Saturday, September 26, 2009

I'm okay. You're okay. We're all okay.

I guess this needs to be said.

I'm okay.

I'm not okay. But I'm okay.

I need to reevaluate. I need to do something new. I'm cleaning out the cobwebs of my soul. Or some other poetic sounding crap.

There is nothing terribly sinister about any of this. I bought a new domain. I will post the new domain address when it's ready. It's not ready. I have a lot to do and I have a lot of decisions to make about what direction I'm going to go. I'm not hiding and I'm not disappearing.

I am attempting to make positive steps. I'm trying to change my life. Part of that is trying to decide what to do next and yes, although that probably seems strange to some of you, that includes my blog.

I'm tired y'all. I'm really tired. I put more pressure on myself than anyone else in this world puts on me. I know this. I'm trying, very hard, to get better. People don't know and people don't understand and that's cool. I don't expect other people to understand. I expect that there are people who don't know my financial situation who think I'm really selfish. I suppose there are people who get pissy with me because I'm not funny all the time and I don't give THEM what THEY need. There are a whole, whole lot of people who never, ever consider what is really going on and only consider how it's going to affect them (and this is largely people in my real day-to-day life, and not people who read my blog, mind you). I get that. It's fine. I'm sure I've been guilty of that, at times, in my own life. I can't fix what anyone else feels and I'm not even going to try anymore.

Thus, I'm reevaluating. I'm changing my focus a little bit.

Also? I hate to even say this, but please don't email other people asking what's going on. It's awkward for my close friends and besides, since they are my close friends? They aren't going to say anything anyway.

I'm getting everything figured out.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Steph,
You go sister... you're on a roll! As they sing in Ya's daycare... "Cleanup, cleanup, time for cleanup." It lightens the soul!

M said...

Love you. I'm proud of you for focusing on you and figuring out you and doing the things you most need to do.

And for reading my poetic wtf there. ;)

You're incredible and give far more than you should (including to me!) and I'm glad to see you organizing even things as "small" as your blog.

Love you.

Karen - Mommy to four sweeties said...

I am glad you are okay.

Jan said...

"I put more pressure on myself than anyone else in this world puts on me"- SO know how that is. We need to go a little easier on ourselves, for sure.

Peace.

His Girl said...

Sounds like you are doing better already. Thanks for being you!

L

Dawn~a~Bon said...

((HUGS))

Danielle said...

As I said yesterday - Good Luck with whatever you do next! I still think you rock!

Bethany said...

Said it before, will say it again: you do what you have to do.

Hope everything works out for you.

CageQueen said...

glad you're ok. i was afraid you were going to say you were going to say you're getting a divorce.

The Pink Putter said...

Long time reader, infrequent commenter..

I'm glad to hear that you are okay, but I feel that you don't give yourself nearly enough credit. Just from reading your blog, I know that you are a talented, amazing person. I am terribly hard on myself too, so I can understand how you are struggling with that. Hang in there and please know that you are in my prayers.

Allie said...

I hope everything works out for you, I hope clarity...or peace...or whatever it is exactly that you are looking for. You deserve it and you are a wonderful person, I just really wish you the best!

Anne-Kathrine said...

Hugs to you. You have to do what you have to do to make things work well in your life and for your piece of mind. So hopefully things will settle down soon!

Anonymous said...

I would SO miss all the enjoyment I get from reading your marvelous blog, but please do what you need to do for YOURSELF and don't apologize to anyone for doing it!! You rock!!!

SJ said...

No apologies needed girl, YOU have to do what's best for YOU.

Hang in there! And again, I wish you the best of luck and hope for a wonderful outcome.

PaintedPromise said...

change is good! but this blog is good too. please DO archive it!!!! you have made a real impact on my life and i just wanted you to know that.