I couldn’t post anything yesterday because it was April 1st. And I’m nobody’s fool.
Do you have that one person in your life that no matter what you are guaranteed to make a fool of yourself when that person is around?
Unfortunately? He’s the Project Manager here at my work. AKA: The big boss. AKA: The person I should actually try to impress, not humiliate myself around.
In case it’s not pretty obvious, I say a lot of inappropriate things. It helps pass the time. I share an office with two other people and they not only are used to my inappropriateness, I would say they actually encourage it by being as inappropriate as possible themselves. The three of us really require adult supervision.
I have the unique disadvantage, however, of having my back to the door. So that means I cannot see when anyone is approaching and my Project Manager often hears the ends of conversations. For example, recently he walked in as I was saying,
“So apparently, these men LIKE the lactating strippers. These women squirt breast milk on them and then…”
And another day I was saying,
“She told him that she was NOT going to let him stick ANYTHING in her butt!”
(And that one was TOTALLY taken out of context. Promise.)
“I hate them. They suck. They are bastard coated bastards with bastard cream filling.”
And there was another one that was so bad that I am ashamed to type it all out here. It is now known around the office as The Queen Mother of All Things Inappropriate. And it includes the word anus. And really, I promise it was TOTALLY just bad timing. But what are you gonna do?
Is this a problem that is just unique to me? Or does everyone have someone they regularly mortify themselves in front of?