Saturday, May 09, 2009


Because, clearly, I don't have enough to do every day of my life as evidenced by the two hours of sleep I get every night, I have become obsessed with yet another television program.

Ladies and gentlemen? Say Yes to the Dress.

Oh Kleinfeld and all your employees. How I adore you and your barely concealed annoyance at whiny brides trying on gowns that cost more than my car.

(Not all the brides are whiny. Most are very pleasant)

I never got to go to a bridal store and try on gowns. I went to one store and the salesbitch was so extraordinarily rude to me that I was immediately convinced to purchase my gown on the internet (and even if she wasn't a complete cockslap, they had like three plus-sized dresses. One was about three sizes two small and the other two would encompass me, Jason, and both the children).

I never got to have that experience. Which is fine...someday I'll have it with Girl Child, if she decides she wants to get married. Currently, at age eleven, she's unsure. She might just want to have a career and adopt babies. Which would be cool also. In that case? I'll just force myself upon the Boy Child's bride to be, thus reserving my rightful place as Mother In Law From Hell Overlord.

No, not really.

But it would be fun to go to a bridal salon and try on dresses. Or watch someone prettier than me try on dresses.



Oh no, oh no, oh no!

Please do not go into the Evil Bridal World! Please do no think about wasting money on trains and veils and beadwork, especially for the child.

Put that money into gold, silver, bonds - anything but tulle and pearls.

Rebecca said...

I LOVE that show, too. I can't imagine spending that much on a dress though.

Nicole said...

My husband is a wedding photographer. The thought of planning a wedding for either one of my two girls and his picky a$$ gives me nightmares. I will gladly pay for them to elope to Vegas and be married my Elvis!!

Jocelyn said...

Just go try on Prom dresses and let that fulfill the need. Tell the clerks you're a big-time Cougar, preying on seniors in high school.