Thursday, June 12, 2008

The Curse.

I did it y'all.

I bit the bullet. I jumped in with both feet. Like Nike, I just did it.

I had The Talk with Girl Child.

About her PERIOD.


*DIES*


Actually, it went pretty well. It was sort of like this:

Me: Girl Child, do you know what a period is?

Girl Child, sweetly: Yes, mommy.

Me: You do?

Girl Child: Yes. Would you like me to explain it to you?

Me: Um, yes. Please tell me what a period is.

Girl Child, patting my hand: It's when you become a woman.

Me: Yes, that's true. But do you know what actually happens when you become a woman?

Girl Child: You can do sex and have babies.

Me: Yes, that's true.

Girl Child: I'm glad we had this talk, mom.

Me: Um, we aren't done. Do you know what happens to your body? Do you have any questions?

Girl Child: No, I'm good.

Me: How about tampons or pads? Any questions?

Girl Child, looking confused: What are those?

Me: They are products you use. When you...bleed.

Girl Child: Like a tissue?

Me: Um, not exactly. A pad is something you put in your underwear.

Girl Child, laughing hysterically: Why would you put something in your underwear to stop your nose from bleeding?

Me: Woo-boy. Let's start over.

So we did what the Modern Mom does, I suppose. I showed her a webpage on the Internet. I think it explained it pretty well. I think she threw up in her mouth a little bit when I explained tampons, but really, if anyone thinks about it very much? It is pretty darn hurl-worthy.

Then I told her, just because you can "do" sex and have a baby, doesn't mean you should.


"Girl Child," I asked. "What will you say if some boy asks you to have sex with him?"

She scoffed. "You wish buddy!"

"You know that's right," I agreed. "And what if some boy says, 'If you love me you'd do it!'"

She scoffed again, and whipped her hand up in the shape of an L, "If you loved ME you wouldn't ask ME to do crap like that!"

"Good girl. And what if some boy says, 'Don't worry! If you get pregnant, I'll take care of you AND the baby!'"



"Come talk to my mom and see how THAT worked out for HER!"


Seriously. I think Girl Child is going to be good. That girl has some serious Home Training.

46 comments:

Dawn~a~Bon said...

OMG how is it that your little dimply daughter is wiser than a lot of the grown-ass women I know?

Oh yeah - it's because she's got that good Home Training!


Hilarious. I am glad you got The Talk over with her!

giants fan said...

I LOVE her!!!! she is my hero!!!

Fine For Now said...

That is awesome! My mom never explained to me what a period is and when I got it I was so confused!

Good for you for doing the right thing for that precious/hilarious girl! :o)

Robyn said...

Girl Child could teach her own class! That girl has it together -- you should be very proud!

Heather said...

that's awesome!

Karen said...

We need to have The Talk with my oldest boys soon and I'm hoping it goes this smoothly.

Girl Child sounds like she's got it together very well!

Sabrina said...

FREAKIN HILARIOUS!

Hopefully it will be a while before we have our "talk"

CPA Mom said...

Home-Girl, Home-Trained. I am seriously printing out her responses for my daughter to use! You rock Girl Child!

Julie said...

I don't think you have anything to worry about there - she's one smart cookie.

the planet of janet said...

oh.my.GAWD.

she is HILARIOUS! and totally together.

good job, mom ....

Rachel said...

Girl Child is awesome! Can she please come explain these things to my kids?

Stephanie said...

HA! She is too funny.

Stephanie said...

Oh...and SMART!

Heather @ Desperately Seeking Sanity said...

They talked about this at school and I did some follow up with Matthew... oh he looked like he wanted to vomit too... don't you wish that they would think sex is gross until they are married? Like some little switch?

I think i'll enjoy it now... however, I do love bringing it up just to see his face... :D

Girl Child ROCKS! (and so does her mom!)

Birth Sister Doula Services said...

