Thursday, October 04, 2007

Things which concern me, moderately.

1) My new supervisor? He seems like a nice guy and whatnot, but he always has a lot of chest hair hanging out of his shirt. That just skeeves me out.

Additionally? You can always see the outline of his tighty whitey's underneath his pants. I want somehow to encourage him not to do such things, but I don't want it to appear I am checking him out, but I am MOST ASSUREDLY NOT. It's just that he's really short and I'm usually sitting down when he comes in, because if I stand up I am easily six inches taller than him and I can be really...I don't know. Imposing? Maybe.

Also? How do you say that?

"Hey, Supervisor Individual? By the way? I can totally see the outline of your underwear through your pants. Yeah. Yeah. I know. But, really? Maybe you should think about just submitting to the forty inch waist instead of trying to squeeze into the 38's. Embrace your inner thighs! EMBRACE THEM!"

Maybe that would work. I have my doubts.

2) Also? My new supervisor? He goes through my inbox all the time.

That? Makes me want to put the smackdown on him. Because? Hello? It's my inbox. I have things in my inbox that are not related to you. (I have two separate and distinct jobs at the same company. The two jobs have nothing to do with each other, at all) If you need something, how about ask me, "Hey Chick? Where is this item I need?" and then I will politely hand it to you.

It seems very simple to me.

I dunno. An inbox seems personal. Like...a purse or something. I wouldn't rummage through his man purse.

Okay, that came out wrong. Not THAT man purse.

Gah. Dirty minded people!


3) Big things are happening everywhere right now.

Seriously. If there was a plate to put all the hot mess going on in my life at this moment on, it would be so large it would cover Cleveland. And everyone would look at it and say, "That is one hot mess!"

And really? I just want a freaking break.

I just want the Universe to say, "For the love of really good Wisconsin cheese. Chick deserves a break. Let's NOT have horrible, life-altering things happen to her in triplicate. For at least a year."

It seems like a year isn't that much to ask. Maybe it is.

After a year of non-craziness, I would be well-rested. Relaxed. More able to deal with the day-to-day insanity.

Eh. Whatever. If wishes were nickels...I'd have a lot of freaking nickels.


4) I keep having these dreams? And in my dreams are people from my past. People I hardly even remember, like my ex-husband (and yes, I'm aware of how that sounds, and no, I don't care how that sounds). My mother-in-law. All these people that really hate me.

Which leads me to...

5) For reasons of which we will not speak, I'm getting a little paranoid.

Don't get me wrong. This is a public blog and people are finding it apparently and going to read it and whatnot, and that's fine. Totally fine. I've never said my real name on this blog, or my last name or my children's names. I'm cool with saying my husband's name because, really, how many hundred million Jason's are there in the world?

I honest to God never thought when I started this blog that anyone except my two good friends her and her would ever read it. And I am profoundly grateful and humbled by the hilarious, kind, fantastic people who do read and comment and delurk. It's amazing to me and you have no idea how it motivates me.

I suffer from depression.

Every single week, I see a therapist.
Every single day, I take medication.

I'm not ashamed of that, nor do I think I should be (so don't ask). It is who a part of who I am, and often a huge part of who I am is managing it.

I don't hear voices. I don't have more than one personality. I'm not bipolar.

I'm just, often, profoundly sad. For a lot of reasons, none of which I feel like I need to justify right now.

The point is, writing makes me happy. Writing has probably saved my life, more than once.

I know that what I write does not appeal to everyone. I know that I am a bit to sarcastic for a lot of people's tastes. I know that what I say and feel doesn't always come across the way I mean it.

And that's okay.

But worrying about people seeking me out? That scares me.

And yet.

Knowing that people like what I have to say makes me feel like maybe I don't have to do things that I don't want to do for the rest of my life and maybe, just maybe I do have a potential future in writing and maybe everything COULD be okay.

Therein, lies my dilemma.

So I have no idea what the right thing to do right now is.

And part of me thinks that's okay. And part of me is a little weirded out.

