Friday, February 22, 2008

Open Letters: Oh. Why not?

Dear co-worker who was recently hired and makes like, 200 times my annual salary just for showing up,

IT'S CALLED GOOGLE. LOOK INTO IT.

Thanks!
Chick

PS: Stop asking me to make you copies! I'm not your secretary!





Dear 16 year old girl in Argentina or wherever who just had her SECOND set of triplets,

Good. God. Have you not yet figured out what's causing this?

STOP IT. Get a new hobby. I hear it's fun to crochet. Why don't you try that?

Sincerely,
Chick




Dear Universe,

Please explain to me how a 16 year old girl with no job gets knocked up for the SECOND TIME with triplets (bringing her grand total to 7 kids, mind you) and my infertile ass can't even get pregnant with ONE? How is this fair?

Additionally? How is it fair that my husband loses his job and I work in hell? We are hard working, decent people. Okay, granted, we curse a lot and say things like "douchebag" and laugh when the kids say "ass". But still. We are good people.

Please rethink this universe. I feel like you owe me one. Maybe just a small one. But still.

Everyone should get one.

-Chick

16 comments:

frannie said...

I think the universe owes you big!!

frannie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AndreAnna said...

The universe does owe you. Hopefully you'll get a turn too.

Kimberly said...

I'm thinking we need to start petitioning the Universe on your behalf or something. This is so messed up.

Tara said...

maybe the universe got confused and this argentinian 16 year old got YOUR triplets?

I guess you could take it as a compliment... you look young enough to confuse with a 16 year old.

I wonder if the 16 year old is having the same conversation with the universe... except saying "stop sending me kids... they belong to that lady in the states!"

J said...

I hate stupid people.

Stupid people shouldn't breed. (or breathe, it depends on how you look at it.)

I wish that the world would bless good people like you (and me!) with more kids. Lord knows that you, of all people, deserve it.

((((HUGS))))

Lil Mouse said...

i hear you. a cousin of my husband's had twins at 17, another one or two in between and twins again, all before the age of 25, i'm pretty sure. nothing against her, but she's not got many brains. there was a medical emergency and we were trying to get her keys so we could move her car to get the ambulance in, and she was trying to get her 15 year old sister to take some sort of prescription depressant, because she was crying and upset (due to the emergency).. she yelled and screamed at me when i interrupted her asking about the car. she kept screaming, it doesnt matter it doesnt matter, it doesnt matter, she wouldnt take 10 seconds to listen she was trying to push pills on this girl so hard (and the girl was already on some sort of meds, god knows what could have happened if the meds shouldnt have been crossed), of course, she never apologized, and made the girl take the meds anyway.. and she gets blessed with 5, 6? kids.. and of course, me = none.. go figure.

Morgan Leigh said...

((hugs))

Stephanie said...

I about fell off my chair when I read that story!

Angie said...

It sucks, sometimes.

But your open letters? Never suck. No, no, no, no, never!

Tootsie Farklepants said...

I think you're cool BECAUSE you say "douchebag".

Jenty said...

I agree, that's just so not fair!!
She needs TV, or something damnit!

stepmomof2 said...

I couldn't agree more!

Amira said...

Once again, I am LMAO. Oh, Chick. I'm sorry for your troubles, but you do make me laugh and for that I hope you feel a little better. :)

Rachel said...

The universe totally owes you! How about if I cash one in and donate it to you.

SJ said...

You are right, it's not fair. I wish you the happiness you deserve.