Did you miss me?

We're back!

Last Saturday we took our dog to the place where we were boarding her for the week. I got really, really teary-eyed and actually started crying. Which, of course, made the kids cry, because I'm the best mother on the planet. Don't quote me on this, but I believe I might have shrieked something like, "OH MY GOD, SHE'S GOING TO THINK WE DON'T LOVE HER ANYMORE AND THAT WE'VE ABANDONED HER!" Because, you know, clearly my dog is smarter than every other dog on the planet and would actually be able to form a coherent thought in her head enough to realize what day it was and that we, her humans, were not there.

Anyway.

The next morning we got up at the butt crack of dawn to start driving. Okay, that's not really true, it was like 7am. We left the house around 8am.

Traffic was pretty good until we got to Atlanta. Which compels me to ask the following question.

Atlanta? What the hell?

I mean, seriously. I thought traffic in my fair city both sucked and blew until we drove through Atlanta. We were in the carpool lane at one point and there was this two-hundred year old man on a motorcycle who had to be driving approximately six miles an hour and decided that HE wanted to drive in the carpool lane so without even looking he just pulled his motorcycle right in front of us. I seriously thought we would have to have to scrape that little man off our front bumper. Fortunately, the Santa Fe has good brakes.

A good thing I figured out? Atlanta is seriously only like three hours from my house. So any bloggers I might know from Atlanta (HINT HINT) I could probably easily visit.

Anyway, after we got through Atlanta we spent approximately the next thirty years driving through the rest of Georgia. Georgia is lovely, I have to say. I might possibly want to live there, especially based on all the billboards I saw advertising housing at very reasonable prices.

Then, we got on the Florida turnpike. Which compels me to ask the following question.

Drivers in Florida? What the hell?

It began to rain. A light sprinkle. Immediately EVERY SINGLE PERSON in front of us slammed on their brakes. I am seriously not kidding, at all. I might have said something like, "GOOD GOD THERE HAD BETTER BE AN ACCIDENT UP THERE!" I can't be expected to remember everything I say.

The upshot? The portion of our trip which should have taken about two hours took something like four or five.

We all had to pee really badly and I think Jason and I were about to get a divorce by the time we got to the hotel. This was not exactly the magical experience we had hoped for when planning this trip.

Then we got to the hotel. There were about four million people in the hotel and they all wanted to check in. Also? Everyone there hated me and wanted me dead.

The guy who checked us in didn't speak English very well. Which is fine, because whatever his language was? I couldn't speak it at all. He kept saying, "YES! YES! YES!" because he was apparently having a very magical day. Me? Not so much.

We went to our hotel room and by then it was about 8pm. And we? Were starving.

So we had to find someplace to eat and decided that we would go to Downtown Disney and eat at Planet Hollywood.

Have you ever been to Planet Hollywood? I think people go there for the experience more than for the food. Also? Probably for the alcohol because most people there seemed pretty drunk. Or maybe they are just more fun than me, because I didn't think it was fun at all. Jason didn't either. The girl outside offered to take our picture by the sign and we just looked at her like, "Take our picture girlfriend and we will CUT YOU."

The hostess? Bless her heart she was such a bitch.

After about forty minutes they finally took us upstairs so we could be seated. She took the people in front of us and seated them. THEN she took two tables of four BEHIND us and seated them too. Jason said, "Excuse me, we were here before them" and she said, "Your table isn't ready. I'll let you know." Then? She rolled her eyes. And then seated ANOTHER table of four ahead of us.

The food was okay. I wouldn't call it anything special. I had crabcakes, which was probably a mistake looking back on it, because really? Do you want crabcakes from a restaurant that's not a seafood restaurant? Probably not.

Jason had steak. The kids had spaghetti.

It was all pretty random. And so, so loud. Oh my Lord, was it loud. We had to shriek at one another to be heard. Also? They played music videos up on this big screen behind us and I said to Girl Child about two hundred times, "LADIES DO NOT DRESS NOR BEHAVE IN THAT MANNER!"

The upshot? I wouldn't go back. I nearly called Child Protective Services on myself for taking the children there.

We were exhausted when we finally dragged ourselves back to the hotel. We stayed at Pop Century which is one of Disney's value resorts. It really was a good value, I have to say. The room was nice enough and clean and all that. The hotel is centered around Pop Culture from the 1950's- 1990's. We were in the 1980's section.

