Monday, December 15, 2008

Cause I ain't been nothin' but bad.

I'm not getting anything for Christmas this year.

Not just because every single year my husband waits until the last minute either(Yesterday he says, "Hey babe? What day is Christmas again?" Yeah). I did ask Jason to see if he could find a Wii Fit for me and for some reason they are just so hard to find this year, and well, I joined a gym anyway so it doesn't even seem to matter.

There is just nothing I want.

It's so strange. It's a mix of utter contentment with my life and absolute repulsion at the amount of stuff I have already accumulated.

I'm tired of everything in my house. Except the husband, the kids, and the dog. Everything else? I wish I could just kind of start over with a clean slate.

I get this way almost every December. I start looking forward to January and having a fresh start. I'm not big on resolutions really, but I like to think about goals. I like to think about where I'm going to be.

And to be honest? This year? Had a really extreme mixture of good and bad.

My only goal for this year was to be published somewhere with something. Somehow I managed to achieve that goal, I'm happy to say and next year? It's going to be even better. I've started on my next book. The city book is coming along. Things are happening.

I like when things happen.

I don't like clutter though. Not in my house, on my desk, or in my life. This past year I've done really well at eliminating clutter in my personal life. I've cut off some "friendships" that needed cutting off. I've stopped feeling guilty about not giving my time to people who don't appreciate it. I've even managed to carve a little time out, nearly every week, that's just for me. By myself. No guilt and no regret.

I've started getting the clutter out of my life too. I've seen my children's baby toys walk out the door in bags. Clothes that no longer fit are given away to someone who can put them to use or sold on eBay for a little bit of money. Moving out with the old and never looking back.

I can do better. But I'm getting there.

Mostly, I suppose it's about the incredible amount of peace in my life right now. I'm so content with my family, our church, the work we are all doing. I'm changing my life and while it's scary and hard and sometimes extremely sucky, it's also motivating. I feel really good and really strong these days. I feel like I'm making a difference in my husband's life and my children's lives, but also my own life. Which has always, up until now, taken a backseat to everyone else's lives.

It's pretty cool.

So I guess there is nothing I really want for Christmas.

Except for morons to stop speeding through the drop-off lane at the Elementary school before they kill somebody. That would be cool.

13 comments:

Angie said...

This is why I come here every day. . .well, that, and the fact that you BLOG every day.

Great post, my friend.

Betsey Booms said...

Love this!

Let me know how that speeding moron thing goes. ;)

kristi said...

Hubs got me a filing cabinet....and the thing is it made me very happy!! Now I can get rid of some clutter!!

giants fan said...

I know how you feel!

Lily's Mommy said...

Don't tell anyone, but I've fantasized about my house going up in flames just to get rid of all the crap I have in my house.

I'm sure there's a less dramatic way to get rid of clutter.

Congratulations on all the positive changes you've made in your life. :)

Kimberly said...

I could've written this.

Except that my rice cooker fizzed out and I asked for a new one.

I always start rearranging furniture this time of year...

Rebecca said...

I am ALL about getting rid of the clutter. I LOVE giving stuff away.
Good Will, Freecycle, Salvation Army...But you know, sometimes people just want to give you stuff.
Like they would feel guilty if they didn't give you a Christmas present. In that case, I like to get things that you don't necessarily keep. Like a gift certificate for a massage, or a manicure. Maybe a nice bottle of wine, or some chocolates that I would never splurge on for myself. Also, I like to ask people for donations to a couple of my favorite charities (The Humane Society) if they insist on wanting to know what I want for Christmas.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

Now that I've got kids, I'm so involved in trying to figure out what they would want and what they would enjoy, that by the time I try to think about myself and what I would want, all I can think is...

Liquor
Chocolate
Sleep

And not necessarily in that order.

I end up telling people to stay away from practicality. My whole life is filled with being practical that gifts shouldn't be. :)

SJ said...

I could have written this! I do not like clutter! And I always reflect on the year in December with hopes to start fresh in January. I've still got a lot of work to do, but I'm trying!

Mikey said...

Wow. Had to comment. We are totally in the same place. I read this and said "yep. and yep. uh huh"
All is good, I'm where I want to be. Like you, I've cleaned out the clutter this year (by the friggin truckloads, literally) and yet, I can do better. There's more to work on, always. But I'm where I want to be. And I don't need or want for anything.

Except that Dirt Devil Vacuum Broom at Walmart. I was pretty to clear to "Santa" when I said "I want that. You want to get me something? Get me that. In yellow"

But mostly, I'm just happy to be in a good place and I'm glad you are too. I'm SO HAPPY for you being published and so excited for you. You made it!!!

Great post, as always.

Keetha said...

You sound great! I know just what you mean about getting rid of the clutter, and the peace and contentment that comes with being on the right path.

velocibadgergirl said...

smooches!!

squishytushy said...

I thought there was nothing I really wanted then year.

Then I took a visit to tiffanys.com - turns out there's alot I want.