Tuesday, January 22, 2008

The beginning.

Disclaimer: This is not, in any way, in regards to my marriage to Jason. Which is wonderful and fabulous and has absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Part 1


I met him at McDonalds.

It was 1992. I had just started my senior year of high school and I needed a job. Okay, really? What I needed was a car. I was a HOSA (Health Occupation Students of America) student and we did “rotations” in various places like nursing homes and, in my case, an emergency room. We didn’t get to do anything much (except at one nursing home? The CNA? Kept trying to get me to change a colostomy bag) but it was interesting. And we had to drive there in lieu of first and second period. And I didn’t have a car.

I had gotten around, thus far, because I had a boyfriend. I met him when I was 15 and he was 20. Or I guess I should say I met him again, because I had known him most of my life. I am going to assume that my parents trusted him since they knew his family. I will say that there is no way, ever, EVER that my fifteen year old daughter will ever date a twenty-year old man. No. Way.

Because, um, hello? What would a twenty-year old man want with a fifteen year old girl?

Don’t answer that.

Lest I get a bunch of emails from people telling me how they met their true love the day on the day that their mother popped them out of her vagina and the doctor caught them and incidentally they married the doctor when they were only sixteen and they have been married twenty years and they are just MADLY IN LOVE and I’m just a JEALOUS BITCH, I’m just saying. In general. Not a good idea. Maybe it worked for you. It did not work for me.

Along that line, the boyfriend? Abusive.

I agreed to marry him when I was seventeen. On my birthday.

A few months later, in the spring, when I was feeling desperate and lonely and horrified about the fact that I had agreed to marry this man, we broke up. I forget how. I forget why. All I remember is that we were screaming at each other outside his parent’s house (of course, he lived with his parents). I remember I had a black eye. I remember his dad coming outside and yelling at us and telling us we had to come inside. I came in, we sat, and I got up to leave. His mom said to me, very hatefully, “BYE!” Like she was just so glad to see me go. I’m sure she was. She never thought I was good enough for him, ever.

So we broke up. It was just over, just like that.

And I felt…well, a lot better.

I really wasn’t afraid. I really didn’t feel like I would never meet anyone again. I think some of my family members were worried about that, but not me.

I was, however, worried about the prom. I asked a boy I had gone out on one date with (a FRESHMAN, no less), if he would accompany me. He said yes. So that was taken care of.
But there was this guy I worked with. He was tall. He seemed nice. One of our assistant managers told him that I thought he was cute and nice. I forget who asked who out. Probably? I asked him. I was pretty bold back then.

I don’t know. I don’t remember.

I’m kind of sad that I can’t remember, even just the moment, that set my life on a totally different course.

35 comments:

J said...

Did that make you feel better? I hope so.

Kellie said...

Is this going to be another "Installment a Day" type deals?! You KILL me with these!! Causes me to refresh your blog every 32 seconds :)

I? Am very sad to read that you got the snot kicked out of you. Breaks my heart.

J said...

oh, and I am very proud of you for getting out of there. You are a strong woman.

You are awesome, Chicky.

frannie said...

I have a feeling we are in for a ride....

Amy W said...

I too have a feeling this is going to be a crazy ride...

I am Trish Marie said...

I am so glad you are telling your story. Sometimes people just don't see how "smart" girls get into such bad situations. But we do. And honestly, even smart girls somehow end up blaming themselves, until one day it clicks that you have to leave. Then you do, and well, anyone seems like a better choice. But evtually you get it together, and then you find someone like Jason (for me it is Kenny). Okay...maybe that is just my story. I am not brave enough yet to tell my story, but maybe one day. Until then, I will read yours. Thanks for sharing. It probably makes it better for you to get it off your chest, but it also makes it better for those who aren't brave enough to tell their stories yet. So thanks....

Beckie said...

What Frannie said.

I wanted to comment on this one - I usually read just about all of your posts, but I don't always comment. On this story I wanted you to know that I am here - reading, not lurking.

Morgan Leigh said...

((chick)) Wow. I am so sorry that you got abused. That's really horrible.

And, now? I'm wondering what happens next.

stepmomof2 said...

Wow, what a horrible relationship! I thank God that I have never had to endure that.

Squishy Tushy said...

First, so happy you had the balls to leave that asshole.

Second, I can't wait till the next installment...

Angie said...

I am very proud of you. Are you home today, by the way? Not that I'd do a "drive by" or anything. . .but I know kid #1 and #2 are home today. (so are mine)

If you are, I hope you're enjoying some time at home. If not, well, that blows. . or sucks.

Rachel said...

I have a feeling this is going to be one of your best stories. Heartfelt and will give us a little more glimpse into Chick. Cannot wait to read more and I hope it is theraputic for you.

