Monday, February 05, 2007

Why I wear a big S on my shirt.

Not very long ago one of my main bosses (I’m everyone’s minion, apparently) and I were having a chat while waiting for a meeting to start and he said, completely out of the blue, “If you could have any one super power, what would it be?”

Immediately I said, “I would be invisible! It would be so cool! I could be totally nosy and hear everything and also? All the people who park on the street instead of, you know, in their empty driveways? I could totally throw bricks through their car windows and no one would know it was me!”

He blinked several times and said, “Um. Wow. You know, usually I say that and people are totally thrown off. I’ve never had anyone have an answer ready.”

To which I replied, “I enjoy thinking about things that will never happen.”

Seriously, though. I’ve thought about my own personal superpower for years now.

I have a few, I think. Not as many as I’d like to have. But I think that I really have some that are special and unique.

1) The inability to kill myself.
Apparently I’ve been attempting this for years, unbeknownst to me. Judging by the number of self-inflicted injuries I have caused since, you know, birth, one would think I was trying. I have scars from when I was three or four and bruises from last week that I have no idea how I got. The sad fact is I have the grace of a plane crash. Not that I’m like that indestructible cheerleader on NBC’s Heroes. I mean, I know the similarities are striking and all, but really, I’m not her.

2) The ability to see all sides of a situation.
Being the middle child has afforded me a unique position in my family. I really, honestly can see both sides to nearly every situation. Of course, if I think I’m right then I’ll argue my point vigorously and act like I don’t understand your point. But really I do. I guess a subpart of this superpower is that I can hide my understanding really, really well.

3) The ability to survive while wearing my heart outside my body.
This is a superpower that is not unique to me. It belongs to every woman who is a mother.

4) The power not to shoot people in the face.
Really, there have been several situations within the past few years, that had I shot someone in the face, no jury would have convicted me. Yet, I have kept my hands by my sides, continued to be polite, and treated others the way I want to be treated. Which, yes, makes me a doormat, I suppose. But a doormat with no felony convictions.

5) I’m faster than a speeding bullet.
When it comes to getting people I don’t want to talk to off the phone, balancing my checkbook, grocery shopping, and driving. At everything else, I’m pretty slow.

What are your superpowers?

9 comments:

Bethany said...

I have the ability to laugh and pee at the same time, no bathroom needed. Envy me!

This last use of my super power was all your fault.

Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

I have the ability to solve problems. I can make people laugh and I can make an angry child smile. I did that tonight at church. One little boy decided he wasn't going to have fun and Alpha Dude made him his new best friend and the boy smiled. He even giggled a little. Next week will be fun too.

My best super power is associate myself with people who are smart and fun and who enjoy life (like That Chick Over There).

frannie said...

Ha! Ha! I have the superpower to circumvent those blogger gods that thwart me and try to keep me from that chick over there's blog!!! be damned, blogger gods!!!

CPA Mom said...

"A door mat with no felony convictions." BWAHAHAHAHA...maybe it's the late hour (11:30) but that SLAYED me. I'm laughing myself to sleep now. HP (does not) thank you too.

I have no superpowers. I wish I could fuction on very little sleep though. And I would love the invisibility one - If I had Harry Potter's cloak, how cool would that be!

Emma in Canada said...

I would definitely choose to be invisible also. My current chosen superpower is the ability to read, watch TV, talk on the phone and feed a baby all at the same time. Which actually makes me appear very rude.

Anonymous said...

I would like to be able to fly. I would, however, make a sucky-ass superhero, because I think I would just spend all my time swooping over isolated areas with lovely scenery. Like the Coromandel.

dawnerooski said...

I don't think I have ANY superpowers, beyond the ability to be really pale. Oh, and I'm a really great internet stalker, but I think that applies to any woman ever who has an ex-boyfriend and wants to get dirt on him.

I would choose to be able to fly. That would save SO much gas! I wonder if it would be effortless, or if I could get my cardio in on the way to work.

I'm so practical.

Emily said...

I'm with you on the ability to not shoot people in their face. Like that girl in the bridal shop? That was heroic that you didn't shoot her.

Elle*Bee said...

I do have "The Look" that manages to stop just about about everyone in their tracks. Seriously. I can shut up other folks' obnoxious kids from all the way across the restaurant with a single look. It's a gift.