37 comments:

Shari said...

1) Thank you for tackling the man panty line crisis. I wondered who would do it and when. The world should applaud you.

2) Writing keeps me from crazyville. Used to see the therapist, still take the meds... the depression bites the big butt God gave me.

3) I understand your concern and I too get concerned about crazies.

Love you Chick.... Virtual girlie hugs in your direction...

Farah said...

I didn't delurk when I was instructed to, but enough is enough, it's time I stop being a lazy reader and comment. Your blog is one of the first blogs I stumbled upon and I've been hooked ever since. People tell you all the time that your writing is funny, well-written, etc. I have to join in on the praise b/c YOUR WRITING IS FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC! You absolutely have a gift. I appreciate that you share so openly. You remind me a lot of Jen Lancaster. Sometimes when I am reading her work, I get the two of you blurred. If you haven't read her books and blogs, you need to and then you will see that you are more than capable of writing for money.

Ok, I'm done. ;)

Sleeping Mommy said...

I'm sorry that there have been some "things" going on around here lately that have spoiled this little haven for you in some way. You should be able to write what you want and share it and not have people seeking you out trying to make you miserable in some way. I don't understand why people act like that other than they are miserable in some way and trying to make themselves feel better by making other people miserable too.

Writing had done more to keep me sane in the past than anything else I have tried. So I know what you mean.

It's never easy knowing what to do. I wish I had some advice to help you figure that out. I hope you will keep writing and sharing with us though. I'd miss your writing if you didn't.

J said...

I totally agree. Your writing is completely amazing. Reading your blog is like reading a book I can't put down, but have to wait until the next chapter is actually written to read it. Chick, you have a real talent, and I think that if you wanted to write books or articles or blogs, or even the Bible of Mommy Bloggers...you should!

You said that you worry about some people seeking you out, but I really wouldn't worry. That takes a real crazy to do that. Please, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Don't quit writing. I really don't know what I would do if I couldn't read your blog everyday!

Whether you know it or not, you inspire our writing, even if ours is not as good as yours. If my blog could be 1/10 as funny as yours I would be so happy!

Just be you, Chick. You know what id best for Chick.

J said...

Damn. I meant IS. You know what IS best for Chick.

Britmum said...

I love the way you write. You are one amazing woman.

Hugs xx

simonsays said...

Yes, you SHOULD somehow handle the man pantyline crisis...and while we are on the subject, I think short men have issues, yes, I KNOW i am opening myself up to all kinds of criticism here, but chest hair hanging out? Button the hell up....

Rebecca said...

Chest hair, AND pantylines ...wow, way too much to deal with. Does he also wear a huge gold medallion by any chance? Haha! Oh and by the way, I loved your idea of the Elizabethan Gardens for a wedding.
Its not MY wedding either, but I passed along the suggestion just so they can explore all the options.

CPA Mom said...

Damn it Chick, you are the best time writer around. And I have over 100 blogs on my roll so I know of what I speak. I LOVE reading your blog every day. I can't wait to read your eventual book.

I'm doing a post on depression for The Soccer Mom this month. I'll email the link to you when it is done. Again, I know of what I speak. You are not alone.

Anon Blog-Turds can kiss my ample ass.

Doug said...

Chick,

First and most importantly, please keep in mind for each person seeking out your blog to snoop on your life, snark, make evil comments or just cast knowing glances your way from across the room, there are at least 5 people who are seeking out your blog because a friend said 'Hey, this Chick is really cool and she writes well and she's funny as heck'

Is that a big enough number to balance out how much having someone who may know you in "real life" snooping on your cyber space?

I don't know, but I hope that the answer remains yes.

Morgan Leigh said...

:-) i'm not sure what to say. :-) that's crazy though about the manager dude? because really, isn't there a dress code where you work?

Christie said...

Hmm. I wrote a huge comment, and then it disappeared! :/

I totally agree with you about chest hair - especially in the workplace. Yuck.

And yes, he needs to stay out of your inbox. That's just rude. Being your boss doesn't give him the right to be in your personal space.

