Monday, March 05, 2007

Running in place.

Lately, I've started to wonder if I am crazy. The bad kind. You know, like the woman who throws cats at people on The Simpsons? Like that.

It's just that, lately? I can't seem to keep it together.

I've cried like three times lately. And I really HATE crying.

One of the managers at work snapped at me recently because I assigned him 270 pages of required reading due to be completed in 2 weeks time. TWO WEEKS PEOPLE. And he snapped at me about it and said I was unrealistic. I wanted to shout at him, "I USED TO READ 300 PAGES A NIGHT FOR SCHOOL, WORK A FULL TIME JOB, AND RAISE TWO KIDS AND I MANAGED TO PULL OFF STRAIGHT A'S IN COLLEGE, SO QUIT YOUR WHINING ABOUT 270 FREAKING PAGES IN TWO FREAKING WEEKS!"

But I didn't. I don't think it's good business etiquette to scream at managers.

Later, I cried though, and it made me angry at myself that I let him win.

Also? As you know the Great FlowDown of 2006-2007 recently ended and I really became disturbed at the fact that I went to more than one doctor and said, "This is really concerning and bothering me that I'm bleeding this long," and they treated me like it was no big deal. I mean, because although I have no advanced medical training, it just really seems to me like someone should not have blood coming out of their hoo-ha for any extended period of time like that. Coupled with the fact that I actually passed out once and blacked out once? I would think that would warrant concern. Yet, I have medical professionals telling me it's no big deal.

So is it? Am I crazy?

I don't know...I'm feeling competition and jealousy from and with friends when there should be no competition and jealousy. I'm feeling like I'm forgetting things. Often. Important things.

So I don't know. Maybe the anonymous reader of this blog was correct. Maybe I am bi-polar. I'll probably be back to posting useless crap any minute now.

29 comments:

M said...

A: you aren't bipolar. Hello. big shit in life can make you feel nutty. You can feel good and still feel bad and not be bipolar. Depressed perhaps. Bipolar absolutely not. Re-read the symptoms. Or go visit my mom. You'll see the huge difference.
B: seek. different. doctors. You're right. Your bleeding is NOT NORMAL. If dr a and dr b don't give a shit to listen to you then you need to see dr c. You know how many drs I've dealt with in the last year about my health insanity.
C: Your workplace folk are fuckwads
D: I wish you didn't feel competitive or jealous because I guarantee you win.
E: Have you had any sessions lately with any pros? I haven't heard anything since that first one a while back. You know I swear the right pro can make all the difference in reminding you you're sane. xoxoxox
F: I love you. On bagels even. xoxo

Brown Eyed Girl said...

So not bi-polar.

Lot-o-stuff...hell yes.

Hugs and hugs and hugs...

Em said...

About that manager? Jerk. A**hole. Lame. All of those apply. No wonder you feel frustrated!!!

I can't speak to the bleeding. What would I know? But just the idea of blood coming out of anywhere for a really long time does seem to be of concern.

Britmum said...

There is no way that you are crazy. You are an amazing woman. I applaude a mother that can have a career and raise to wonderful children. Shit I can't even get my ass of bed in the morning to see my eldest off to school. Just because you have a unique way of writing doesn't not mean you are crazy or friggin bloody bi polar. You know some of us are just given more shit to handle than others. Some of us just have to work out more emotional issues than others.

I think the health care system here sucks too. You are right to be concerened about your monthly. Its all about the almighty dollar here.

And Friends well...... once a friend said to me you just have to whittle out the dead wood. Time to move on and make some new ones.

Hang in there "That Chick over There" because you rock and well I would miss reading you.

Take care sweetie xx

Rachel said...

I don't think you're bipolar. I think that the fact that you had a period for like 3 months could have messed up your hormones!

Also, go to another doctor! DO NOT let them dismiss what is happening with you! That is abnormal and it is their job to find out what is going on!

Amy W said...

A)You are not bipolar.
B)Yes, find a new doctor. I have a great one here in NC.
C)Manager is nuts. Maybe he is bipolar!

Anonymous said...

I had to deal with the same thing day after day for months. At my yearly checkup the dr did blood work to check for pre-menopause (menopause) and yes that is what was happening. (even though I had a few years to go until 50). I now take a low dose of hormones, feel much better, no more mood swings and no more visits from FLO. Go see a doctor that will at least do the blood work testing.

CPA Mom said...

I concur with the above. You need to find another doctor. I know that sucks monkey-balls, but you owe it to yourself. it is NOT normal to bleed that much. NOT!

It IS normal to want to cry when you are stressed. Me, I'm a cry-a-holic right now. Join in the fun. I'm a laugh a minute.

Your manager? Needs a kick in the nuts. Want me to do it?

Stephanette said...

