I'm a big fan of commercials and the witty and catchy sayings they bring to me. I'm still looking for the Beef, twenty years later. I wanted that Taco Bell dog to take home and feed burritos to. I'm fairly certain that my children's first words were, "Ba-da-ba-pa-pa! I'm lovin' it!" and we don't even eat McDonalds food. I'm not sure about the last one. I'd have to look it up. My point is, I appreciate a good jingle.
I do not appreciate the one for sanitary napkins that wishes me a "Happy Period".
Note to the gentlemen who read my blog. I'll be talking about girlie bits now. Specifically, my girlie bits. If such things gross you out and whatnot, there are many nice websites who would love to have you. I think Hulk Hogan has a website now. Check with Vh1. I'd love to have you back after this!
Anyway. Back to me and my vagina.
I've been having my period since December 24th. DECEMBER TWENTY-FOURTH PEOPLE. Admittedly, I'm not good at doing math in my head and all, but that seems like about nineteen days.
I am bloated, irritable, my iron is low, and I want to cut everyone I see with a sharp knife, repeatedly. What part of this is happy again? Please remind me.
The part about my back hurting?
The part about me wanting to eat everything I see?
The part about wanting to come home, lay down on the couch, and sleep until next Tuesday?
Shockingly, none of that seems like anything happy or fun to me.
I've been irritated with the sanitary napkin industry for quite a few years anyway, ever since they came out with "Plus size" pads a few years ago. I would really like someone to explain to me why just because I'm a "plus size" that my cootcher is as well. Because, logistically? That just doesn't make sense. My really skinny ex-sister in law squeezed a huge kid through her vajayjay without any epidural. Maybe SHE needs plus sized pads. But me, over here with the c-section? Um, no. I mean, I accept that I have to shop in Lane Bryant instead of The Express, but let's not rob me of my dignity in the "Personal Care" aisle of the Kroger, okay?
So, Always or whoever? IT'S NOT A HAPPY PERIOD. PLEASE TAKE THAT STUPID COMMERCIAL OFF THE AIR BEFORE A BUNCH OF WOMEN WITH RAGING HORMONES COME AND DO PHYSICAL HARM TO YOU.