About four hundred people have tagged me lately to do that thing about listing seven quirks or odd things about myself or whatever. I'm sorry that I can't recall everyone (okay...anyone) who actually tagged me. I'm a big hot mess. And no, I'm not counting that one as one of my quirks.
1) This one time? I was drunk-dialed by someone who is technically my relative but had no business drunk-dialing me.
And he told me things and stuff. Things and stuff which are bad. Bad, bad.
2) This one time? My former boss drunk-dialed me.
You would just have to work where I work to understand this.
And yes, it was a woman.
And yes, it was hilarious.
3) I have an almost painful obsession with Googling people that I used to know.
Sometimes? I google pictures of Jason's ex-girlfriends? And I email them to my friends? And I say, "I'm prettier than her, aren't I?" and they always say yes.
I guess I should be ashamed of that but sadly, I am not.
4) I think porn, for the most part, is hysterically funny.
I can't even justify that. I just think it's funny. I don't think sex is funny. But porn cracks me right up.
5) I talk a big game, but I'm really pretty chill.
For the most part? If you are not me or my spouse or my children? I don't give two craps what you do. If you want to dance around and drink martini's off somebody's butt, help yourself. I could give a crap.
I don't care what political party you support. I don't care if you eat meat or not. I don't care if you are fat or thin or inbetween. I don't care if you wear fur. I don't care if you have fake nails or are poor or live in a tanning bed. I don't judge you if you go to church or don't go to church. Hell, I don't even look down on you if you like Paris Hilton.
You are who you are. And I'm cool with that.
If you're a pedophile or beat your kids or are mean to animals, I have issue with you. And I'm sure there are some other things I have issue with. But for the most part, do your thing honey!
6) I do not understand women who are afraid to date because they are overweight.
I mean no offense, honestly I don't. But your life doesn't start when you get skinny. It's now, today.
And seriously? There are no shortage of men who think a girl with boobs and hips is sexy. I don't know if people watch to much television or what, but this is real life and a lot of men like something to hang onto.
So go out and find one, if that's your thing. For the love of God.
7) I find it hysterically funny when infants flip the bird.
I can't help it. I'm not right.