I was talking to a relative of mine recently about John Edwards. No, not the psychic. The guy who wanted to be Vice-President about four years ago.
To be fair, I should preface this by saying I don't like John Edwards. I did not like him when I lived in North Carolina, I did not like him when he was the Vice-President wanna-be and I liked him even less when I found out he stuck his weenie into another woman's hoo-hoo diddle.
But really, what difference does it make in my life? He's not my husband. He's a private citizen. Lots of people cheat on their spouses, sadly. I get that. I don't like it, but I do get it. So whatever. Makes no difference to me, right?
But I don't like him. I just want to be upfront about that.
So anyway, the relative of mine said the following and I swear I think my hair caught on fire I was so angry,
"I feel so sorry for him. That woman tempted him."
Well, boo-freaking-hoo. Aren't we as, you know, humans tempted pretty much all the time? I know I am. I work with this one guy that I have a mad, ridiculous crush on. He's adorable and funny and nice and I really like him as a person. That doesn't mean I would ever let him stick his weenie into my hoo-hoo diddle. For the love of God.
But before I could even protest this? My relative said,
"And you know...Elizabeth Edwards is kind of overweight."
Literally y'all. LITERALLY, I shook my head. Because I was sure there was something crazy in my ear and I could not POSSIBLY be hearing that correctly.
So. Let me get this straight.
Elizabeth Edwards. Mother. Beautiful. Brilliant. Kind. Loving. Funny. Well-educated.
So suddenly, the first seven adjectives mean nothing. The only one that matters is the eighth. The one that really should matter the least.
And you know, it stopped being about John Edwards at that moment for me. I mean, yeah. He's a dog or whatever. He cheated. He sucks. The woman he cheated with sucks. They both suck.
But suddenly, it has to be about Elizabeth Edwards. Not about how I feel about her (because frankly? She lost cool points with me when I found out that she knew he cheated and she stuck around anyway). Not about who she is and everything she's accomplished.
About her weight.
So. How fat does one have to be before it's socially acceptable to cheat?
I know I don't know the whole story. I don't know the situation. I've never walked a mile in her shoes...or his for that matter. I don't really know how I would react in this situation if it happened to me (although I think the f word would be thrown about copiously and Jason would have to dislodge my foot from his ass). So I'm really not judging them. Honestly. I don't know what they should have done. I have fantasies that Elizabeth would get on television and say, "The hell with this hot mess, I'm leaving", but in the absence of that, I don't know what.
But am I judging people who think that it's okay for your spouse to sleep with someone else because the other person gained weight.
I really want to know. How fat is fat enough to cheat?
And also? What in the damn hell is wrong with people?