Thursday, July 24, 2008

Missing.

Yesterday morning as I was rummaging through my closet looking for something to wear, my eye caught the picture that hangs next to the window, right beside the closet.

Instead of having a guest book at our wedding, Jason and I took a white photo frame and a marker and asked everyone to sign it. That way we could have it hanging on the wall.

Our wedding was small. The mat inside the frame is an 8x10.

And there on the side, clearly, was my grandmother's name.


I miss her.


A few months after our wedding we went to Virginia to celebrate her 90th birthday. Everyone was there; all of her family came. She asked Jason and I how were were enjoying married life. Despite the fact that we had a huge argument on the way to Virginia, we told her it was good.

Because, you know, it was good. Even when it's bad it's still good.

She smiled, sort of wistfully, and said,

"It must be good to not be alone. It's so hard to be alone."


My grandfather had been dead for nine years at that time. I can't imagine how lonely she was.



I hope she's not lonely now.

Even if I am, because she's gone.

16 comments:

Lara said...

The frame signing is an amazing idea.

I remember my grandma teasing me about the hem I put in a shirt I made. I had hemmed it with double thread, and the hem looked bulky. Se suggested I use triple thread the next time.

She died just before I started 8th grade. I'm 44 now. I still miss her too.

But I can still laugh about the triple-thread too. Memories are wonderful things... they keep the people alive who are no longer here.

Kellie said...

She's not lonely. Neither are you. She's in your heart.

:)

Betsey Booms said...

We did the picture mat signing for our guestbook too... Which I love because everyday I can look over and see those who shared our day with us and their kind words.

I'm quite sure your grandmother is not lonely now...

KrustyLynn said...

Great idea for the Wedding "book".


Sorry about your grandmother. I know sorry doesn't touch the hurt.

But, I AM sorry.


And thanks for commenting on my "blog"--It felt like I had been visited by a celebrity. :)

Smilf said...

We did the frame guest book too and it's hanging in our living room. I adore it.
I am so sorry about your Grandma. :( I can't imagine.

CPA Mom said...

We did the exact same thing - no book - just a picture of us with everyone signing the mat around it. Ours is huge though.

I'm sorry you are sad today about Grandma. Hugs to you!

CPA Mom said...

I forgot to say, I was JUST looking at OUR frame and feeling the same sadness on seeing Jane's signature and thoughts. I miss her terribly.

A is for Asshole said...

My grandmother died when I was 5, I don't have any memories of her except in a hospital bed so I don't really know how you're feeling right now but I do know that your memories will bond you to her forever.

Kiki said...

I am sure that your grandmother and grandfather are looking down on you with huge amounts of pride. Take what you have learned about life and love from your grandmother and pass it on to people you meet. That way she will live on. I hope that you find comfort soon. I know how difficult it is to lose someone you love so much.

J said...

It's hard to miss someone you loved so much. I know how you feel. 5 years from now you will still look at things and think of her, and miss her, but the hurt wont hurt quite as bad.

She was so lucky to have you.

Kimberly said...

It's so nice to have the belief that there's a life after this one. Doesn't make it stop hurting, but it makes missing someone a little less horrifying. You'll see her again. You really will.

Jana said...

((HUGS)) :o)
I hope you feel better!

Angie said...

God has interesting ways of reminding us about the people we have lost and loved, doesn't he? What a precious memory -- and what a special way to always remember her.

Birth Sister Doula Services said...

She's still with you, sweetie. Always. You may not be able to see her, but she's there. She's in your heart, she's in you, she's in your children. And I know she's watching over you, proud of you for all you're doing.

Jenski said...

It is good to have those memories of family members who are no longer with us.

P.S. I passed on an award if you want to check it out.

Rachel said...

She's not lonely. She's sitting with your grandfather and they are catching up and watching you and your family and probably saying to each other how incredibly proud they are of you.