I'm going to do an itemized list, so that I make sure I cover everything:
1) You're not crazy: You're cool. You've got a lot going on in your life and it's all happening at once with mega-doses of hormones coming into play.
2) You need a dr. who will listen and talk to you about your concerns. Extended periods, passing out, and blacking out are NOT normal. Get someone who will help you figure out what is going on.
3) Men suffer from male PMS, too. Whiney managers can read 270 pages in two weeks. My manager never reads operational manuals. He figures I can read them and when something happens, I'll take charge - Yeah, we'll see.
4) If you're forgetting things, it's probably because you have a lot going on right now. There's a tiny bit of stress. Your hubby and his car, Aunt Flo's extended visit, unreasonable manager, some incredible hormones, good stuff like weight loss (and the emotional stuff that brings), financial validation for a job well done, a new stove.

I say Take a Breath and try to look at it from a new perspective for a minute. I think you're doing great if that matters.

Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

Do you see how many friends you have?

Did you notice how many peole care about you? And some have never even met you before?

Chick, you're awesome. Everyone gets to have a bad day once in while. Maybe it's just your turn. But knowing you, you will bounce back quickly and with a vengance.

So one anonymous moron posted one negative comment. You've survived worse.

It has been said that it takes twenty positive comments to make up for one negative one. When you get to 19, let me know and I'll post one more.

Although, from what I can see....you're gonna get a lot more than twenty!

dennis said...

So I take it your in a position slightly higher on the food chain of this manager?
Know what would really really feel good? Tell him that you can arrange all the time he needs to read the paperwork and give him a temporary, and unpaid, leave..?

heh? heh? I would so love to be a manager! I would probably run the biz into the ground but I would RULE!!

about the bleeding--
nope. I was going to correlate it with the position for nose bleeds but the image that came to mind...

frannie said...

you totally need to find a new doctor... seriously! you should not be bleeding that long! I once had an aunt flow that lasted a really long time and extensive testing was done. I was fine, but they still did a lot of testing to make sure. Stand up for yourself, Chick! don't take no for an answer. I'm happy to make a trip up there and go bat sh*t on your dr, if you would like. and my services are free.

Kellie said...

FIND A NEW DOCTOR!! I had something similar, three docs told me it was nothing. 4th doc DID something about it and found I had SEVERE endometriosis. Had surgery two weeks later and tra-la....better.

I think the 3200 days of Aunt Flo being in town is what's messed with you.

The manager at work?? Lemme at him. I'll kick him in the twig and giggle berries and laugh while he's rolling around on the floor. I'm fun like that!!

You are AWESOME!! Bi-polar? Aww, hell no. You're NORMAL. You're a mom, a wife, working full time AT home and away from home...you've had a few BIG stressors with Jason's accident ALONE...OF COURSE you don't feel normal.

See how many of us love you? Like M said: I love you. On bagels. Only, I guess since it's ME writing this, it'd be more appropriate it if I said: "I love you. At Target!!"

April Decheine said...

Everyday I feel emotions all over the board.. Thank god for my two dogs to talk to during the day! Life is full of twists and turns, just continue writing in your blog and believing in yourself! There is enough dream stealers in our life! I will be back, I better continue on. Join the party

Kimberly said...

Okay, I so arrived way too late. All the good stuff has been said and I feel like such a dweeb when I wander onto someone's blog just to say "Uhh...yeah...ditto to that."

It's fun to be funny and post quirky posts that make people giggle so hard they snort, but all the better when you can put all of you out there, even the sad mopey bits, and not have the rest of the bloggisphere run away screaming.

Melissa said...

I think you are an average working mom just writing what we all feel at one time or another. As far as the bleeding though I would be knocking down doctor's office's asking what in the world is happening. Not normal! SO hang in there and come on over to my place and we can share some chocolate. Chocolate makes everthing better!

SJ said...

Hey there...guess what? I'm crazy too, is there enough room to join you? I have feelings like this every single day. And no, you aren't bi-polar. Don't let an anon comment get to you.

And I think you should see a different doctor. Really, you should.

Gerbil said...

Hi, Mother of, sister of and daughter of bipolars here... YOU are not bipolar. Anonymous poster ought to thank their lucky stars they're unfamiliar enough with bipolar to even SUGGEST it.

Get a new doctor, that's inexcusable for them to disregard you. Don't ignore it because they suck... find a new doctor immediately.

Kelly M said...

Hmm I definitely don't think your crazy! Bleeding for the length of time is cause for concern..I would get another opinion. Your probably just completely exhausted and wore out from loosing that much blood. Even though it over..your hormones are probably in overdrive and your body is trying to recoup from your months of pure HELL!! I hope you are feeling better soon!

AnnieM said...

I don't know, you seem pretty normal to me! But who knows, maybe we're all a bunch of crazies...

Ellie said...

