Friday, February 29, 2008

Open Letters: Happy Leap Day.

Dear guy in the red Mitsubishi Gallant on Interstate 40 at 7:30am,

Dude. I appreciate that you were moving right along in the left hand lane. I waited until you passed me to get over, because I’m cool like that.

But you, practically stopping to try to get the attention of the girl in the Toyota putzing along in the middle lane? So not cool.

The interstate is not Match.com. Please try and pick up women elsewhere, although based upon the way you drive? You are probably going to attract chicks like me. And I am totally married.

Thanks,
That Chick in the Hyundai Santa Fe





Dear Manager type person,

Excuse me? I must have something crazy in my ear.

Because didn’t you, last week, act like someone else did all the work on that major ass project I did? And now? When they need something else? You are calling me?

Why? Clearly I did NOTHING.

Why don’t you call the guy who got the credit to get the additional information? Oh wait, that’s right. We haven’t seen him around in more than a week.

Well. Good luck with all that!

-That fed-up Chick





Dear Other Management Type person,

Sorry about crying in your office like that. You don’t know me well enough to know that I’ve totally had it.

So I apologize. I feel bad that I cried because now you think I’m crazy.

Maybe I’m crazy. But not on purpose.


-That Chick who works for you. Who is probably crazy.





Dear All the Places that have Interviewed my husband in the last two weeks,

For the love of cornnuts, could someone please OFFER HIM A JOB? He's hard working and really nice and smells good even.

Thanks!
That Chick





Dear fiftysomething cases of Girl Scout cookies sitting in my living room,

I am so tired of you and your chocolately goodness already. Gah.

Love,
That Chick





Dear “The Nest Baby”,

STOP SENDING ME AND MY INFERTILE ASS EMAILS. I have told you to take me off your email distribution and yet you continue to bombard me with emails that have subject lines such as “How Big is the YourLastName baby now?”

Oh my GOD, STOP IT. I have enough trouble with my personal fertility without you FLAUNTING IT IN MY FACE.

QUIT.

-That Pissed-off chick





Dear Female family member who doesn’t know me at all,

Telling me that if I would just do what God says when he is testing me does not help. Not even a little. Please quit it.

Love,
Someone who wishes you were a little nicer

12 comments:

Morgan Leigh said...

Oh chick. ((Hugs)) I hope this weekend is really good for you. Things will look up soon, I'm sure. :)

Jenski said...

I'm just going to send happy thoughts your way about all of that. Gallant guy, learn to pay attn to the road. Manager person, learn to appreciate Chick and Other Management person, learn that Chick should get more credit and less crap. (That's a good theme! More Credit! Less Crap!) Places, a job would be good. Cookies, stop being so good. Nest Baby, SERIOUSLY? Family member, figure out an actual way to be supportive. I'm done. :)

Kimberly said...

Leap day...as in...tell someone to take a flying one?

Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

Uh....hello.

And I hope you have a totally awesome weekend.

Blessings.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

De-lurking just to say...

All that crap that so-called loving Christians throw in our faces when we're at our lowest?

It's all a load of bunk (like you said). If they want to be true friends, just shut up and hand us some friggin' chocolate already.

Uh-hem. Sorry. Stepping off soapbox. I've had it with today as well.

Thanks for the letters, Chick.

Tara said...

I just wanted to thank-you for the first laugh I have had all miserable day long. You rock.

Not Specified said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
EE said...

Match.com...LOL!!!

Gerbil said...

By chance did the Mitsubishi driver have Virginia plates? Because there seem to be a fair amount of that behavior on the Beltway.

And your coworkers still bite.

I hope your weekend gets better.

Allie Bear said...

I totally hate when people tell me what to do and then pass it off as god trying to talk to me, bullshit!

SJ said...

Here's to hoping that Jason finds a job soon!!

Love your open letters Chick, as always.

te$$alati0n said...

love your style of writing. very interesting. ;)