Sunday, April 27, 2008

I blame Flavor Flav.

Most of the people I work with are married. A growing number, however, are single. Single and, apparently, looking.

I have a pretty jaded view of interoffice relationships, for a number of reasons. That being said, I would be okay if they would happen for other people I work with. Everybody needs somebody, right? So what if that somebody is overweight and unattractive and have lots of paper cuts from all the shredding and collating and stapling they do? They have a job. And that's more than you can say for the majority of people on Match.com or whatever.

The men at my work who are single are mostly in their 40's. There are a lot of women in their 40's and maybe above who are also single. But the men seem to want to date the single girls. You know, the ones in their twenties.

And I? Think this is the direct result of watching reality television.

See, they see these dudes like Bret Michaels and Flavor Flav and think, "Oh. That's how it works. These guys in their forties have women in their twenties falling all over themselves to be with them. Clearly, this should work with me also."

But they are forgetting that a lot of those women will do anything to be on television.

And that those famous guys? Also have money.

And mansions. Which are probably supplied by Vh1, but whatever.

Oh and, you know, charm.

Okay, maybe Flavor Flav doesn't have charm. But he does have money. And fame, sort of. And apparently really potent sperm because he has like, 200 kids.

Maybe someday they will get that the lady who makes the coffee in the morning can be just as interesting as the girl with the boobies that are a bit more firm. The lady who makes the coffee in the morning has probably had a much more interesting life. She's been places, she's done stuff. And not just made coffee either...real stuff. She's probably traveled. She's loved and lost. She's probably even made grown men cry. And real grown men, not just drunken frat boys wearing hats that say, "Rock out with your Cock out".

They'd probably be happier with the coffee lady, at the end of the day.


But they'll just screw around and end up with no one.









And I will laugh at them behind their backs.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

My lovely voluptous friend's ex-husband divorced her because he wanted a "20 year old hard body playmate." Fast forward 10 years, she is dating a cutie 7 years younger than she is and the ex? He is still waiting for that 20 year old hard body playmate to come knocking at his door looking for a Tommy Lee wannabe. Good luck with buddy!

Lisa O.

Kimberly said...

How sad, eh?

Sarcasta-Mom said...

Seriously, I don't get why so many guys are looking for a 20 year old inflata-girl. I'll just blame reality TV too :)

Luckily, I managed to find a man who likes real women, even if they do have a little junk in the trunk. For all his flaws, GH still loves me for who I am, and will always run out to get me ice cream without complaining about what it does to my ass.

AndreAnna said...

Hey! I met my husband on match.com and we had jobs! LOL

I am Trish Marie said...

I don't just blame Flavor Flav. I blame the whole online dating, IM, text message, instant gratification thing. It's like suddenly everyone feels like everyone else is disposable. Need a new model? Dump the one you got, get online, and by next week have three dates lined up. It leaves people always searching. And wondering why they can't find someone...probably because they looked nothing like that photoshopped picture from ten years ago.

Kim said...

From a 40-something, single woman:

Amen! Hallelujah! Pass the offering plate!

Preach it, Sista Friend!

Allie Bear said...

LOL, I want a shirt that says Rock Out With Your Cock Out! that's like my motto.

Tamsyn said...

I remember my mother wondering where all the single early-forty-something men were, and not wanting to tell her that they were all hitting on me and my friends, apparently. Ew.

If you ask them, you'll get a lot of drivel about their God-given biological urges to reproduce forcing them - sadly - to limit their options to girls young enough to be their daughters. Funnily enough, they never seem to consider that maybe twenty-something girls aren't biologically programmed to find paunchy and whiny attractive.

frannie said...

men are retarded.


it's the only logical explanation.

Christie said...

My boyfriend and I always joke around saying Flava Flav the way he does... that is until one day my son started bawling. I thought it was a coincedence until I got him to stop and my boyfriend did it again and he started crying again.

My son hates Flavor Flav. Good boy

HeatherAnn Fragglehead said...

I blame reality TV for so much of the issues I have with people in general.

But I still watch Flavor of Love. I can't believe what women will do to be on TV and kiss that strange, silly little man.

SJ said...

I second Frannie's assumption! Hahahahahaha.

Amira said...

HA HA! Thanks for the funny saying for the day: Rock out with your cock out.

Funny. Sad, but funny. (And maybe a little bit gross, too.)

Amanda said...

R.O.W.Y.C.O. -- Bwahahahaha!