Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Billy Ray was a preacher's son...

This past weekend while flipping through the channels, I came upon a show on Vh1 that I had not previously seen. I didn't really pay much attention at first. There was noise and fast movement and that's really all I notice anyway. Then I heard the following phrase which is now burned into my memory forever,

"What? My tampon's showing?"


Oh. My. GAWD.


Thus, began my love/hate relationship with I Know My Kid's A Star.

Because seriously. I can't stop watching this crap. I really want to because good gravy, it is horrid. Just horrid. I'm just stunned, appalled and disgusted by these parents. Especially the one who was wearing a skirt so short that she was afraid you could see her tampon string.

First of all, this entire debacle is hosted by...get ready...Danny Bonaduce. Or as I like to call him, Danny Bonadoucewad, or alternately, just The Douche. There are ten children and their parents apparently all living in the same house. They have to compete in various challenges and have eliminations and you know, the basic format of every single reality show on Vh1 these days except this one has kids instead of skankwhores.

Some of the parents seems sane and somewhat normal. The vast majority of them seem to be living our their unfulfilled fantasies via their children. Some of which are actually talented. Some.

There has been only one episode. During which:

-A little girl puked immediately after meeting The Douche. I can't say I blame her, or anything.
-The same little girl donned a pink wig and sang "A Thousand Miles" as though it were a show tune.
-The Tampon String Mom said, "BAM!" to someone and put her hand up in their face.
She didn't do three finger snaps, like I would have done. Also, I wouldn't say Bam. Nor would I wear a cowboy hat, a stripper skirt, and so much eye make-up that the MAC cosmetic ladies would see me coming and shriek, "OH MY GOD! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!" But that's not the point.
-Some kid did ballroom dancing.
-No, I'm not kidding.
-Tampon String Mom also told her daughter that she was a single mom and basically, it was up to Tampon String Girl to win them the money so they could have a big house. No pressure, Tampon String Girl.
-A girl from Louisiana declared that her favorite game to eat was Squirrel. But she also likes deer a lot. So that's more politically correct, I guess.

And...well, that's pretty much the whole show. Some kid got eliminated. He and his dad went home. Tampon String Mom breathed a sigh of relief that one more day she could get her television time and mooch off her kid.

I would get all self-righteous about the fact that CLEARLY Tampon String Mom and probably several other of the parents would become famous no matter how much their kids suck just because they act all batpoop crazy on television, but eh. I'm writing about it, so I'm obviously just adding to the stupidity.

I won't be buying any of Tampon String Mom's cd's though. That's where I draw the line.

27 comments:

beautyishere said...

wow. what won't people do now adays?

KiKi said...

Um...

KiKi said...

Sorry, couldn't think of a thing to add to that.

Allie Bear said...

"Reality" TV is getting ridiculous nowdays, it makes me glad I don't have cable sometimes.

SJ said...

Uh.....hmmm.

On TV? Really?

Long-Stemmed Beauty said...

ROFLMAO. Thanks, that made my night!

Angie said...

I have to say that in my 28+ years of using tampons, I have NEVER, EVER uttered anything like, "is my tampon string hanging out?"

But, now I'll be self conscious every 28 days. Crap.

Heather J. said...

Tampon string girl.....I love strolling in here...I always leave with a new phrase or two.

EE said...

That phrase is now permanently burned in my mind now, too.
Thanks a lot;)

Kelly M said...

OH God....what people won't do for their 5 minutes of fame...SICK!

tiger lamb girl said...

*jaw scrapes the floor*

Seriously. I can't believe the lengths some people will go to - to win money - or 'achieve' fame (or infamy).

lol

tiger lamb girl said...

p.s. don't these people have *any* dignity?!?

Christie said...

and if it was permanently embededded in OUR minds before, it is now.
;)

Sarcasta-Mom said...

I think we all have our guilty TV show indulgences. I will admit, I was addicted to "I Love New York" on VH1, both seasons. Good times....

Jana said...

I'm SO with you! I saw the same show and it was like watching a car accident, you don't want to watch, but you can't help it! That B$%^& was crazy!! But as disgusted with myself as I am for watching it, I'll be tuning in next time. It's so funny cause my sister said the same thing to me yesterday, she was flipping through channels and just started watching the SAME show and couldn't stop!

Dawn~a~Bon said...

I like to call that Lowest Common Denominator television.

I'm not sure whether to laugh or be horrified.

Those poor kids.

Catwoman said...

Does CPS know about this show? I feel like most of those kids should probably be taken away from their psycho parents and given a chance with a normal family.

The Huffs said...

WTF?!? Please tell me you're kidding.

No wonder the terrorists think we're morons.

Can you imagine, if this type of television is our legacy? And people 100 years from now watch it, and wonder how we could be so culturally backward?

Holy crap, that's scary.

julie said...

Ew. I would be so embarrassed. Something tells me she wasn't.

Amy W said...

This past weekend I got sucked into Redneck Weddings on CMT...

Jhianna said...

I had to beg the husband to turn off Big Brother before anymore of my brains leaked out my ears yesterday. I just don't have it in me to watch this stuff - good on you!

(Oh, and now I have this song stuck in my head. Much better than Right Said Fred :)

frannie said...

holy crap! HOw did I not know about this show??

I am Trish Marie said...

Ewwwww. Just ewwww.

Lil Mouse said...

i'll admit that i skimmed this so i could get to the comments. umm jeez, lady you ever think of WEARING UNDERWEAR? jeez! then you might not have to worry about it showing! gosh!

Rachel said...

I saw it too. It's like damn train wreck. You cannot look away!!!!!

TSM (tampon string mom) definitely needs to realize that she is not 17 years old anymore!!

Kat said...

Oh. My. GOD. That's truly disgusting. Horrid. Awful. I'm so glad we canceled our cable because I'm a total Reality TV whore and after this review I'd probably have to watch an episode and then get hooked and HATE myself for it.

I'm a Mom!..? said...

I'm so addicted to all things reality, I must watch this show...