Monday, February 12, 2007

The 100th post extravaganza!!!

Okay, not really.

But, hey 100 posts since November! Pretty cool, eh?

I suppose I should use this post to reflect. Since deciding to make a blog, I've gotten to practice my writing. I've written nearly every day, and I've been able to write about what *I* want to write about, even if it's just something stupid like an MTV program. I've been able to use humor and people have actually understood it and sometimes even liked it. Heck, I even got a really cool award thanks to Mrs. CPA, which made me ridiculously happy.

Most of all, though, I've "met" so many people who are funny, kind, bright, entertaining, and just plain wonderful.

It's not an easy thing, to write honestly. There have been times when I have written an enormous post and deleted it. Because it felt good to write it, and to get it out, but it wouldn't feel good to have it out there forever. As hard as it is to believe, I still do have some secrets that I keep, because it just hurts to much to let them go.

It gets easier, though. With every post, it is easier.

I took a class my last semester of college (last fall) and in the class we had to do a lot of writing. A LOT of writing. As usual, the first assignment of the course was to write about yourself and your life; your hopes, dreams, whatever.

This was an online class. I would never meet or know any of these people.

I decided I could take it one of two ways. I could do the basics:

"Hi everyone! My name is That Chick Over there! I'm graduating in December! I'm majoring in Teaching and Learning/ Environmental Health! I'm thirty and I have twins! I'm married! I want to be a scientist when I grow up!"

All of that is true, of course. But it doesn't reflect me. Not at all.

So instead, in that one class for that one semester, I told the real truth. I grew up poor and I feel inadequate most every day of my life. I worry constantly about my children and the crappy world they are growing up in. I've experienced racism first hand. I was the victim of a violent assault when I was fifteen and I've never gotten over it. I use humor to mask a lot of pain sometimes. I live far away from my parents and I don't think they really miss me all that much. That I want to feel closer to my siblings. That I'm often really just a scared little girl who tries to act like she knows what she is doing.

The most amazing thing happened, in that one class, for that one semester.

Everyone else told the truth too.

People said:

I was abused as a child.
My parents are alcoholics.
I used to be a drug addict.
I was poor.
I'm poor now.
I want it to be better.

And it was okay. It really was okay. No one was afraid to say the truth. There was no judging. It turned out to be the best class I had ever had in my life. I was expecting nothing from it, and I gained a huge amount of insight.

So I guess that's what I hope for my blog.

18 comments:

Kellie said...

You ROCK!! Tired of me saying that in every. damn. comment?

frannie said...

great post!!!

too many family members read my blog for me to tell the truth--- I am so envious of your honesty!

Bethany said...

I want to be you when I grow up!

velocibadgergirl said...

Congratulations on 100 posts!

Susan in va said...

OH MY GOODNESS! I am always amazed at how SO MANY PEOPLE have had to overcome so much in their lives!

I am the child of a mother who had a lot to overcome and was determined to give me a stable, healthy life. Now she's my best friend and I can't imagine life without her. This is the mother I believe YOU are going to be.

And I LOVE what Bethany said :) Isn't she a little sweetie?

Oh, yeah! I almost forgot. Congratulations on your 100th post!!

Emma in Canada said...

Holy crap! Can you please remind me not to go a weekend without reading you again? I missed so much. The post about 12 yar old you? It was very moving and I totally worry about my daughter who will be 12 in a month. I'm afraid Ion't have helped much, a post or 12 in itself!

Anyway, congrats on 100. Looking forward to hundreds more!

Sleeping Mommy said...

That's been one of the main reasons I've chosen to be so honest in my blog. Its especially rewarding when you get it back from your readers.

By the way, I clicked a link to your blog because of the title. That's a phrase that I'm often uttering/shouting around here. My oldest's (5.5 yrs) name is Jason. And really, for the love of God!

dennis said...

I look forward to reading your blog!!

Amy W said...

Yes, you totally rock. I love that you update a ton and I get to read all your posts, funny serious or whatever.

Happy Working Mom said...

I love the fact that we can be open and honest when we write! I really enjoy reading your writing and I'm glad you started :)

Rachel said...

I love your blog and I hope that it can be a healthy outlet for you. Your secrets are your secrets, but sometimes, it's helpful to talk about them.

Southern Girl said...

Congratulations on reaching your 100th post! :)

Ashley said...

Wow - I know I tell you this on a pretty regular basis, but You my friend are Awesome!

Ellie said...

This is exactly the reason why I have been enjoying your blog so much. You are honest about your day to day life. Not this fancy fluff about what is going on in the news or some big political bru-haha...you just write from your heart. I was molested for many years by two of my uncles and it had taken me to the edge of suicide and now I am free from all the pain, worked through the crap that went on in my life once upon a time. I feel at times I can almost guess who has likely been abused or hurt in some way by the passionate way they write. I don't attempt to guess what "it" may have been that happened to a blogger, but I can just sort of feel it. I could have definitely guessed you had a hard life at one point. The cool thing is, you have a really good relationship with your husband and you have your children too, and your family seems so well adjusted and "normal" when I am reading about them.

I am one of your fans/cheerleaders...keep on writing as you have been, it is great stuff.

Elle*Bee said...

Happy 100th! Here's hoping for 1000+ more.

Britmum said...

I understand what you are saying. I feel the same way. Its hard to let the hurt out.

Congrats on your 100th post.

Take care

CPA Mom said...

You are a white woman in the South and you've experienced racism? This you must post about. The violent assault? Not so much. Even I know some things are private. I do congratulate you on overcoming all that life has thrown at you. Not only over coming but ACHIEVING BEYOND the bad. You are a hero to your children, a hero to your husband, a hero to me. Congrats on 100 posts! Keep 'em coming!

SJ said...

Well I'm here to say that I love your blog! And it's no shock that you are already at post 100, because oh my, you post a lot! But don't get me wrong, I love to read it all and laugh and cry and giggle and.....you are just awesome. I'm glad that this is a good outlet for you - keep it up!

Oh, and I love the new look!