Thursday, August 14, 2008

So big.

I've been very reflective lately, and I don't mean shiny. I keep thinking about my life; who I am now, how I got to this point and, most importantly, who I want to be.

Doesn't that sound mature and grown up and crap? I know!

So I've made some changes. I'm losing weight and getting healthier. I exercise even when I'd rather gouge my eyes out and then pour a vat of salt over them. I'm less stressed at work. My house is clean nearly all the time. I'm writing a book. I'm slowly but surely breaking off my relationship with Sallie Mae.

I'm also, more painfully, realizing there are people in my life who don't need to be there. I'm slowly moving in a different direction and sometimes, in doing so, I'm leaving people behind.

It's hard. But it's okay.

With all my new found knowledge and whatnot, I'm rediscovering myself as a mother. Because, as I've admitted before, I sometimes forget I'm a mother.

I never forget I have children, but sometimes I forget I'm a mother.
Does that make sense?

Maybe not, because most of the people I know who are mothers have babies or toddlers. They forget I'm a mother too. They don't ask my advice because, hell, what do I know? I just raised two kids by myself for five years. The first five years of their life, mind you, which I have on good authority are the most vomit-filled and poopy. I clearly have nothing to bring to the table.

But I plod on. The mother of two ten-year old children.

But...also? The wife of a really wonderful man who, after I leave him for a Girls Weekend leaves me flowers on the kitchen table. The employee of an absolutely insane company. The friend to women and men of all ages. Alpha female to a really wonderful dog.

Writer of books. Singer of songs.


And above all, mother of two ten-year old children.


No matter how big or how huge my life becomes. No matter how busy I am. No matter what else or who else I ever am. It always come down to them.

13 comments:

Jonny's Mommy said...

And that's what is important.

Flat out.

HeatherAnn Fragglehead said...

Are we sharing a brain? We might be.

I sometimes forget I'm a mother, too. It's weird, isn't it?

I'm glad you're taking care of yourself and moving in a direction that makes you happy. That makes me happy, too. :)

P.S. That Sallie Mae is a nagging bitch, isn't she? Oy.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Cover stick and some powder helps with that whole reflective thing.

Wait. Never mind.

And? I would totally ask you about twin advice. Specifically boy/girl twin advice. But I'm a closed-off, don't want people to realize I have no fucking idea what I'm doing, kind of gal.

I need to stop that, don't I?

And knowing what I've been through the last three years with my twins in the first three years of their lives. And doing it with a husband. And knowing it has been in-frigging-sane, I have so much damned respect for you.

*Hugs*

heather of the EO said...

I love this post. So honest. If you weren't a stranger and I knew you in real life, I would ask questions (as the mother of toddlers)
I love asking questions and don't understand why most moms I know seem to know everything already. Fakers.

Allie Bear said...

I'm so glad that things are working out for you now and you seem to be so much more happy. You seem like wonder woman to me.

Lil Mouse said...

isn't that the truth? and that's one thing no one can ever take away from you. you're their mother.

Kimberly said...

I love, love, love that insight. I often remind myself of that, and wish I reminded myself more often.

Dawn~a~Bon said...

You are my mom-hero. If I'm lucky enough to have kids, I want them to be just like your kids.

BS said...

I whole heartedly agree with you.

giants fan said...

it's nice to remember the truly important things! :)

Sarcasta-Mom said...

I know exactly what you're talking about- sometimes I forget I'm a mom too. Oh, and the ladies at my work? NEVER ask me any child related questions even though I have two happy, healthy, well-adjusted kids. Some people are just asses....

Sarcasta-Mom said...

I know exactly what you're talking about- sometimes I forget I'm a mom too. Oh, and the ladies at my work? NEVER ask me any child related questions even though I have two happy, healthy, well-adjusted kids. Some people are just asses....

M said...

I love you.

I think I'll just copy and paste that to every fucking comment I leave.

You rock it.