Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Oh! The Humanity!

As I have mentioned many times, I am married to a Very Appropriate Man.

I don't mind this, necessarily. Most of the time, even though I am more along the lines of Wildly Inappropriate, his appropriateness does not bother me. Frankly, I would much rather him sit quietly and listen thoughtfully and respond tactfully as opposed to being one of those guys you see on Cops with no shirts on who are yelling and/or crying because they've been pulled over and they "Didn't do nuthin'!"

I mean, there could be some middle ground, maybe. I don't know. I deal with what I have.

Yesterday Jason comes home, extremely insulted.

"Can you believe," he asked me, "that my boss asked me to go the restroom when I blow my nose?!"

"The NERVE OF THAT BITCH!" I said, sarcastically.

"I know!" he said, completely missing the sarcasm, as usual.

I sighed. "Jason. For the love of God. Just go to the bathroom when you blow your nose. It grosses some people out."

I mean me? No. Snot does not gross me out. Vomit does not gross me out. Brain surgery and childbirth? Not gross. Someone could hack up a kidney in front of me and I'd be like, "Do you need a napkin?"

It's hard to gross me out.

But I get that some people don't want to hear you blowing your nose. I do. I respect that.

Jason, however, looked even more wounded that I was not taking his side and declared, "But! But! The bathroom is RIGHT NEXT to the office! It's like ten steps away!"

So I smiled, and nodded. Because I was losing this battle, for sure.

"AND! AND!" he said, more excited than he was on our wedding day, "I had to hear Coworker VOMIT THE OTHER DAY!"

"You should file a lawsuit," I said, quite seriously.

He doesn't think I'm funny at all.


Kiki said...

Lady... you are the funniest thing since whoopee cushions!

B&K said...

OH! OH! That's nothing. Our boss -- our CEO, mind you -- sits at his desk (which is in the office next to mine) and snorts the snot in his nose with a long "snnnnnarrfffff" noise back into his throat and he makes this gawdawful disgusting noise with the snot and his nose and throat, and it absolutely grosses me out!!! I could only WISH he would just blow his nose and get it out and not "gargle" it in his throat.

I mean, ewwwwww GROSS!!!!

Jason's boss needs to know that it could be worse. MUCH, much worse. At least Jason doesn't sound like he's having it for a snack. Ugh. Now I'm not hungry for lunch anymore.

Kimberly said...

I kinda see Jason's side on this one.

Unless he's got bad aim with the kleenex and snot flies everywhere or something.

Sabrina said...

That is freakin funny!

frannie said...

well, Jason must not be breathing and human... 'cause how could he not think you are funny!!

Cat said...

I think its funny. lol Guys don't get it. Scra honks his nose and wakes the whole house up even if I say sssh the boys are asleep.

Too funny!!

Hugs xx

Angie said...

Gosh, can't see why he thinks he's losing this battle. . .

Jason said...

I don't think you are funny. I think you are hilarious.

Sarcasta-Mom said...

Poor Jason, he endures so much. LOL.

Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

Some may think it's funny, but it'snot.

It's down-right hilarious!

Blessings, Chick. Blessings.

Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

Sounds like he's got a bugger of a problem.

Okay, I'll stop now.

Mikey said...

Dying laughing here. You and me both girl. Not much grosses me out. I had a goat hoof fly up my nose the other day and had to farmer snot it out. TMI, I know. But still.... true
I just love you. I send you big hugs mentally every time I read you. And I'm not commenting on the not commenting post, because I'm commenting here. At 1 a.m cause it's the only quiet time in this crazy house.
But know this. You ARE the funniest thing since the whoopee cushion. You are WAY more than you give yourself credit for. But it's a lot of fun for us readers to watch you realizing just how hot shit you are. (We TRY to tell you!)
Yet you're still humble, down to earth and just like the rest of us.
And if my child ever asks me what fellatio is - I'm pretty sure I'm not going to handle it as gracefully as you did. Hell, according to spellcheck I can't spell it. Therefore I should not explain it. Definitely I should not attempt to perform it.

judy in ky said...

Hi! I read your blog every day, too. I have commented on several occasions. I have a google account that doesn't always recognize me. I have to keep signing up over and over again with new passwords. Some days, that prevents me from commenting. Does anyone out there know what the problem could be?
By the way, I am a committed dork and I love dorks, too. I enjoy your humor and love to read about your kids.

Julie said...

At the risk of being gross - I kind of can side with Jason. I used to sit about 15 steps away from the bathrooms. This one guy would go in like multiple times a day and hock lugees. And in a big empty bathroom the sound just amplified and we could hear it perfectly clearly from the office. Didn't matter he went in "private" to do it - it was all still very public.

Snappy said...

I agree with Jason, unless he's blowing his honker at the [dinner] table. In which case, is SO TOTALLY DISGUSTING!! I can handle co-workers snottin' it up in the office, but not while I'm eating. I am also a sympathy puker. Not that you needed to know that, but I'm just throwin' it out there. lol

Lil Mouse said...

okay sometimes if you REALLY have a cold and its gushing and really loud, it might skeeve me out a little bit, but i get over it. seriously, those people must be idiots. although i love your reaction. :-)