Chick, go to your doctor and have them check you for anemia. Just from what you described I bet you are very anemic and need to be on iron tablets. I get very light headed to the point of nearly blacking out. I also can't get a full breathe of air in my lungs most of the time...well, that is until this past weekend I finally started to feel more air in my lungs because I have been on iron tablets for one week now. It is amazing the difference I feel. I still get a bit light headed, but I think it will all get better in time. I will find out on Monday what is really wrong with me, but I think I know...it is my monthly cycle, too heavy, too hard and my body is too old to deal with it anymore. :/ I am expecting to be told I will need a hysterectomy, but I don't know at this point. I putzed around with three different doctors over the course of at least five years and they all let me believe me it was in my head. HA! Now I know I am not a wacko who is just wanting "attention". I actually have something "wrong" with me...not that I want something wrong with me, but I have felt so crappy for so long and finally someone is getting to the bottom of things....It feels so good!

Chick...get thee to a doctor henceforth as quickly as thou can, because you are not bipolar...I bet you are anemic!

Thanks for your support and comment on The Cedar Chest. Things are not well in my house at the moment. If I blogged about it, people would think I were an absolute loon, so I have to take a break. I will be back once I gain my composure back again. KIDS!!! is all I will say at this point!

Ellie

peppylady said...

Thank you for stopping in at my blog.

This blog party that 5 minute for mom is putting on is dang fun
Hope they'll do it next year.

Monkey Giggles said...

Swinging in for the party. Nice to meet ya.

My 3rd party favor give away has begun. If ya get a chance come on over.

PARTY ON!!!!

my4kids said...

I say forget the annonymous commenter also. You are so not bipolar honestly. I have met some. Also I think your behavior is normal for someone having your flow problem. It can make you very hormonal. One of my concerns though when you say your have passed out and blacked out. Have they at least done blood work? Are you anemic from all of this? I have cronic anemia (I don't process iron or b12) and it can make me pass out when I get really low on iron. But really 67 days is way to long and I say if the drs you have seen don't act like it is a problem find one that does! Please!!

dawnabon said...

Chickie boo, you are NOT bad-crazy or bipolar or anything like that. You're dealing with a lot of crap. And I'm furious at your docs for not acting like fainting is a big deal. Remember when I passed out at work a few months ago? I told everyone exactly what happened (blood pressure drop, no big deal, it happens to me all the time), and they STILL made me go to the doctor and the doctor STILL checked me out and told me he was glad I came in, even though it was no big deal. If you're fainting for no reason (and it's not something that's ever happened to you before) that's a big deal and your doctors should be concerned. I think my doctor smokes crack every morning and he would STILL take that seriously.

You're a good kinda crassy, not bad crazy. MMMkay chickie?
:o)

*hug*

dawnabon said...

Oh, and I'm telling you, there's something in the air in the town where you work that make male egos go insane, and that's why that dude fussed at you. Because he has Issues. And I'm actually betting I can guess who it was, and he's a flippin' moron and I'll cut him.

Rebecca said...

Hey Chick, RUN to a new Doc, and insist that they check your Thyroid levels! Its a simple blood test, and thyoid disorders can cause ALL of the freaky symptoms you have been having. I know, cuz...I have BEEN THERE. 1 small thyroid replacement pill a day, and I am normal (well, almost...hehe). Seriously. Get that checked! ASAP!

Shanilie said...

I'm sorry that you have been feeling rotten. I agree with previous comments. Your hormones are probably all out of whack with your cycle being off kilter.

On another note, I have noticed that when men feel things they are just angry or tired but when women feel things we are considered irrational and emotional. I wonder why that is? It is alright to feel. Any work place tension and I am a wreck and feeling like bawling at times. Though I am like you....I HATE crying. I would rather throw something than cry....no I'm not crazy...I am just dramatic .....maybe lol. No, you’re not crazy either. Normal included crazy then you could say we are all crazy ;)

Puppie said...

Ain't no way you're bipolar, That Chick. No bipolar person would be able to handle and juggle everything that you have, and for as long as you've been doing it.

Honestly, I see this post as crying out for a feminist uprising. Why have you been brushed aside by the doctors? Because you're just a woman with woman-problems, so who cares, it doesn't matter, I'm sure she's just hysterical. You just got dinged by the patriarchy. DING!

Why does your underling feel that it's ok to bawl you out about the assignment that you gave? Would he have said the same thing to a male bosss who gave the same assignment? And why did you collapse into tears afterward? Is it because women don't have good role models for wielding power, and no matter what we do in a managerial position we're farked? DING!

Don't take any guff from that fart-knocker at work. And as far as docs, yeah, you're going to have to reach in deep and pull out that ferocious tiger momma part of you, but this time to mother yourself. Misogyny is rife within medicine. You're going to have to INSIST. LOUDLY. On proper treatment. You're going to have to shop your business until you find medical personnel who treat you with the proper level of concern and customer service. It's hard. And it ain't fair. But there it is.

Good luck to you. And don't forget, this is your health we're talking about here. If this scenario happening to one of your kids would cause you to stomp your foot and raise your voice and refuse to leave until you get a good answer? You owe that much to yourself as well.