The other day I was watching one of those programs they used to call Talk Shows and now they should just call "crap". I honestly can't even remember which one it was. Maury? Probably. It comes on late enough in the afternoon that I could have conceivably had a day at work in which I stood up and said, in my best Eric Cartman voice, "Screw you guys. I'm going home" and then been home in time to see it.
On this show, there were a few couples and one person in each pair was there to reveal "A BIG SECRET".
Okay, anyone who has ever seen this program knows that the big secret isn't going to be, "I've bought you an engagement ring and I want to love you forever!" or "I've decided that I DO want a third child, honey. I love you!" or even, "I saved my money for two years and put a down payment on a house that's NOT in the ghetto. Hurray!"
Instead, it's going to be something like:
"I'm sleeping with your mom!"
"I'm sleeping with your brother!"
"I'm sleeping with your best friend!"
"I'm pregnant by your cousin!"
Or any combination of the above.
My first question is: Why?
Is the appeal of being on television enough? I mean, how could you NOT know that it's going to be something bad? Have you never SEEN this show? I don't think I would agree to be on a program that I had never seen. That just seems dangerous.
My second question is also: Why?
Because, honestly? Why? Why take someone on national television in front of God and your momma and admit you are a complete piece of crap?
On what planet does this elevate you to a status that you are comfortable with?
Because here on my planet, Reality, I have things like a job and a position on the PTO board and I just really think they would frown upon me going on a Talk Show...period. Unless it was, you know, to promote my new book or something.
Isn't it embarrassing to admit you've cheated? Why is that not taboo? I mean, cheating should be taboo anyway, but people almost act like they are proud of it. "Hey, look at me! I just increased my risk of STD's and unwanted pregnancy exponentially! I'm awesome!"
What bothers me most, I guess, is that you say to someone, "I love you." You marry them, you make babies with them or whatever, and then you go on television and humiliate and degrade them and then physically fight one another.
Maybe in today's world, the marriage vows should be a little different.
"I promise to love, honor, and cherish you and never tell anyone what that face you make during nookie looks like. Also, if we break up, I'll never go on Maury Povich and say I'm two hundred percent sure you're the baby's father. Because that's totally not a real number. Also? It would make me look like a big douche."
When I'm become Queen of the World, I am SO changing things like this.