I have a really, really bad habit of fidgeting.
All. The. Time.
I absolutely cannot sit still, ever, which makes it really difficult for me to tell my son, "Boy Child, you really can't be doing jumping jacks all over your freaking fifth grade classroom. It totally bums the teacher out". Because dude. For real. The minute I get to work, the shoes come off, I'm sitting on one leg, and playing tap dance rhythms with my left hand while I hum show tunes.
As a complete aside? I'm pretty sure my officemates HATE ME AND WANT ME DEAD.
Anyway. I'm also fat as Holy Hell, still. All this walking and obsessive Points counting and stuff is helping, but sadly I have not magically lost 100 pounds immediately. Which is a real bummer and makes me want to eat cake which would TOTALLY DEFEAT THE PURPOSE by the way. So I'm left feeling all conflicted and alone and cranky. And hungry.
So I'm sitting at my desk at home working on...I have no idea, something. And I'm gleefully bouncing my leg in time, presumably, to the music that only I can hear.
Jason is sitting on the couch. Which is maybe five feet away from the desk at which I am sitting.
And he says, and I swear I'm not kidding:
"What is that...is an airplane buzzing our house?"
Oh. My. GOD.
I whipped around in my chair and said, "What? THIS?" Indicating my bouncing leg.
"Oh was that it?" he said, TOTALLY UNAWARE OF HOW EXTREMELY INSULTING HE WAS.
So, being the extremely reasonable and morally and socially responsible individual I am who was TOTALLY NOT HYPED UP on Nyquil at that exact moment, no matter what he says, I said:
"SO NOW I AM SO OBESE YOU CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE IN ME AND A PLANE FLYING OVER OUR HOUSE?"
Well. To say he looked a bit surprised would be a pretty big understatement.
"OH! MY! GOD!" I shrieked and he looked a bit frightened and confused. "I have become SO MASSIVE that I SHAKE THE ENTIRE HOUSE WHEN I WALK?!?!?"
"Babe, that was not what I was-"
"SO MASSIVE AM I! OBESE!"
"You aren't obese Stephanie, I was just-"
"OBEEEEEESE! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOBESEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! OH TO THE BESE!"
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH MY GOD!" he shrieked. "Knock it off woman!"
That made me laugh. So I stopped shrieking.
But really, now. Shake the whole house?
Jesus. He SO needs a tune-up.