My good friend Badgergirl has the attitude I wish to achieve in my life.
Honestly, she is just one of the most profoundly grateful people I’ve ever met. She’s also hilarious and smart and witty and just the right amount of snarky and I adore her. Oh and she’s cute as a button and I would KILL for her body and I wish my daughter would grow up and be just like her, because she rocks.
But anyway, yesterday we were emailing back and forth and she made me think (as she often does) about all the things in my life that I should really be grateful for. Not just the big things like my husband and my kids, because anyone who knows me knows that I am extraordinarily, profoundly grateful for the people who live in my house, but for other things too.
Like for one? I’m really grateful that I’m not married to my first husband anymore. For obvious reasons, like he’s an asshat. But also my first husband complained all the time. Constantly. Oh my frog in the morning, the man NEVER STOPPED COMPLAINING. He was the type of person that if his boss gave him a pay raise, he’d complain about it. If he won a million dollars he’d be all like, “I have to pay TAXES on this!” Being around such a negative person really messes with your mojo. Also? It makes you want to crotch punch them. Trust me on that one.
Jason, on the other hand, does not deal well with negativity. While he generally appears surly and brooding in photographs, he typically tries to see the brighter side, and when he can’t? He says nothing. Sometimes, nothing is much better than something.
He’s also appreciative for everything I do. My first husband would complain when I made dinner, no matter what the dinner was. He didn’t like the way I washed clothes (and hello? There’s a WRONG way to wash clothes?). Jason thanks me for making dinner. He says to the children, “Who thinks mom made a good dinner?” and they all raise their hands, even him. Even though he used to be a chef he tells me everything I make is delicious. The other day, when I said, “It seems like we eat the same things all the time,” he responded, “Yay!” He hugged me the other day when I put extra chicken in the chicken stir-fry. He thanks me for doing dishes, for straightening up, for vacuuming. And best of all? He does more straightening up and vacuuming than I’ve ever done, ever.
I am grateful for all of that.
I am grateful for my therapist and all the work I am doing with him. I am grateful that, unlike my previous attempts at therapy, I have found someone who is smart and funny and actually listens and seems to really care about me and the work I’m doing to improve myself. Also I’m grateful that he likes Bob Dylan and gives me book recommendations because those are things we talk about that are not about me and how messed up I am and those are things that make me feel normal. And like maybe he’s a friend and not just a therapist. And maybe that it’s pretty cool that smart and funny people that I know in real life actually like me.
I am grateful when I look at my Christmas tree and see the gifts underneath, even if there are no gifts for me. I know there will be, before Christmas, and I know even if there weren’t I would be okay, because really? There is nothing in this world that I need. Not saying I don’t WANT some things, particularly anything sparkly, but there is nothing that I need and that is a really amazing feeling.
Finally, I’m really grateful for those who read my blog. I know people say that all the time, but really, I am so ridiculously grateful when people email me and say, “Thanks for being honest,” or “You make me laugh my ass off,” or any of the other things people say. Even the mean things, because it means people are reading. People are listening. What I say matters. And I can’t even begin to say what that means to me.