Let's get physical!

I have VH1 Classics on my cable now and I totally watched Pop-up Video the other day and it was the one with Sandy from Grease singing "Let's get Physical". And those guys were kind of fugly. But anyway. The song is stuck in my head.

I'm debating on when I should make my grand re-entrance to the gym.

On the one hand, the gym is good. I can go there and they have more equipment than I do at home. For example, they have a pool whereas I have a standard size bathtub and I just can't swim in that. Also, I'm paying for the gym and it makes me very twitchy to pay for something and not use it.

On the other hand, the gym sucks. Hard.

I joined a gym in 2005. It was close to my house, a mere few minutes away. It was a women's only gym.The "trainers" were more like normal people. My trainer was ever so slightly chubby, which made me happy in a kind of perverse way. They would weigh and measure me on a scheduled basis and then ring a big happy bell if I lost weight. Everyone would stop what they were doing and cheer for me really loudly. While I was working out, all the employees would walk around and say hello to me and ask how I was, ask how the kids are, and so on. We became "friends", in a way.

One day in early 2006, I went to the gym to find the door locked. There was a large sign on the door that said the gym was closed and we could all go to one of the two other locations.

Neither of the other locations were close to my house. And since about 200 or so members got shuffled they became really, really crowded.

But I made due. I had a class two days a week on that side of town so I would go to the gym before and after class. I got to know the people there and the regulars. It became good again. I could work it in.

Then? You guessed it. They closed both of those locations too.

So, I got a letter saying, "Guess what! Cause we suck and all, we've decided to automatically make you a member of this OTHER gym! It's a big gym! It has a pool! You'll totally love it!"

Great right?

Except, yeah. Not so much.

It's not close to my house. It's not FAR from my house, so to speak, but it's not close. Plus, it's on a really busy highway. I already drive with a healthy fear for my life and that location just scares the bejesus out of me.

Moreover, there are men there.

Okay, I love men. I live with one man and one boy who will become a man and they rock. My office mate is a man and he rocks. I have no problem with men in general, whatsoever.

Except? When they get really stinky and sweaty and sit on the exercise bike with their arms raised in the air like they are freaking Rocky Balboa and everyone in the treadmills behind them has to SMELL THEM. (And really...why? WHY do you do that? Why? What purpose does it serve to force everyone to smell your stinky pits?)

Except also? When men get really territorial about "their" machine? To wit, once at 5:30am I was going to get on the treadmill and this man, who was probably less than thirty years old, YELLED AT ME and told me "DIDN'T I KNOW ANYTHING!?!!? THAT IS HIS TREADMILL!"

Oddly, his name wasn't on it. Even more oddly? There were 8 other free treadmills.

But whatever. I gave him a particularly withering look and got on another one. Five thirty in the morning is early. I can't fight anyone then.

Also? This one time I tried to hold the door open for an old man and he snapped at me. Because I was trying to be nice and his hands were full. The door would have literally hit him in the face, and maybe that wouldn't have been a bad thing. Perhaps it would have knocked some sense into him.

There are no trainers there ringing bells for me. I've never even seen any bells.

I know I shouldn't be such a freaking child and care about things like that, but it matters. Losing weight is hard. Getting up early to exercise is hard. Exercising at any time on any kind of regular schedule is hard.

It should be celebrated.

Unless your pits stink and you think you are Rocky. In that case, celebrate at home.