Friday, November 07, 2008

The love of my life.

I know this is going to come as a complete and utter shock to you, but I'm pretty freaking weird.

I know. Try to hold yourself back.

Seriously, I'm perplexed today because I was looking at some wedding photos of two twenty year old virgins and someone had said, "Oh, look at him (the groom...duh) looking at the love of his life!"

Now I know. Every time I say things like this I get a bunch of email from people who say, "OH MY GOD YOU ARE SUCH A JEALOUS BITCH! I MET THE LOVE OF MY LIFE WILLIS WHEN I WAS FOURTEEN YEARS OLD AND WE HAVE BEEN MADLY IN LOVE AND MARRIED FOR ELEVEN YEARS AND YOU ARE JUST A BITCHFACE COCKSLAP, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!"

So, okay. I get that. I'm a bitchface cockslap.

But I still have to say, I'm utterly fascinated by people who have figured out this whole "love of your life" thing at the age of twenty.

Because honestly? I'm thirty-three and I'm not sure my husband is the love of my life.


There. I said it.


Not that I don't love my husband. I love my husband. I mean, I love my husband. He is absolutely my best friend on the planet. He's hilarious and sometimes he even means to be hilarious. I would not want to imagine living my life without this man in it.

That being said? I did live my life without him in it. For twenty-four years. And I was okay.

Do I feel like he filled a gaping hole in my life? Yes, I do.
Do I feel like he makes my life better? Yes, most definitely.
Do I feel like I am a better person because I love this man? I do.

Do all of these things mean he's the love of my life?

I'm not sure.

Because you know? This is how my day went the other day:

I can't sleep so I'm awake at 3am.
I leave the house at 7am.
I work with people who are probably actually criminally insane.
I leave work at 4:30pm and I don't get home, and I'm not kidding about this, until 6pm.

My spouse says to me:

"Why are you home so late?"

I have been telling him for two years that it takes me this long. Listening is not one of his strongest attributes.

I make dinner.
I help children with math homework.
I wash two loads of laundry and one load of dishes.

And at 9pm at the exact second my butt hits the couch? My husband says to me:
"Did you want to vacuum or should I?"

I refrained from putting my shoe up his ass and very politely informed him that I wouldn't be vacuuming that evening. Then he vacuumed and was really cheerful about it, so I didn't feel terrible, but I was left to ponder:

If I was the love of his life or he was the love of my life, wouldn't I have vacuumed?

I don't know. I know it's not that simple, but I guess the whole concept of "love of my life" is confusing to me. I know what all those words mean separately, but together they create a big wad of mass squick inside my brain.

How do you know? I mean, I love my kids and I imagine I will love them their entire lives. I even loved them when they were really little and freaky looking and did things like poop on my arm. Aren't THEY the loves of my life? I've loved my dog from the second I met her and I can't imagine ever not loving her either. Also? I have a pretty wicked addiction to Diet Pepsi and Fiber one bars. I make up songs and sing them IN PUBLIC about those two products. And if that's not love, well. I don't want to know what is.


Maybe it's just me.

22 comments:

AndreAnna said...

Ha. Bitchface cockslap may now be my new favorite word.

Bethany said...

I have actually wondered the same things. Except my kids are not twins and I don't have a dog and I have never had a fiber one bar and my husband's name isn't Jason and he wouldn't offer to vaccuum, he would say the floor's not that bad but other than that, I've often wondered the same thing.

Lily's Mommy said...

You crack me up so bad. I must admit I wonder the same thing about the "love of my life". Like, my daughter wouldn't nap today so I hoped, fervently, that she would stay up late enough to sleep through the night. She fell asleep as her daddy came home, who encouraged me to get her to sleep and promised that he would take care of her if she woke up later. It's now 11:04pm she's running around the house with my hand cream and there are very deep and serious snores coming from the bedroom.

Would the LOML leave me hanging like that?

He did vacuum without being asked so....

Meagan said...

I think it's so much more romantic to choose to love someone than to resign oneself to the notion that this person you're sharing everything with was chosen for you by God, the universe, whatever.

It's so much more fulfilling to me, at least, to know that this is the person I've chosen to live with, fight with, and love.

So is this man singing our child to sleep the "love of my life"? Meh. But he's the one I want hanging around with me when I'm a million. And I think he might not mind that either.

mean stepmom said...

I'm quite sure the "Love of my life" does not have super intellect and mind-reading powers, but yeah, husbands can be jerks sometimes. Although, I don't know many men who would vacuum at 9pm, so I think you're pretty damn lucky.

Anonymous said...

I feel very sorry for your husband.

J said...

Hey Anonymous? You're a bitchface cockslap. Go fuck yourself.

J said...

So here's my take on the whole thing. I met my husband when I was 19 and he was 20, and yeah, I think he is the love of my life.
BUT, I agree with your opinion on it. I think that should something happen and I would end up single again, there is probably love out there for me. (I don't want to try and find it, though.)

So, I see both sides!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, the perfect children competition,perfect mommy competition, now the perfect marriage competition, yuck. I hate it. It's all designed to build themselves up at the expense of the rest of us who are a lot more scruffy and honest. Life is layered and complicated. There's always more involved than you can see on the surface.

That said, anyone who would say their mate was the love of their life and then curse you... proooobably has a little aaaanger issue, some conflict there between their feelings and the lies they tell themself and the world... it's hard to think someone with that much relationship JOY would be that hostile over a simple comment.

And as usual, they can kiss your ass. love, V

Suzy said...

I loved maybe 4 or 5 men before I met the love of my life. How do you know? Because I compared him to the other loves and not even CLOSE. I know this sounds weird but you just know. I never felt that way about the others even tho I loved them.

