You don't really want to mess with me tonight.

Dear "Manager",

Do you ever, ever, EVER stop talking?

As you can see, I have just walked through the door after a training class that taxed not only my patience but my brain. I am tired, because as you can see if you looked at your email today, I was working until 11pm from home. And? I have a cold that has hung out for over a week now. Do not start hammering me with questions before I have the opportunity to sit down, turn on my computer, and crack a Diet Pepsi. Do not. The consequences are not anything that you and your Oompa-Loompa ass can deal with.

Additionally? No. I do not want to hear your stories. I don't care what you and your mom did this weekend. I could give two craps about what the guy at Sears said. I don't care what you watched on television last night. No. I don't care. I don't care. I DON'T CARE. I. DON'T. CARE.

Here's a hint, because clearly you aren't getting it. If you start talking and I continue to work, completely ignore you, and do not respond to anything you say? That means I'm not interested. Stop talking.

Also? No one cares. No one cares. NO ONE CARES. Keep repeating this to yourself, over and over and over and over again until you understand. No one cares.

Really. No one.

-Chick

PS: Everyone told me that yesterday you said that your plan for the day was to do as little work as possible and then leave early. Please tell me how that is different from your plan any other day, ever?

PS again: When you said that the reason that you had never been married was because women were indecisive? It was all I could do to scream in your face, "THAT IS SO NOT THE REASON." Because let me assure you, that is NOT THE REASON.




Dear Guy at Big Lots last night,

Somehow you have mistaken me for someone who gives a crap. I don't know how you came to this conclusion since I was ignoring you and not even making eye contact and really, I was only there to get my discount cereal and granola bars, not to give you a dissertation on where the mayonnaise, crackers, and tuna are.

I'm not a Big Lots employee. Note the lack of orange vest and my surly expression. Okay, the surly expression goes either way, but anyway. Ask them or find it yourself.

Additionally? I don't think I would purchase mayonnaise from Big Lots. Maybe that's just me, but everything is on a extreme discount mostly because it's old.

Just something to ponder.

See ya never!

That Chick




Dear Management,

I know that you all are clearly much, much more intelligent than I, if we are basing such things solely on your office space and annual salaries, but, um, HELLO, did no one but me notice that there is a massive water leak in a room that has electrical equipment? I mean, can't you hear what sounds like a waterfall? Don't you notice that when you walk to this side of the building that your shoes get wet?

Really? I'm the only one?

Okay then.

-That Chick




"Manager",

Have I mentioned you are a douchebag? Because you are.

The end,

-Chick

PS: If you forward me one more thing to do "when I get time" while you are sitting there talking on the phone to your mom? You will be lucky if you extract my shoe from your ass by next week.




Dear husband,

I love you.

And? After today? I love you even more.

Because if you were like some of these people I have encountered lately? Things would not be good between us.

Love you. Love you. Love you.

Your wife