Wednesday, March 28, 2007

My kids totally freaking rock.

Last night Boy Child and Girl Child were outside walking the dog. A group of douchehole teenagers from up the street started yelling and taunting them. The dog, naturally, tried to run at the teenagers. Boy Child, who was holding the leash, ended up falling onto the road. The doucheholes then teased Boy Child and laughed at him.

He came in the house with a big scrape on one arm and a bunch of dirt all over his clothes and he and Girl Child breathlessly told me about the doucheholes.

Now, naturally, being a mother and all, I desperately wanted to go outside, get in my SUV and run the doucheholes over. Then back up and run over them again, just for my own personal satisfaction. Since I didn't want to mess up my car, I then thought about going out there and beating the crap out of them. Because I could totally take them.

But I didn't.

Calmly, I washed my son's battered arm. My daughter went and got his three band aids and carefully peeled the wrappers off, as she rubbed his back and said, "It's okay...it's okay."

"Listen," I said to them. "Kids like that? They don't matter. In ten years when they are in jail or whatever? And you have a really good life? They won't matter. They don't matter now and they won't matter then."

Boy Child sniffed, "Did kids ever make fun of you mom?"

"Yes," I assured him. "Of course. Everyone gets made fun of by someone, no matter what. And you know what? Those girls who made fun of me? They have like twelve kids and live in crack houses and have really bad hair. It doesn't matter who you are or what you do or what you look like, some jerk will make fun of you at some point. And why do people make fun of others?"

"Because they feel bad about themselves," they said in unison.

"Also," I said, because clearly, I'm never going to win mother of the year, "if those boys ever make fun of you again, tell them to shut the hell up."

Boy Child and Girl Child began to laugh.

"Someday I'm going to become a Police Officer," said Boy Child. "And I will totally arrest them."

Girl Child said, "Here's what you do. Make a big sign that says, 'DON'T SAY I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING'. Then, tell them they are under arrest. Then when they say, 'What? I didn't do anything!' then you point to the sign. And they are under arrest."

"It's a win-win situation!" Boy Child exclaimed.



Tell me now. How did I get so lucky?

25 comments:

frannie said...

it made me cry that girl child was rubbing boy chil'd back and saying "it's ok".... they are so wonderfully delicious!

Amy W said...

Your kids? They totally rock. I can only wish my kids will grow up to be just like yours.

nailgirl24 said...

Gotta love the rationalization. Me, I wouldn't have been able to tke the high road. I would have been a bad example. I would have gotten in the car and hunt them down to confront them.

EE said...

You're a great mom!!

velocibadgergirl said...

Your kids? Awesome.

You? Fantabulous.

Your neighbors? Asstastic. Must make them feel like big gangstas to make fun of a pair of 9-year-olds. GRRR.

Stephanette said...

Can I please send Boy Child a badge that he can write his name on?

CPA Mom said...

Your kids inspire me. How many of us were teased as kids and were not able to shake it off that well. Speaks VOLUMES to you as their mom and to them as AWESOME kids. I totally want to be your son when I grow up. You know what I mean.

Bullying and teasing is my biggest fear for my kids since I went through so much of it.

Britmum said...

Bless their cotton socks!! Gotta love them!

Take care xx

Stephanie said...

Wow. I've never heard the term "doucheholes" before. But I think that it must be an accurate representation of these people. Good job with teaching them about bullies! I really learn a lot from you. (And you're pretty)

M said...

How'd you get so lucky? You parented your children amazingly well, gave them a great example, and used the word ass a few dozen times. THAT is why your kids rock so much. xoxo. No luck. Just pure talent.

Wendy said...

What a great post! Even made me tear up a little:) So sweet!

Rachel said...

I hate bullies. I wish that none of my kids ever have to deal with one. I'm not so naive to think that wish will come true, but, I still wish.

One day, Kaylie came home and told me that some kid told her she was ugly and I was so damn pissed off, but what can you do, it's just part of growing up and you have to teach them to just ignore it and that is doesn't mean anything.

You're kids do totally rock!

Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

I enjoy all the things I learn from you. New words, how to deal with bullies, bad drivers, etc.....

By the way, you didn't get luicky, you got blessed. I am a firm believer that children are a direct reflection of who raised them.

You and Jason so totally Rock!

Adventures in Baby Fat said...

Genius is what your children are. Pure genius. Love it.

julie said...

Interesting rationalization. It would make my job much easier if it worked that way.

Oh, and thanks for adding "doucheholes" to my vocabulary. My world is better now.

Kimberly said...

What fab kids!

And I love the idea of karma comin' 'round and dealing out bad hair to bad people.

Take that, Celeste Walcott!! (girl who extorted cookies from me in elementary school)

Brown Eyed Girl said...

Your kids are the bestest ever.

You know that...cuz they have the bestest Mom ever!

I could totally see boy child as a police officer.

Oh..so much...

AnnieM said...

You had me at douchehole. First-timer for the word douchehole and I assure you it won't be the last. It's my new favorite.

How cool is it that your kids can support eachother like that? Everyone wants kids like that, lucky you!

SJ said...

Your kids rock, and well.....so do you!

Heather @ Desperately Seeking Sanity said...

The kid down the street pick on my son all the time... most of the time he lets it go... but one day, he was called a name that I can't repeat... and Matthew decked the kid...

His mom pressed charges... on a nine year old... I didn't know whether to be proud of Matthew and run out and purchase a "My kid beat up your honor student" bumper sticker or beat the crap out of him....

I figured the cop coming to talk to him was punishment enough... and they laughed the case right out of juvenile court (they were nine year old boys for goodness sake!)

The cop that came to talk to him was picked on as a child... I got to hear all about it... they talked for a good 45 minutes... :)

Your kids are cool...

Heathie said...

I came over from Ellie's blog; she said she learned a new "D" word--I'm glad I came to find out what it was.
Your kids are awesome. I always hope that mine will be stick together like that.

Jocelyn said...

I love your children. I love you as a mother.

I hate the douchebags. Keep the SUV idling, just in case.

my4kids said...

Love your kids and their rationalization and that boy child wants to be a police officer to arrest those kids. He probably would have no problem finding a reason.

Good job mom. And the girl child rubbing his back.....to sweet.

Catwoman said...

I love how loving your kids are to each other.

And I'm backing the other readers. You didn't get lucky. you made those kids into what they are. They are the reflection of your mothering. And you should be damn proud, because you are a freaking fantastic mother.

Me, on the other hand will now be on my way to your neighborhood and run down those doucheholes for you. Because that's what blog friends do for each other.

Kellie said...

Your kids rock because of YOU..you are an awesome mother and I hope I can be as good a mom to my daughter as you so clearly are to your children :)