I did it y'all.
I bit the bullet. I jumped in with both feet. Like Nike, I just did it.
I had The Talk with Girl Child.
About her PERIOD.
Actually, it went pretty well. It was sort of like this:
Me: Girl Child, do you know what a period is?
Girl Child, sweetly: Yes, mommy.
Me: You do?
Girl Child: Yes. Would you like me to explain it to you?
Me: Um, yes. Please tell me what a period is.
Girl Child, patting my hand: It's when you become a woman.
Me: Yes, that's true. But do you know what actually happens when you become a woman?
Girl Child: You can do sex and have babies.
Me: Yes, that's true.
Girl Child: I'm glad we had this talk, mom.
Me: Um, we aren't done. Do you know what happens to your body? Do you have any questions?
Girl Child: No, I'm good.
Me: How about tampons or pads? Any questions?
Girl Child, looking confused: What are those?
Me: They are products you use. When you...bleed.
Girl Child: Like a tissue?
Me: Um, not exactly. A pad is something you put in your underwear.
Girl Child, laughing hysterically: Why would you put something in your underwear to stop your nose from bleeding?
Me: Woo-boy. Let's start over.
So we did what the Modern Mom does, I suppose. I showed her a webpage on the Internet. I think it explained it pretty well. I think she threw up in her mouth a little bit when I explained tampons, but really, if anyone thinks about it very much? It is pretty darn hurl-worthy.
Then I told her, just because you can "do" sex and have a baby, doesn't mean you should.
"Girl Child," I asked. "What will you say if some boy asks you to have sex with him?"
She scoffed. "You wish buddy!"
"You know that's right," I agreed. "And what if some boy says, 'If you love me you'd do it!'"
She scoffed again, and whipped her hand up in the shape of an L, "If you loved ME you wouldn't ask ME to do crap like that!"
"Good girl. And what if some boy says, 'Don't worry! If you get pregnant, I'll take care of you AND the baby!'"
"Come talk to my mom and see how THAT worked out for HER!"
Seriously. I think Girl Child is going to be good. That girl has some serious Home Training.