We collapsed into our beds and pretty much fell asleep immediately. We were so freaking tired.

The next morning, Monday, we were awakened at about 6am when the Satanic brat next door began screaming at the top of his lungs, "GET UP! GET UP! I WANT TO GO! GET UP! GET UP!"

I? Wanted to get up and smack the crap out of him. But I didn't want to lose my testimony.

Eventually we got up. While Jason was in the shower, I took the kids outside so we could get a good look at our hotel in the daylight, since it had been dark when we came in the night before. It? Was pretty cool.

This cell phone was on the outside of our building. The small dots there at the bottom? Boy Child and Girl Child.

This laptop was on the side of the building we were in. And again, the small dots are the kids.

The hotel was pretty cool. I'm a big fan of pop culture, and all the buildings had cool things like Rubix cubes and bowling pins on them.

Then we rode the bus over to Magic Kingdom. Our hotel provided transportation to all of the different parks and Downtown Disney, Pleasure Island, Typhoon Lagoon and all the other places in Disney World, which was nice.

Not so nice? I think probably our driver got his license out of a box of Cracker Jacks. We were standing on the bus because there were not enough seats and the driver took the turns like he was in the Indy 500. I was holding on for dear life.

We got there and I was immediately grateful for the fact that my children are nine years old. I didn't have to have a stroller or a bag. We would walk into the entrance that said. "GUESTS WITHOUT BAGS" which was us and like two other people. I could carry everything I had in my pockets. It was cool.

Also? The kids were old enough to do so many things for themselves but yet young enough to really enjoy everything like, "It's a Small World".

Which? I also loved.

It's one of those things from my childhood, you know? I wanted my kids to experience it too.

We also went on the Haunted Mansion ride, which has been updated and was awesome. I got Jason to ride Space Mountain too, and I'm not sure he's forgiven me for that yet. He's not a fan of roller coasters so much as he is a person who totally ralphs when he goes on roller coasters.

Hehe!

We ate lunch at Tony's Town Square Restaurant. The food was wonderful and the service was just fantastic. The tiramisu was to die for.

We saw Mickey's PhilharMagic which is an awesome 3-D show. The kids and I totally rocked the 3-D glasses.

Aren't we hot? Or something?

I insisted that we all visit the Hall of Presidents and the Carousel of Progress. Not that anyone protested or anything. It's funny, I just remember those from when I was a kid and how cool I thought they were. Turns out? Not that cool. But still interesting and worthwhile.

We had a short wait for the Hall of Presidents movie. We sat down and relaxed in the waiting area, and Jason snapped a couple of photos.

As you can see from the people around us, we were the only people under the age of two hundred.

Also? As you can see, Boy Child and I pretty much have the same sense of humor.

Hysterically, at one point I grew tired of sitting and decided to move over to closer to where the door was that would allow us entry into the show. Seriously, I'm totally not kidding about this, every single person in the room got up, followed me over and lined up behind me.

I said to Jason, "I told you. I'm kind of a big deal."

It was so funny.

Girl Child? Waved at all the animatronic characters. And? Seemed a bit miffed that they didn't wave back.

We did tons of stuff that day, so much that I can't remember it all. I do remember the candy store that we visited because it was so hilarious and also smelled so good.

I don't even know what this is, but doesn't it look tasty? Slap a pair of mouse ears on anything and it looks so good.

I was disappointed in myself for not taking more pictures at the Magic Kingdom. Especially given how many pictures I take just on a daily basis. I did manage to get some good shots though.

I have a very hard time getting any pictures of Boy Child without his arm in his face. Granted, they were standing right there in the bright light. You can hardly help it in Florida.

Everything was all decorated for Halloween, which was cool. It certainly didn't feel like October though. We wore shorts every day.

Overall, we had a great first day. If you are looking to go to Disney World, I would highly recommend going in October. The crowds were so light that we were able to get on every ride we wanted to ride with very little waiting. I honestly don't think we waited ten minutes for anything while at the Magic Kingdom.

It? Was awesome.

Tomorrow, I'll tell you about Epcot. I know you are all dying of anticipation! Or whatever!