Dear guy in the red Mitsubishi Gallant on Interstate 40 at 7:30am,
Dude. I appreciate that you were moving right along in the left hand lane. I waited until you passed me to get over, because I’m cool like that.
But you, practically stopping to try to get the attention of the girl in the Toyota putzing along in the middle lane? So not cool.
The interstate is not Match.com. Please try and pick up women elsewhere, although based upon the way you drive? You are probably going to attract chicks like me. And I am totally married.
That Chick in the Hyundai Santa Fe
Dear Manager type person,
Excuse me? I must have something crazy in my ear.
Because didn’t you, last week, act like someone else did all the work on that major ass project I did? And now? When they need something else? You are calling me?
Why? Clearly I did NOTHING.
Why don’t you call the guy who got the credit to get the additional information? Oh wait, that’s right. We haven’t seen him around in more than a week.
Well. Good luck with all that!
-That fed-up Chick
Dear Other Management Type person,
Sorry about crying in your office like that. You don’t know me well enough to know that I’ve totally had it.
So I apologize. I feel bad that I cried because now you think I’m crazy.
Maybe I’m crazy. But not on purpose.
-That Chick who works for you. Who is probably crazy.
Dear All the Places that have Interviewed my husband in the last two weeks,
For the love of cornnuts, could someone please OFFER HIM A JOB? He's hard working and really nice and smells good even.
Dear fiftysomething cases of Girl Scout cookies sitting in my living room,
I am so tired of you and your chocolately goodness already. Gah.
Dear “The Nest Baby”,
STOP SENDING ME AND MY INFERTILE ASS EMAILS. I have told you to take me off your email distribution and yet you continue to bombard me with emails that have subject lines such as “How Big is the YourLastName baby now?”
Oh my GOD, STOP IT. I have enough trouble with my personal fertility without you FLAUNTING IT IN MY FACE.
-That Pissed-off chick
Dear Female family member who doesn’t know me at all,
Telling me that if I would just do what God says when he is testing me does not help. Not even a little. Please quit it.
Someone who wishes you were a little nicer