Saturday, July 14, 2007

Don't show everyone your business honey.

Mason and Terri's mom tagged me for a meme in which I am to tell 8 facts/habits about myself. I like meme's because they provide me blog fodder on days when I've just spilled my guts out for the last 12 days and am feeling like a bit of an emotional wreck. I like Mason and Terri's mom because there is a hilarious photo of her drinking with the preacher's wife on her blog. I like the way she rolls.

But I'm having a hard time with this meme, because, um, really? I've pretty much spilled the beans on all the major crap about myself.

But in the spirit of, blogginess or whatever, I'll try.

1) I'd like to be a professional storyteller. Yes, there really is such a thing. With guilds and festivals and everything.

I do have to wonder who awards that distinction. Hmm. Apparently you can get a Masters degree in such things (Thanks Google!).

Anyway. My point is, I like to tell stories. I think I'd like to tell stories to children. Not stories about myself, obviously, since I'm not into traumatizing people for life. Just funny stories.

Or something.

2) I'm always jealous and amazed when people say they are going "home" for some holiday or occasion. I don't feel like I have a home, anywhere. Wherever I am with my children and husband is my temporary home, but I don't have a "home" home, if that makes sense. I'm still trying to find where I belong.

3) I talk to my dog like she's a person. I carry on long, one-sided conversations with her.

I swear to Cod, if she starts answering I'm going to crap myself.

4) I am never my truer self than when I am singing in the shower.

5) I've posted here about my bulimia, my mother-in-law, miscarriage, being dumped, being in therapy, and my fat ass, and yet I cannot bring myself to post the number that is my weight. Some things are better left unsaid.

6) I always find it amazing when people say that I am intimidating, because really? I'm probably the least intimidating person you'll ever meet. Everyone I see I say "Hey y'all! How's your mom and them?"

Really. I'm just a rough old girl from East Tennessee. That's all I will ever be, I suppose. When you count Dolly Parton as one of your personal heroes, I don't know that you could ever be anything else.

7) Lately, I'm scared of driving. Which blows because I drive about 90 miles a day. It seems like no matter what I do, I'm waiting for the next accident. I just wear my seatbelt and hope for the best.

8) In my house, your "business" is your penis or vagina. Common usage of this word:

"Girl Child. Close your legs. No one wants to see your business."

When I was little I remember someone (don't remember who, but I remember it being said) who, if anyone had their legs open while they were sitting would say, "Don't take my picture!"

Now that's funny. I don't care who you are.

I don't want my picture took though.



So there you have it. It only took me about two hours.

18 comments:

Britmum said...

Liked it I bloody love it.

Take care sweetie xxx

and I better start minding my business. hehehehe

Blue Momma said...

My mother used to say don't take a picture!

She would have boxed up my camera and put it in the attic if she could of figured out how to.

And we say stuff.

Stop messing wit your stuff, Punkin.

You keep pulling on your stuff it's gonna fall off.

But next time someone tells me to mind my own business (and this happens often!), I am certain to giggle.....

AnnieM said...

Amen about "the number". You'll never hear my number either. Ever. I just told my husband how much I weigh this last month; We've been together 8 years.

The business comment gave a whole new meaning to someone being "all up in my business". Kinky.

Angie said...

So now, when I hear an "office depot" commercial. . .and they sing "Takin' care of business" I'll be all paranoid that I forgot something in the shower!

You constantly make me smile.

mAsOn & tErrI's mOm said...

Your not intimidating! I'm the overwhelming one that her hubby claims that his parents won't come over b/c I wear them out! WHatever...they are pootin in high cotton and they can't handle ALL THAT IS ME! F*** em!

You did good!(8 facts!)
I ran out of crap to say...#7!!! lmao!!

I hate word verification!

Mine today is....dogobgyn! Now that is funny!

simonsays said...

Great writing girl---keep 'em coming. And I think you SHOULD be a professional storyteller...just bequeath it to yourself. Bequeath? Did I say that......?

Sleeping Mommy said...

I just got tagged for this one yesterday too. I haven't done anything with it yet though. Like you I think I have shared everything there is to know about myself at one time or another. But I will try.

Loved your 8 things, though. As usual you made me laugh at least once. And made me empathize several times over.

Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

Well, you know what they say.....

"Business is Business".

Blessings.

frannie said...

i love learnin' more about you, girlie!

Emma in Canada said...

I'd never say my weight either. Not until I'm way less than I am now.

Amy W said...

I am going to start using business instead of cooch...

and rudeness said...

When I say business it is usually more like bizz-NIZZ... okay maybe you have to hear it for it to sound right cause spelling it? Not working.

Anyways... about the weight? Uhm... yeah, when I posted that, I about had a panic attack and must have stared at the POST button for like 6 hours like OMG WTF am I doing. Notice I couldnt even put the number, I had to type it out. Oy vay. It was hard. I almost threw up when I did post it.

Then I felt better. You'll come around. I love ya no matter what.

my4kids said...

Good 8 facts Chick. I can't write my weight either. Its just so far off right now frow where it once was that I'm in denial.

2. I have never felt like I had a home either. We moved so much growing up that a place or town, city, etc. has never felt like home to me. Like you say the closest thing to "home" to me is with my husband and children wherever we are as long as we are together. I'd love to find "home" someday though.

Kellie said...

Weight is a just a number--has nothing to do with who you are!! You could weigh 500 pounds and still be gorgeous!!

Business....hehe....I like it :)

CPA Mom said...

that's funny. a few people have told me that they can't believe I post my weight on my blog. But I've come to the conclusion that weight is just a number. It does not define me. Or you either!

Twisted Cinderella said...

Great answers. I have great troubles admitting the number that is my weight.

I don't have a "home" home, either. Having moved more that 40 times, I have no one place to look at and say that is my "home".

Rachel said...

I cannot tell you how glad I was to read that the conversations with your dog are one-sided.

I was worried until I scrolled down.

SJ said...

I think you are awesome! You never cease to crack my ass up.

Really, you rock!