Friday, July 18, 2008

This just in.

Jason likes to watch the news. In fact, if he could he would watch the news pretty much 24/7. And he does when he is not at work.

I? Don't care for the news. I figure life sucks enough without having to see what is going on in Outer Mongolia. I don't like to hear about child molesters. I don't like to hear about people getting murdered. I suppose I'm not very aware of the world around me and sadly, I like that just fine.

Jason was watching a news program in which the announcer (who's name I won't mention because I don't want it on my blog) said, "Well, I don't care about gas prices since I have plenty of money and I can buy all the gas I want!"

I said, "How can you watch this crap? Did you HEAR that guy?"

Jason said, "I know. I just watch it for information."

I said, "You just watch it for doucheortation."

He laughed.

"Jason," I said. "Out of all the douches you watch on television? He's the most vinegary."

Jason howled.

"That was really funny!" he said almost in...surprise? I guess.

"I'm freaking hilarious," I informed him. "Stick around."


How does he not know this after almost nine years together and five years of being married to me?

I deem his listening skills as "needs improvement".

19 comments:

CPA Mom said...

needs improvement indeed - you are VERY funny.

I must know what fucktard news announcer said that. Outloud no less.

Misty said...

Wow. Honestly, what an idiot. (no, not Jason. The news guy) I mean, it's one thing, I guess, for it to be true. It's another thing for him to think it... But to say it? Out loud. On TV? What a shmuck!

Betsey Booms said...

Screw that news guy.... Seriously...

And Jason? Is too funny... If only he knew how funny you are. If they put it on the news he'd know.

Lara said...

He's a man. They ALL need improvement on listening skills. Even the keepers.

Kiki said...

Chick... I think I peed my pants a little when you said that the news guy was the most vinegary. My new boyfriend even laughed. Tell Jason to get the wax out and pay attention. You are the funniest things since the whoopie cushion.

B&K said...

He's a guy. Comes with the terrirtory. They are programmed to respond to only three words -- beer, food, and sex.

See, if you said to him, "Jason, my boss wants us to go to an awards dinner tomorrow; the food is supposed to be lousy, but oh well. Oh and I bought some beer today; it's in the fridge. I talked to Sue and Joe, they found out the sex of their baby today."

This is what guys hear:

"Blah blah blah blah blah food. Blah blah blah beer. Blah blah blah sex."

It's genetic or something. I can't figure it out.

Tara said...

yep... I hate the news too. It drives my husband crazy. But seriously, why do I want to hear about a zillion problems I can't even begin to fix and will only give me nightmares? no way.

I tell my husband I am hilarious too. Perhaps I have a more refined sense of humour than him? ya. right.

the planet of janet said...

ha. i figured out you were freakin' hilarious in a lot less time than that ;-)

and that announcer? should be smacked.

Stephanie said...

Isn't that a given with men? :P

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Yep, Jason sounds like your basic absent-minded husband. God bless him.

~Sheryl said...

Chick, shame on you. After being together for nine years and married for five, you should already have realized he has no listening skills... he's a boy.

"Jason. what the hell?" should have told you that. hehehe

I know I'm in trouble... my two year old is already responding with "huh?" when you say something to him.

PS... I happen to think you are freaking hilarious too.

Rachel said...

Men and there selective hearing. It must be something in that y chromosome.

Catwoman said...

He was watching FOX News, wasn't he? The only reason we have the freaking package on our satellite is because of Sweetie Pie's unwillingness to live with that crap network.

If that a-hole can afford all of his gas, why doesn't he just pay for all of ours too?

"J" said...

You do crack me up! I've only been around for a month or two! lol

For real...
The news guy said that! What a freaking JERK!

Kimberly said...

Glad he's finally catching on!

J said...

heee. you indeed freaking hilarious!

Laura said...

I dont watch the news either! I read the headlines on the lampposts on my way to work and then can at least fake it if need be!!!

LOL at least he is getting it NOW!

Jenski said...

I had to start paying slightly more attention to the news when people found out I was reading blogs instead of CNN. I had the same response - war, death, etc. I get it!

Lil Mouse said...

thats like my hubby being 'surprised' every time i have a good idea. even if they're 5 minutes apart. what a doofus. and sometimes i watch the news and sometimes i dont. sometimes i go to CNN and just read the headlines aloud. crazy crap.