Lisa said...

Isn't it funny, the things we do when we are teenagers that we look back on and say OMG my kid will NEVER do THAT. I dated grown men (20-24) when I was a teenager, too, but if I had a daughter (or even either one of my sons) started dating someone in their 20's as teenagers, I would call the police. Seriously, I would. I'm like that...

Shari said...

I'm hesitant to say "you poor thing"... because I know you are like me in the fact that you are an extremely strong person because of jerk faces like this.

Kimberly said...

It's really quite a sobering thought how what we do can affect someone else's life in a deeply profound way. Hurts we inflict don't last just that one moment...they carry forward, sometimes for a very long time indeed.

I'm sorry you were hurt like that. But I'm glad that you've used that hurt the way you have. You've used it to become and incredible woman who I respect the heck out of.

Thanks for sharing this with us. ~hugs~

Jessica said...

Wow...quite a start. I'm glad you're sharing and hope it helps you--I'm sure it will help some of your readers. And very proud that you are as strong and 'together' as you are, considering what you're been through!

Karen and Bill said...

Wow I know there is more to come. Can't wait for 2nd installment. Baited breath, and all that.

She who does not get counseling from Abusive Relationship #1 invariably gets enmeshed in Abusive Relationship #2, and from what you've said about husband #1? I have a feeling about what is coming next . . .

What is it about McD's employees?!? I worked there the summer I turned 19 (between freshman and sophomore college years) and was repeatedly harassed (sexually) by the asst. manager, because he liked nubile young things (he was in his 30s, married, kids -- yeah) and I was just about the only crew member who was over 18 and not jail bait. Jeez.

Can't wait for more! Thanks for spilling. We love you!

Karen and Bill said...

....of course that was wa-a-a-ay before sexual harassment laws were even a twinkle in a legislators eyes. OMG I'm dating myself, but that was the summer of 1977. EGADS!!

Karen and Bill said...

....of course that was wa-a-a-ay before sexual harassment laws were even a twinkle in a legislators eyes. OMG I'm dating myself, but that was the summer of 1977. EGADS!!

Sleeping Mommy said...

I see you made your decision. I hope this helps you and many others who read it.

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

Men that hit women deserve cattle prod treatment. And, I agree. 15 year olds should not be with 20 year olds. Period.

I'm popping the popcorn & ready for part two.

Angie said...

James White Parkway, eh? You're making it easier and easier for me to stalk you. .. or Jason.

Yikes, now I sound creepy!

kellyo75 said...

I just found your blog-it's awesome. We must be the same age. You graduated HS in 1993? Oh, and the fact that you still say "Your mom" is totally rad. You are SO going onto my blogroll

EE said...

Patiently waiting for 2nd installment...

Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

Yeah....what EE said.
I'll be back tomorrow.

Blessings.

A's Mom said...

I'm just glad that you were strong and walked away. Some women out there stay with men like that until they die (literally). And I'm sure the, for lack of a better word, "relationship" made you a stronger person.

Can wait to read more.

Edie said...

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear you were in such an abusive relationship. NO ONE deserves that. I hope telling this story is theraputic for you.

The good news? You are out of it now AND you have two wonderful children to show for it... keep those in your mind while you finish...

Erin said...

Hey Chick, Delurking here to say Wow, powerful post. I've been reading for awhile but haven't commented yet. Thanks for sharing your story.

SJ said...

No one deserves to be abused. I'm glad you got out, and as all your other readers....

You have me waiting on the edge of my seat.

Dawn~a~Bon said...

Love the disclaimer. Hate the ex.

Robyn said...

Oh wow. How heartbreaking. I am so sorry to hear that you had to deal with that at such a young age! But I'm also glad that you were smart enough to get out of that type of relationship! I may be a new reader, but I'm glad you are sharing with this with everyone. It makes me appreciate the husband I have even more.

Sparkling Red said...

Thank God you didn't marry that guy! I know I had very little sense as a teenager. I tried to hang on to a guy who was verbally abusive to me. He tried to dump me and I hung on for six months before I fully let him go. I was nuts. But that's what being a teenager is all about.

Jenski said...

I am so impressed and glad that as a 17 year old, you made it out of such an abusive relationship. Of course the 17 year old is immediately worried about prom. :)

my4kids said...

The best part of the story is you got away from that jerk! A lot of us make bad decisions as teens but the decision to leave was very smart.

That said I'm sorry you had to deal with a man that horrible to begin with. No one deserves that, ever.

Jocelyn said...

This is one time I'm glad I haven't visited your blog this week: I get to read four installments at once and bypass the waiting.

This is hard stuff to write about. Good for you.