Okay, I know today is the 6th day of this year. I'm slow and also I've been busy doing things like running around the house going, "BLAH! BLAH!", taking down my Christmas decorations in a much more timely manner than last year, and watching Futurama endlessly.
Anyway. Here's my guess of what's going to happen this year. This guess is largely infused with a little thing we will call, "wishful thinking":
1) Some people are going to find out about my blog.
And not like in a, yay these people with money and privilege have found my blog and want to pay me money to write in it way! Probably? It's going to be some people that I don't want to find out, like my ex-husband and my husband's family. Oh and some of my own family, I imagine.
But actually? Maybe they already know. I get a lot of hits from the city in which my husband's family lives. My sister lives there too, so I know at least some of them are her (hi smoopie!), but surely she's not reading my blog THAT much. I mean, she does have a life and three children and all. So the point is, maybe they are already reading it so they can keep up with what Jason is doing. I don't know.
The bigger point is? I don't care.
No really. I don't care. Let 'em read it. Nothing I say is untrue.
As for my ex-husband? Well, if he's reading it that's fine too. He hasn't wanted anything to do with Boy and Girl Child since, well, ever. I imagine he's not chomping at the bit to find out information on them.
Also? Screw him. He doesn't scare me. Not anymore.
2) I'm going to say my real name.
Frankly, I'm surprised I haven't already, unintentionally. I am forever typing conversations between Jason and I and having to go out and replace Myrealname with "Chick". Someday, I'm going to forget.
Also? I said once that if I published something I would do the big reveal, and I think I probably would. Partially because, well, I'm a huge attention whore apparently, and secondly? Because I really think that there at least some people who care about me who just read this blog and haven't met me yet. I mean, there have been five people in the past few days who have sent me links to writing contests, book publishers, literary journals and, especially, notes of encouragement. For God knows what reason, these sweet people actually care about me. I don't think I even deserve it, but I'll take it. I'll take it graciously and, hopefully, give back as much as they give me.
Now I'm choking up. GAH!
3) Get over my fear of meeting people and meet some bloggers!
One, in particular, lives probably fifteen minutes from me and I've never met her. And she's fabulous and I really need to go have dinner with her.
Others live further away. Some probably so far that it's prohibitive, but others? I could make it work. I need to make it work. I need to put faces with words. I need to give hugs.
I need to know that people are real. Not that they are lying, but for me? It's really hard when someone cares about me and I don't know them in real life. Seeing them, meeting them, knowing them face to face will help me. I think. Unless they hate me. That would be pretty depressing.
4) I'm going to get out of the bad employment situation I am in.
I don't know how yet. But I know I will. I know I have to, for my own mental health and my own well-being.
Also? It's much easier since some of the people I cared about and trusted have proved to me in the past few days they really don't give a crap about me. So, you know, why continue making them money? Why continue putting my heart and time into people who really don't care about me and my well-being at all?
So. Forget that. I did my best. I really believed what I was being told. Now I know better.
Call it growing up. Whatever.
5) I will celebrate five years of marriage with Jason.
There were times last year? I wasn't so sure.
Now, I'm sure.
6) Something big is going to happen.
It's just a feeling. I don't even know why. Or what. Or even if it will be good or bad. I've just been feeling for the past few days that this year is going to be a year that something really huge happens.
Maybe I'll start selling my writing. Maybe I'll get an amazing job. Maybe someone close to me will die. Maybe I'll finally accept my infertility. Maybe I'll adopt a baby.
I don't know. Maybe none of it will happen.
But something will.