Lastly, I know where you're coming from about depression. It's the worst, isn't it? I have days when I'm just so sad, for no apparent reason. People don't understand, and I can't make them.

Hope you're having an okay day! :)

Dawn~a~Bon said...

Oh simonsays, I SO agree with you. Anytime I've had any sort of personality conflict with anyone at work - it was a short man.

And Chick? Luvs ya!

Tilly said...

I have no idea how I initially found you, but I try to read your blog every day. Once, I even lost the bookmark, and spent an hour or so trying to find you again.

I like what you write, lady.

Julie said...

I think you should leave something slighly inappropriate - yet harmless - in your inbox. Say a tampoon or two and when he finds it - hopefully he'll be so embarrassed he'll never look again.

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

I wonder if your boss would freak if you bought him some boxers? Cause TWs? Ewww. So 70s. And, I love your writing style. You use paragraphs and everything :0

audrey said...

You should tell your supervisor that only your husband is allowed to, uh, go in your (in)box.

Sorry, dirty mind.

AnnieM said...

Everyone has "stuff" going on right now and it sucks. I think we all just need a big enema to get rid of it all. Wouldn't it be nice if that's all it took. A BIG ENEMA? Just know you are not alone.

Also, Wisconsin cheese is damn good cheese ( says the girl from WI)!

tulips4me said...

I stumbled upon your blog about 2 months ago and have been hooked ever since. Yes, I have spent that 2 months lurking. I love what you write. Do not stop!

It is not ok for the new supervisor to go through your in box however, I don't know how you can make him stop.

M said...

Well I love you on bagels and am still glad I had some part in the creation of SUPERCHICK and her SUPERBLOG.

However your supervisor? SUPERFREAK SUPERFREAK HE'S SUPER FREAKY! YOW! (Come on. Move over so we can sing together baby!)

Priscilla said...

Oh yes! I can relate. You see my shorty boss (5'4) had a man twitch and constantly scratched and adjusted hisself while talking to us girls. He also went through my desk and ate any chips or candy I had left in the desk.

So glad I'm outa there.

Tiger Lamb Girl said...

Chick, You are one of my three favourite blogs. I have to check here every single day to see what's up now, coz morning coffee wouldn't be the same without you.

I not really sure what exactly is going on - but I've got the gist and I hope you don't let the basturds get you down.

They just aren't worth it.

Keep your chin up my girl. You're lovely. And incredibly talented! I hope you keep writing and I wish for you lots of success with it. You deserve it!!

Rock ON, Chickah;)!

Shanilie said...

Great post! I can definitely relate as well. 1 in 4 people are on some sort of anti-depressant so statistically around a quarter of your readers are as well. You are not alone. If there is something out there to help ....why not eh!

Wenderina said...

Chick - "Mean-to-me's" exist everywhere, real-world and cyber-world. Keep finding peace and joy in your writing. I have absolutely NO DOUBT you have a future as a writer. Anyone who can communicate heart and soul the way you can, who can reach this many strangers in a cold keyboard world, is also a person with enough to make those MTMs jealous and petty. Remember you inspire and reach many more people and get much more positive response (like laughs at your new boss' expense) than you do those crazy snarks.

Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

And.....how much longer before you will be in Disney World?

I'm still jealous.

Blessings to you, Chick.
Because you ARE one.

SJ said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I love your blog and I love your writing.

Keep it up and write that damn book already.

frannie said...

If you email me your superviser man's email, I will totally send him a note telling him of his underwear problem. I will also throw in there that chest hair sticking out of shirts is a huge turn off and is gross. he will have no idea who I am and where that came from.

aren't I brilliant? not as much as you, but I'm catching up! :)

sorry you are feeling a bit paranoid-- I know that can suck

Willowtree said...

You have a blog? Who knew?

Oh, and by the way, there are over a billion VPLs out there and very few are on men. Maybe we don't think it's attractive either.

PS, If it gets too bad, just make invite only.

my4kids said...