The other way u know? I never got over him and that was 8 yrs ago.

BandK said...

Mmmmkay. Here's my take on it, whatever it's worth. The key words are: "he vacuumed and was really cheerful about it."

If Jason did NOT consider you the love of his life, he would have gone to the fridge, popped a beer, sat on the couch, and said, "Git yer lazy ass of the couch, and vacuum, woman!" At which point you would have put your shoe so far up his ass the toe would be coming out his mouth, and then the cops would come, and you'd be shrieking and.....

oh wait.

That's the white trash version.

Anyway.

Him asking if you were going to vacuum after doing all the cooking, laundry, and math homework helping is just a man-thing. That even happens to the person who met their husband Willis when they were 14 and have been married for 11 years. Even ol' Willis does stuff like that. For reals.

It sounds like Jason's the love of your life. And vice versa. Because you don't vacuum cheerfully for just anyone.

I'm just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

The more you say it the more of a jealous person you revel yourself too be! You ARE JEALOUS of those of us who met our soulmates in high school! You wouldn't mention it so much if you weren't!!

I really like you Stephanie but it's getting rediculous.

Kimberly said...

I'm thinking, based on the spelling, that the person above didn't complete high school. Good grief.

I know what you mean. Sometimes when my sweetie is being not so sweet, I get to wondering, and think...really? I'm supposed to swoon over this guy?

And then he does something amazing, or I watch him being such a fabulous dad, or we have this great round of the giggles over something funny one of us said, and I forget all the doubt and am content.

But doubt creeps in and I have crazy evil thoughts like if he dies young from a heart attack will I remarry and love my second husband more (as both my Grandma's have, strangely enough).

Mostly though, I think the love of my life is the person or people I love making a life with. I don't think it's really any grand, dramatic, doves flying, harp music playing sort of thing, you know?

Victoria Dehlbom said...

I don't think that makes you weird or a freak of any kind. Let's face it, there are something like 600,000 people in the world of whom we would be completely compatible with in marriage. Of those 600K we will likely ever meet 100 of them. Of the 100 of them most of us will only marry one of them, unless for some reason the first does not turn out to be the betst marriage partner for us. Plus there are some people who could be the loves of out lives, but we simply could not live with them, because...I don't know...maybe they don't like chocolate and hate it that make up songs about anything and everything. I believe people can have more than one love in their life and it is okay.

Miss Burb said...

Thank you for being honest. I'm 23 and sometimes wonder about my boyfriend of 4+ years.

I thought to myself while reading your blog, "My baby is the love of my life."

and then I read your last paragraph and knew WE were soulmates. haha.

Lara said...

I totally hear you! I love my husband with all my heart, I think he's fabulous and amazing and I don't want to be without him - but "love of my life" "soulmate" I don't know... I can't say that without a question mark.
I think some people need to think and feel that though to justify marrying someone. I just know I'm happier with my husband than I am with anyone else I've ever been with and I love my life with him. That's pretty good if you ask me :)

Jocelyn said...

And your kids and dog and Fiber One bars never once vacuumed the house. I've often thought the criteria for "love of my life," when applied to a romantic partner, are wrong. Does your husband "see" you better than others in the world do? Does he appreciate your unique qualities better than most others in the world do? Then he's doing the love of the life stuff pretty damn well.

CPA Mom said...

dude. the anon comments are getting on my nerves. just delete them!

I was widowed. I am remarried. I loved my late husband. I love my current (and last!) husband. There is no "love of your life," nor just one person made for you. That is a crock. We are capable of love for more than one person, for spouses, children, friends, etc.

SJ said...

Oh Chick, I wonder this very same thing.


Often.

Probably too often.

Rachel said...

I am totally jealous of someone that cannot spell reveal. Totally.

That being said, I totally see where you're coming from. You never know if someone is the love of your life. We don't get to decide our fate. I think the person that is the love of your life may not necessarily be the one you spend your life with.

PaintedPromise said...

wow. my thoughts have been provoked!

i don't know if my husband is the love of my life. one thing i can say is that he will be the last. before i met him i went through 20 years of trying to find a good man and failing miserably... i am happy with this one despite his imperfections but like i tell my friends now, even a good man is too much trouble ;) so once he is gone that is IT for me. no way will i risk another 20 years of bad men to find another good one...

nope. no way.

of course, i said that before i met HIM. somebody slap me now...

Anonymous said...

Before i finished reading through this i was thinking to myself...this lady is crazy to be married to a man that she doent love. Then i thought wait a minute does he know this? and then i read on and saw that you do love him you arnt sure that he is the love of your life. Well i can tell you that i am 18 years old and i got married before i even graduated high school. Now before you say that im one of those people who call you names or disagree with you or whatever... this blog i guess i would call it has made me come out and realize my true feelings. I thought getting married at 18 was the right thing because i have been treated really bad by some of my ex boyfriends, and i had finnaly found somone who had treated me with respect. He is the nicest guy in the world and wants me to have everything i have ever wanted. But latly there are three different guys that i work with who have both asked me out and flirted with me before they found out that i was married. and i would not norrmally be the first to admit it but i flirtted back. and there is this one particular guy that i have wondered what it would be like to be with him instead. He is nice handsome (just like jason, which by the way is also the name of my husband) and funny. But my parents got divorced and i dont think i would ever be able to leave jason because he is not only my husband but he is my best friend. so i have been having these thoughts latley and i feel like a bad person and a bad wife. But he is the first person i have slept with...is it bad that i want to get more experience.....just wondering...