Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Sad.

As you all know, I have many attributes such as being overly concerned about being on time, being overweight and unattractive, and having the tendency to curse like a sailor who is not only drunk but high on crack cocaine. In addition to these fine things, I am a worrier.

I don’t worry like most normal people worry. Like, “Hmm. I hope Eunice June is feeling better this week.” I’m the one is holding a prayer vigil for Eunice June. I am the one who is up late at night, so worried about Eunice June that I can’t even sleep. And when Eunice June turns out to be faking? I’m the one who gets hurt.

Not surprisingly, I am hurt by the fact that one of my Girl Scouts quit.

She quit because she said it was “boring” and she wasn’t interested anymore.

A huge part of me knows that there is nothing I can do. That she is a 10 year old girl and 10 year old girls have their own unique set of challenges. I know that she’s had a lot of problems, both at home and at school, problems which are probably deeper than I even realize or will let myself think about.

I know that I can’t fix her.

And that? Is what hurts me.

Because I’ve known her for a year now, and I see the huge amount of potential she has.

And I am ashamed that I couldn’t make her see it for herself.

22 comments:

Sarcasta-Mom said...

I'm a chronic worrier myself. We won't even discuss the agony I wnet through with the last Harry Potter book.

It's not your fault that this girl quit. There may be bigger reasons beneath it that you just don't know about, that have nothing to do with you. Just know that you are a loving and wonderful mother and troop leader :)

Kimberly said...

I think the problem isn't about assigning blame. You know it's not your fault, I think. It doesn't take the hurt away though. It still hurts to realize that we couldn't be that amazing special someone in their life that helped turn it all around for them. It's next to impossible not to internalize that sort of thing, to wish that we could have been different in some way. Chanced upon the right words that would have touched them.

It hurts when you want to fix things and have to face up to the fact that sometimes, you just can't. That people have their agency and can choose whether or not to be affected by the loving care you want to lavish on them.

It hurts.

nailgirl said...

This is not on you. Some kids just aren't into the scout thing no matter how much fun that you think it is. My 12 year old son has been begging us to quit for weeks now. We know that it is boring for him, now that most of the activities are run by his peers, and it is not as organized as it should be. Dont fret what you cant change chick, you cant be the end all for everyone. You gave it the old college try though.

Amy W said...

Yes, it is so not you. Kids are well, kids...

Shari said...

I relate... My boss likes to show documentary films at work... I have finally told him I can't watch them because I get upset... in front of my co-workers, but my upset is that I can't help the people in them and can't get them out of my head for day.

You have such a big heart. Will you be my mom??? Or my sister??? Or even my close cousin?

frannie said...

this is so not your fault--

you know, when I was in high school I was a cheerleader. we had mandatory 8 hour practices for about 3 weeks before school started. we had to bring our lunch. There wasn't food at home for me to bring. I would bring two slices of bread and call it and "air" sandwich. I told everyone that I didn't like sandwich meat.

the point being that sometimes kids say things that aren't true, because the truth is too painful or embarassing. maybe that is the case here.

you are a great scout leader.

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

poor chick. keep your chin up. you are a great leader. sometimes some people are just lousy followers.

M said...

oh honey you're such good people. and a half.

Beckie said...

I think sometimes it is hard for wholesome activities like scouting to compete with the immediate gratification that other activities provide. Kids think they are bored, but they really don't know what they are. Know what I mean...

You are still doing a great thing! Keep on doin' it!

stepmomof2 said...

It's not your fault at all, kids will be kids. I know you feel bad for her, but maybe like you say there were other reasons involved in her quitting like problems at home. Based on your personality, I think you would be an awesome troop leader.

Kellie said...

I? HUGE worrier, too. Scary, big, huge worrier.

You? Don't need to feel any blame for this. Not your fault, nothing you can do. Don't let it consume you.

You? Are awesome.

SJ said...

This Girl Scout quitting is not your fault, you know that.

I agree with Frannie, they just gave a reason to give a reason not really giving it much thought.

I bet there are other issues going on that she didn't want to talk about.

Hang in there! You still have the other girls, and most importantly, they have you.

And that is awesome because you are such a role model.

jan said...

You just need to be sad for now. It really IS sad. When you have a kid or work with kids, sad stuff happens. Hang in there.

Real Life in South Carolina said...

You are so awesome. You've probably touched her more than you know, and you may have another opportunity later on down the road. But I think that how much you care about this little girl - it's a beautiful thing. God Bless you!

Jocelyn said...

The good news is that there's something lovely in your worry--something of character. I wish it could translate into helping that girl.

Of course, you know Eunice Jean died, right?

'Cause no one cared enough.

Amira said...

You have a sister here in the overly worried and overly sensitive department, Chick (i.e., me).

Would the girl get together with you one-on-one outside of the scouts? Maybe that's what she needs.

Dawn~a~Bon said...

**HUG**

Angie said...

I worry too. .. lots of the time about stuff that I don't need to worry about.

I'm just glad that you're there for these girls. . . that means a lot.

And yes, the heart of a 10-year old girl is oh, so fickle!

Catwoman said...

Do you just want to share custody of my ulcer? I figure it'd be easier on both of us so we don't have to be responsible for one each full time.

I'm sorry about that girl. I wish I had fantastic words of wisdom for you.

Edie C said...

Have you thought about having a one on one talk with her? Maybe there's something else going on that you can get to the bottom of. Just a thought...

Other than that, just know, it's not you.

my4kids said...

I'm sorry about your girl scout leaving...that would be harding knowing some of what you know.
I'm a chronic worrier also that is probably why I don't do anything like that I would get to involved.

Rachel said...

Speaking as a chronic worrier, it's not your fault.

Maybe the loved ones that are at home are telling her she doesn't have any potential. That, unfortunately, will cancel out you telling her 20 times a day every day how much potential she has.

Sometimes all you can do is try and it doesn't always work.