I sometimes wonder who is reading my blog, like if someone I know or knew or whatever it can kind of weird me out sometimes but I enjoy my blog and try not to think about that to much. The people I've met blogging have been great and for the most part make up for the rare occasions that I find someone I know reading. Does that make any sense???? I'm not sure it does.

The depression thing? Girl your not alone. I've dealt with it for many years. I have been on so many meds for so long though that I got to a point this last year where I started to wonder if I really knew who I was anymore. I quit taking them and it has been hard I'm still deciding if I'll go back. The move has been good for me though. Less stress from many angles but I miss my friends and family....alot. We will see how I do. The meds are a great thing though and I hate it when I hear some person on tv making coments against them. That person should walk in our screwed up shoes sometime and then tell us what they think. My opinion anyway. Like you said my depression and anxiety issues are part of who I am and I except that but won't let myself get lost in it again like I have in the past before I was willing to take meds.
I love your blog Chick, I hope you never leave it. I don't always comment right away but sometimes you leave me thinking of what to say.

Elizabeth said...

I have you on my list of Blogs I Can't Live Without, but I swear I have no plans to stalk you or anything :) In the sea of millions of blogs, yours stands out for the writing, the humor, the way you look at things. I'm sorry that having a blog has made you feel more vulnerable (I read the post about the comment you got from Anonymous. What an asshat).

I've been clinically depressed since my early 20s, probably longer. I've taken an antidepressant every day for years. Many bloggers do, and I think it's because this way of writing, of unburdening ourselves? Is like therapy in and of itself. You don't ever have to apologize for who you are!

Your supervisor needs to be STOPPED. You might not be able to do anything about his panty lines or chest hair (ew, ew, ewwww), but he has no business going through your paperwork. Can you move your inbox to another part of your desk, and then next time he starts reaching for it, say something like, "oh, hey Bob. I had to move my inbox, can I help you find something?". Or, you could always put a mousetrap under the first sheet of paper :)

HeatherAnn Fragglehead said...

Your guy? The supervisor? With the chest hair? I have to work with someone like that during national job-get-togetherness. We were at a tournament a few weeks ago, and he was wearing the tournament shirt. It's a dry-fit material, so it's very... clingy. And he had no undershirt on. And the shirt was white. And he? Had very dark hair. His chest hair was so thick that it looked like he had a bunch of pebbles under his shirt, it was that textured.

God, I've been waiting to share that story with someone. Thank you for giving it semi-relevance.

Amy W said...

First off, I hide my inbox. Seriously. People leave me stuff in my chair, and then I put it in my secret inbox.

And I know you are not alone on this depression thing, and I am VERY happy you write to help you out.

Heather said...

You never have to justify your sadness....I suffer from depression and anxiety myself, so I can say that and KNOW what I'm talking about.

Sabrina said...

I never got depressed till I had kids. Hormones does weird things to you. Feeling like you have to be supermom also does weird things to you. I hid my blog because I have an online stalker who likes to check up on my life and tell everyone about it, that's the only reason. He will find me. He's like a yeast infection that no matter how hard you treat, still comes back.

Anyway, I love your blog, please do keep writing it in, it really makes me laugh and on the days when i'm having a hard time coping, I come to your blog to help me see the humor in my life.

EE said...

Hey Chick! Don't know if it's already been said, but you adjust your settings to not allow for anon comments.
You're awesome!!!!

Kimberly said...

If only there were some anti-panty literature you could just happen to leave lying around.

I do the depression fandago too. I can't think of anything that would make me give up my blog for that reason. It's like the dam holding back the tidal wave, you know?

Rachel said...

My inbox is just that, MY INBOX! Touch it and we've got issues!

Clearly, as seen above, you are not alone in problems with depression. I suffer from it too, just to a smaller degree. Mine is mostly anxiety. I take medication every day. I am not ashamed and I am so glad you are not either.

You definitely have what it takes to be a writer. I love reading your blog! And, I think there are more people out there than you think that would love your writing.