Sounds like it went well! :) If I had a girl, I wouldn't mess w/ the whole pad/tampon thing. I'd give her a diva cup and be done w/ it. But alas, I only have boys, so as long as I can get through the teaching them to treat women like goddesses, cook, clean, and do laundry, I think we're good.

Kimberly said...

You are such a fab mom in so, so many ways. Girl child is so lucky.

Captain Steve said...

"I'm glad we had this talk mom." Smoothest kid, ever. At least she had the basics down, all you had to explain was the nitty gritty.

KrittyLynn said...

WOW! You really have done a GREAT job raising her to be a strong, independant woman! That's so refreshing!!

Bethany said...

Seriously love that child!!

Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

You done did good, Mom.

You done did good.

Blessings.

notmuchofacook said...

Yeah, "the talk" is always tough, but you and she got through it fine. God bless the Internet.

kittyconcerto.com said...

"You can do sex and have babies."-*slaps hand to forehead. You did great! Girl Child sure has moxie! I love it.

Mean Stepmom said...

You did great! And Girl Child is smart and sassy like her momma!

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

You go girl! That's just too funny. I'm dreading this talk with my daughter AND sons.

Much More Than A Mom said...

Hahaha! She's hilarious.

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

See. You. Done. Good. She's got it down.

Kiki said...

I hope that if I ever have a girl child she is as wise as your girl child.
You are a great mom and you are very lucky.

reallifeinsc said...

Will your daughter come teach my daughter those lines? I love it! ;)

Catwoman said...

Girl Child Rocks.

As much as you do.

Word!

kristi said...

When I sat down to have the sex talk with Sara, she told me a boy told her all about it in 1st grade.

First. Freaking. Grade.

Jocelyn said...

Her last comment has me on the floor. Since I'm in a coffee shop right now, there is now a crowd of onlookers gathered around me, asking if I'm okay. One ugly guy tried to give me CPR.

Okay, so is it wrong that my kids have never heard a swear word, but they both know what tampons and pads are because THEY'RE WITH ME IN THE BATHROOM EVERY TIME I AM AND WITNESS ANY LIVING THING I DO IN THERE?

My son's only 34, so that's not wrong, right?

Lara said...

Ok, my 12 year old is on her way over. I'm sure you'll do a great job on HER talk too. ;)

julie said...

That's awesome. Do sex.... hee hee hee hee.

Anonymous said...

Holy crap! Your kid is smarter than most of the women I work with and myself until I was...uh...sheesh, nevermind. Your daughter is awesome! Just like her mom!

Lisa O

Dapoppins said...

My daughter is four, will you come have a talk with her?

Tara said...

fabulous!

Ya... tampons are disgusting. I had to explain those lovelies to my brand-new-husband on the 3rd week of our marriage. He was totally grossed out. I said "well, try being me!".

Amanda Daybyday said...

So awesome. What a great mom you are!

Angie said...

You and your lovely daughter are just fab-ooo!

Great job, Mom!

www.startswithanx.com said...

I just had a flashback to "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret."

Creamy Silver said...

You know the old saying: "Anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die..."

Definitely hurl worthy when you break it all down.

Lil Mouse said...

smart smart girl. way to go momma!

Tulip Girl said...

Way to go Mom!!!!

squishytushy said...

I would like to nominate myself for President of Girl Child's Fan Club.

F'real.

PaintedPromise said...

THAT is definitely one for the archives... and thanks for bringing back the memories... when i asked my daughter what she learned in school at sex ed and from talking with her friends, so i could clear up any questions, one of the things she said was "you shouldn't have sex until you are at least 16" OMG it was so hard not to freak... How. About. At. Least. EIGHTEEN!!!!!!!

I am calm. Really. Because she is now 25 and happily married. With no major issues prior to that...

Thank you God!!!!

notsosmallfries said...

Best story ever! I love GC with pink puffy sparkle hearts.

EE said...

Good stuff, Chick...Good stuff!!!