Last night I decided to go to a different place for a walk. Normally I go to a park near my house, but last night I needed to get gas in my car. There are no gas stations near the park, so I drove just a mile or two down the road to a large track with a playground and a basketball court. I have walked there before, many times. It's not my favorite place to walk. But it's okay.
It was crowded. Lots of walkers. Lots of kids playing ultimate Frisbee. Lots of kids on scooters although huge signs clearly stated, "NO SCOOTERS OR SKATEBOARDS". Whatever. If their parents are standing right there watching them not turn out? Nothing I can do about it.
Boy Child and Girl Child and I started around the track. Already walking on the track were two ladies walking together. Okay, "walking" might be a strong word. Basically, they were trudging.
But, okay, fine. That does not bother me. Actually, I thought it was pretty darn great. Because they were larger women. And I? Am a larger woman. And I think it's important to get out there and exercise no matter how fat you are. You know? Because you might lose weight if you exercise. And even if you don't? Well, you can be healthy. And that's good. Right? Okay!
So I'm feeling good. Like, "Yay! Fat people are exercising! We're all in this together! We're working our bodies so that we can all be healthier and fit!"
Then, I lapped them. I knew it would happen because I was, you know, walking. And they? Were trudging.
I smiled as I passed them and said the standard thing I say, "How are y'all?"
They said nothing.
Until I was about 30 steps ahead of them and then one said to the other,
"DID YOU SEE HER ASS JIGGLE?"
Clearly, I thought, I must have something crazy in my ear. Because, you know, I have a big ass. I know this. It's not a secret or a surprise. But these ladies? Well, they had about the equivalent of five asses. And I could not BELIEVE that someone with the equivalent of five asses would talk smack about me and my jiggly ass.
So I kept walking.
And then the other one said,
"I KNOW! IT'S BOUNCING EVERYWHERE!"
They were talking. About my ass.
I turned around and gave them a look which clearly said, "Oh no you DID NOT just talk smack about my booty."
And they? Smirked at me.
SMIRKED AT ME.
The only thing that kept me from yelling, "HEY FIVE-ASS EUNICE! YOU ARE ONE TO TALK!" was because I had the children with me. And I'm a Girl Scout and we don't do crap like that.
I mean, I know women can be bitches to each other. I see this all the time in my own life. But really? I mean, REALLY? It makes them feel better to call me fat? Honestly?
I finished my walk, got my gas, and went home. Five-ass Eunice was still trudging along.
I hope it works for her. Really I do. Maybe if she loses weight and gains some self-confidence she won't be such an unmitigated anus.