Not very long ago one of my main bosses (I’m everyone’s minion, apparently) and I were having a chat while waiting for a meeting to start and he said, completely out of the blue, “If you could have any one super power, what would it be?”
Immediately I said, “I would be invisible! It would be so cool! I could be totally nosy and hear everything and also? All the people who park on the street instead of, you know, in their empty driveways? I could totally throw bricks through their car windows and no one would know it was me!”
He blinked several times and said, “Um. Wow. You know, usually I say that and people are totally thrown off. I’ve never had anyone have an answer ready.”
To which I replied, “I enjoy thinking about things that will never happen.”
Seriously, though. I’ve thought about my own personal superpower for years now.
I have a few, I think. Not as many as I’d like to have. But I think that I really have some that are special and unique.
1) The inability to kill myself.
Apparently I’ve been attempting this for years, unbeknownst to me. Judging by the number of self-inflicted injuries I have caused since, you know, birth, one would think I was trying. I have scars from when I was three or four and bruises from last week that I have no idea how I got. The sad fact is I have the grace of a plane crash. Not that I’m like that indestructible cheerleader on NBC’s Heroes. I mean, I know the similarities are striking and all, but really, I’m not her.
2) The ability to see all sides of a situation.
Being the middle child has afforded me a unique position in my family. I really, honestly can see both sides to nearly every situation. Of course, if I think I’m right then I’ll argue my point vigorously and act like I don’t understand your point. But really I do. I guess a subpart of this superpower is that I can hide my understanding really, really well.
3) The ability to survive while wearing my heart outside my body.
This is a superpower that is not unique to me. It belongs to every woman who is a mother.
4) The power not to shoot people in the face.
Really, there have been several situations within the past few years, that had I shot someone in the face, no jury would have convicted me. Yet, I have kept my hands by my sides, continued to be polite, and treated others the way I want to be treated. Which, yes, makes me a doormat, I suppose. But a doormat with no felony convictions.
5) I’m faster than a speeding bullet.
When it comes to getting people I don’t want to talk to off the phone, balancing my checkbook, grocery shopping, and driving. At everything else, I’m pretty slow.
What are your superpowers?