In my possession, today, right now...my cap and gown.
Yesterday, I went to pick them up. I provided my drivers license, as I suppose they've had a huge run on people pretending they are graduating and picking up caps and gowns under false pretenses. I'm not sure, but whatever. They asked me my height and I told them I am five feet, ten inches tall.
The woman working in that office began to rummage through the numerous cartons of caps and gowns, looking for one for me. Meanwhile, a fellow came in and the other lady at the desk collected his drivers license and asked his height. Which was five feet eleven inches.
The second lady (we'll just call her...Phyllis) immediately handed the fellow his cap and gown.
The first lady (whom we shall refer to as...Hortense) was still looking for my size. Or height. Or whatever.
After approximately three minutes of rummaging through boxes, Hortense brings me a cap and gown and says, "Here you go. We don't have any for your height. This is for someone six foot one through six foot three."
"But..." I stammered, "That guy? Who was just in here? He was five foot eleven."
"Yes," Hortense replied.
"And he got a cap and gown for someone five foot eleven! Can't I have one for someone five foot eleven?"
Hortense looked at me in such a way that I was certain I had a booger on my nose.
"He got the last one," she replied in a manner which implied that really, as an almost college graduate, I should really know better.
"But I was here BEFORE HIM," I explained, helpfully.
She looked at me for a moment. Then blinked.
She then said, "Well, get you some duct tape. If it's to long you can just tape it up. No one will ever know!"
No, I'm not kidding.
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5 comments:
Only. You. Oh hell almighty. Only. You.
But hey! You're graduating! WEEEE!
Maybe you can get stilts! Or make yourself those coffee can stilts I used to make as a kid! Tie a rope through a hole in coffee cans and walk that way! You'll be 6 foot 1 to 6 foot 3 in no time! And STYLIN!
I would have slapped her too. She really told you to use duct tape? Hmm, maybe you could use that duct tape to tape her stupid mouth shut! Now, that's an idea.
Just pretend the extra length is the train on your royal robes and walk down the aisle doing the Queen of England wave to your loyal subjects.
Awesome!
No, she really did suggest duct tape. It's one of the numerous benefits of living in East Tennessee.
Hortense?
I love you, you crazy woman.
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