Friday, March 27, 2009

Everybody poops.

People think I'm not human, I guess.

I don't sleep like a normal person, that's for sure. I work more hours in the day than I probably should and I always say yes to another project, even when I should say no. And usually? I shouldn't just say no, I should say, "OH HELL NO!"

But I try to keep that in.

Thus, the people at my work are constantly interrupting me while I'm on my way to the bathroom.

I drink about 80 ounces of water every day between the hours of 6am and 4:30pm. That is a lot of water. Therefore, I often am plowing my way down the hall in an effort to get to the lone, solitary women's room in my fifty year old building, which was built long before there were women working in such positions as I do now.

It doesn't matter. They call for me as I walk by their office doors, "STEPHANIE!"

If I keep going because I just can't wait and also I don't appreciate when people call me like I'm a dog? When I eventually come out of the bathroom? They are STANDING IN FRONT OF THE BATHROOM DOOR. Holding their paperwork out, expectantly. Waiting for me to fix everything. Like I always fix everything.

Now, seriously? That grosses me out. And I am RABID about handwashing.

So, I'm human. Okay? I may not cry everytime I'm hurt and I may act like everything is okay when I'm destroyed inside and I may be the only, only person who hasn't yelled at one particular co-worker even though HE TOTALLY DESERVES IT EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF EVERY SINGLE DAY, but I'm human.



If they start coming into the bathroom after me? I'm jumping out the window.

11 comments:

carolyn said...

I think that if people are following you to the bathroom then they should get swirlies. I bet it would only take one.....

Patience said...

Carry your cell phone with you to the john. Have it up to your ear and pretend to be talking as you leave. If someone tries to talk to you, hold up your hand as if to say, "I'll be right with you!"

It's amazing the power a telephone can have!

Lynnbug said...

I used to have co-workers and bosses that would actually try to talk to me through the door of the bathroom. I mean--WTF?!?!?

Ginee Scabrough said...

I though that I was the only one who had a boss who talked to me through the door. He was every where. He would track me down because his time was too valuable to fax his own stuff, but looking for me was an appropriate use of company resources.

mythoughtsonthat said...

You made me laugh today- thanks!

Stephanie said...

LOL. You go girl!

Kimberly said...

Your coworkers are so, so weird.

Priscilla said...

How 'bout saying I just peed on my hand and we're out of soap. You still want me to touch your paper?

I don't know. People just don't think. And I have to admit that I follow my boss to the bathroom and talk through the door. He doesn't seem to mind as he's usually on the phone in there.

Jocelyn said...

If you know you're being followed and that there's a "waiter" outside the door, you should crack it open, lean out, and (with direct eye contact) ask, "Hey, do you happen to have a tampon on you?"

SJ said...

Gah! HOW RUDE!!!

People really don't get it, do they!?

PaintedPromise said...

i suddenly find myself very thankful that our restroom is down the hall and not IN our office...