Thursday, April 10, 2008

Hiding.

One of the most difficult things about blogging, for me anyway, is the hiding.

I can't talk about my blog. Jason mentions it from time to time ("How's that blog thing going? Still enjoying that, hon?" Yeah). I can't talk about it at work, for reasons which are probably apparent. It took me forever to even mention it on an MSN board to which I have belonged for five years (and they already knew anyway). My sister knows, and reads, but no one else in real life. No one. That I know of anyway.

So I'm talking to Big Jim on Tuesday and he says, "I cannot imagine someone knowing you, really knowing you, and not knowing that you write."

And that was all it took, you know? I was crying. Because that? Hurts like hell.

Because it's so true.

Imagine the best thing in your life. The thing you love. The thing that makes you happy. The thing that brings you peace and joy and fulfilment. And then imagine you can't share it with anyone, because you know they will be critical and negative and ruin it for you.



It sucks just as much as you might imagine.

20 comments:

Betsey Booms said...

I totally understand. I got an email the other day from a writer telling me I had some talent. I had no one to share it with.

i told my husband, but that's where it ended.

And I don't have the guts to write anywhere else.

SJ said...

I totally get this. I understand.

You are an amazing writer and your passion alone will get you to where you want to be. I know it.

Lara said...

I know. Totally. It really DOES suck.

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine having to keep half your life hidden away.

Sue said...

Why would they be critical and negative? (I mean, I get the work people - they suck, and they can't know.) Why do you feel you can't tell friends and family?

julie said...

Then I guess you're just going to have to be one of those famous-for-being-anonymous bloggy writers. It's not REALLY about the glory... right?

Mom, mommy, hon... said...

I really get what you are saying. I thought no one read my blog. And then I made a critical post about something relating to the church (my husband is a minister). Some church ran to the pastor and complained about my blog and said it made our church look bad. I never mentioned our church by name, it did not even have to do with our church but because my husband is on staff I was asked to take it down. So now that I know there are people reading that blog sometimes I think about creating another one and not even telling my husband about it so that I don't have to censor myself at all.

You are an awesome writer. You should not hide that.

frannie said...

hugs, sweetie. that's all I got- but it's sincere

Suzy said...

I have it all out there and somedays regret it. But in my real life it's all out there so I can't imagine having to hide anything. Although the job situation is always dicey. But look what happened to Dooce!!!

My surgeon now reads mine and I was always telling him to lower the price of my surgery because I was so broke. I then realized that a few posts back I mentioned buying a bracelet for $125. Oops.

I'll have to kibosh a lot until I can walk again.

Dawn~a~Bon said...

**hug**

moooooog35 said...

I've thought about that thing and sharing it.

Then I realized:

Why would anyone WANT my inflatable doll?

Kinda gross when you think about it.

Captain Steve said...

There are 3 people, I think, in RL that know about my blog. 2 of them don't read it, I don't think, and 1 of them does only sporadically. All 3 of them sort of belittle it.

Captain Steve said...

There are 3 people, I think, in RL that know about my blog. 2 of them don't read it, I don't think, and 1 of them does only sporadically. All 3 of them sort of belittle it.

I am Trish Marie said...

See, I don't think that many people would be critical or negative...you except the ones you talk crap about. Don't share with them. Bad idea. But your real life friends, the ones who don't read the blog, I bet they would love it. You are a good writer. And funny. And real. At least from what I can tell.

My friends all read mine. Even my mother. My sister practically tried to stab me with a fork at dinner after she read what I put about her after Easter (hehehe). But they all laugh along with it. Oddly enough it isn't my friends and family that scare me. It is the other way around. I get scared whenever a new reader pops up!

Angie said...

I understand, but I just realized -- as I'm sure you did, too -- that if you went "public" at work, all our favorites. . . open letters, etc., would DISAPPEAR!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Dedee said...

This rang so, so true to me that I just burst into tears.

I'm slowly getting over this need to hide this part of myself. I've started dropping casually into conversations that I've written the first draft of a novel. Some are shocked, some...not so much. So far no one has said anything nasty but I still worry.

~hugs~

Gerbil said...

Know what? I think I know exactly what you mean. I started a blog about being invisible earlier but then wiped it out by making a wrong keystroke.

oh well.

All I can say is... if you ever stop writing? I will send a certain someone's socks to you by mail every day until you resume.

Scout's Honor said...

I hear you.

I never have told anyone about my blog. I know I could quadruple my readership in a second, but then I wouldn't have much material and would filter my language, my thoughts, and my honesty.

Nope, never would have blogged about vibrating sex toys found by eight year olds if friends and neighbors read my blog.

Or my thoughts on my Mormon childhood if my family read.

To be honest, a couple of friends have discovered my blog because my husband uses his blog in his email signature. And his blog links to me and uses my real name.

Sigh.

So, I've been outed a couple of times, but other than that, no one really knows I blog.

Honestly, I think it's better that way. Then you can be honest and shout it from the heart.

Jennilu said...

My family and friends know that I have a two Blogs, but not many of them read them. I guess they don't really care what I have to say. Now that is even worse! Talk about making you sad :(

Rachel said...

I know how you feel. Chris knows I blog, but doesn't read it and doesn't care to. He just doesn't get it. But, I am proud of some of the writing I do. And you should be too, because you are an amazing writer.