Nick and Jessica, we hardly knew ye.

Last Thanksgiving was a day in my life I will never forget.

I turned on the television to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade. As I flipped through the channels, I saw an alert on E!

Nick and Jessica to divorce.

Sweet God. My world bottomed out.

Not that I give that much of a crap about Nick and Jessica, mind you. It's just that I never really believed anything that the tabloids have to say. You know? I really believed that Brad and Angelina were just good friends until she popped out that baby. I still believe that Katie Holmes was probably inseminated by a turkey baster, but that's besides the point.

I just never believed that stuff was real. I learned otherwise on that dark, dark day.

I've never been the same, you know. Just never been the same. I just knew that Britney and Kevin wouldn't make it. Even though she was hugely pregnant and all and saying to Matt Lauer how "awesome" her husband was (while weeping and chewing gum and spilling out of her top, but still). I knew it wouldn't last.

And wham! Like, last week or something, she decided to divorce his greasy butt.

Sigh.

I wish I could find the tabloid that said I won the lottery. I really wish I could.