It's official. I'm an ass.
I got three hours of sleep last night. Not because I was dreaming that someone was trying to kill me. That was the night before last. Not because I was dreaming that I was having an art show for my book (the hell?) and my mother was there and insisted that I take my book down so my brother's art could be displayed instead. That was last week.
I couldn't sleep last night because:
1) My husband was snoring. And not just light snoring. The whole mouth open SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK snoring.
2) At one point my husband decided that my HEAD was his pillow. Not my pillow. MY ACTUAL HEAD.
3) My husband? The one that I love and all that? Rolls his entire body, burrito-style, into the covers and yanks every single bit of said covers off of me.
4) Same husband also periodically shrieks things. Like, "HI!" and "How are you today!" and "Welcome to Sunbelt Loans, may I help you?".
When he said the Sunbelt loans thing? I rolled over, got in his face and said, "IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP I'M GOING TO WELCOME YOU TO MY FIST".
And he smiled and snuggled down into the covers.
5)The husband? Gas problem last night.
So this morning? I was in no mood for, well, anything and he very sweetly said "Good morning" to me and I darn near took his head off.
And he had no idea why.
I finally had to say, "You know, I'm not mad at you. I'm mad because I'M TIRED".
But it's really not his fault, right? What you do in your sleep is involuntary and I really should not be so mean to him. As I was leaving this morning he said, "I love you" and he sounded so forlorn and sad.
But tonight? If he starts the snoring again? He and his beard brush are going on the couch. For reals. There is only so much a girl can take.