Monday, March 26, 2007


I don't understand women.

Okay, I know I am one. But still. I lack understanding.

When I was a little girl I used to complain that my two cousins, Jenny and Missy, did not want to play with me. Now, I am an adult and I realize they didn't necessarily mind playing with me, but I didn't want to play what they wanted to play. Which was always either: house, mothers, or wives. They'd say, "Okay, I'm Mrs. Earl Deal and you are Mrs. Wayne Counts. And Chick? Who is your boyfriend?" and I'd be all like, "I'm NINE. I don't like boys! I want to play Spiderman!"

So they didn't want to play with me.

While this probably sounds like just a personal issue or possibly the beginning of the sequel to "Mean Girls", it really is just further proof that I don't understand anything about girls, being a girl, and what being a girl entails. They weren't really mean to me, not really. But I didn't understand them then, and quite frankly, I don't understand them now.

Not that I'm a tomboy, or ever was. I have a pink iPod, a red cell phone, and an It bag. I don't mind getting dirt under my fingernails, but those fingernails are going to be well-groomed. I tend to squeal when I see things that excite me, and yes, I cry when I get angry, upset, or frustrated. So I'm pretty much a girl. I mean, I can totally throw down if the situation warrants it. But it so rarely does. And it messes up my hair, so I try to avoid that.

I always had a ton of friends who were boys when I was growing up. Not until the past three or four years have I had a lot of girlfriends, and lately? I'm figuring out why.

Because a lot of girls? Are mean.

I have a good friend at work, who is a boy, who told me about when he was in high school and played on the football team. His coach would periodically scream out, "BLOOD!" and they would all stop what they were doing and just beat the ever-loving crap out of each other.

I totally think girls should do that. Seriously.

Because when you think about it? You get all your aggressions out and then you can be okay with one another again.

The way things have been working for me lately? Well, pretty much it's as follows:

Let's be jealous.
Because of our jealousy, let's say rude things behind one another's backs.
Let's be really sweet to each other's faces.
Let's talk smack to everyone about each other and then pretend we didn't do it.

So yeah. It both sucks and blows.

The bad part? The jealousy is over completely stupid, meaningless things. The worst part? Not just confronting the issue.

Why do girls do this? Seriously? Why? Because, I guarantee you that if my husband has an issue with me, he'll come to me and say, "Chick, here is my issue and here is how I think this should be resolved." Why is it so hard for me to say to my friend, "Hey friend? I've heard you've been talking complete and total smack about me behind my back. In the future, if you have something to say regarding my work, my parenting skills, or my fat ass, how about you bring it up to my face instead of with everyone that I've ever met, ever?" Is that to much to ask?

I got really angry recently when I saw on one of those stupid "entertainment" type programs, a "news" story about Hilary Clinton's butt looking big in her pantsuit. Does Barack Obama have to worry about someone reporting that his butt looks big in his Dockers? Does Fred Thompson? Um, no. And you know? Honestly? I sincerely doubt that any man on this planet thought that was a news story. I would be willing to bet a lot of green money that that important news was brought to us by none other than a woman who was jealous and decided to be a Snarky McSnarkypants.

I recently got a raise, and I mentioned it to some of my close friends. Later, I heard them talking about it (they didn't know I was within hearing range) and they were totally dissing me, when they had acted happy to my face. They were all like, "SHE doesn't deserve that raise! She JUST graduated! I've been out of school for ten years. I DESERVE that raise!"

And you know? Maybe they do deserve a raise. Hell, they probably do. Women accept so much less pay for the same work as men do. Women should really ban together and do something about that. Except, oh wait! That's right! They are to busy being mean and catty and jealous of one another that they can't.

That's it. Seriously. I'm calling Blood. If you got issues with me sister, bring it to the table. This jealousy and snarktasticness has got to end.


rookiemom said...

This is why I have more guy friends too. Guys are so much more honest and tend not to make a huge deal out of nothing the way girls do. Plus girls do that annoying thing where they pretend to be your friend and then run off with your husband...grr. Rarely do guys posess this brand of deviancy. I agree with the call for blood. Chics need to learn to beat the crap out of each other and get over it, the way guys do. Most guys, if you ask them, will say they have been in a fight with one or more of their friends. And most of the time, they are still friends afterwards. i think chics could take a lesson from this.

Kimberly said...

I just have to say "amen" to all of that.

I spent a miserable weekend with my cousin and his wife. She spent the whole time snarking about a mutual friend of ours who she babysits for. Constantly criticizing her parenting techniques, quoting her (very obviously out of context, etc...). I so want to call up that friend and tell her what the woman taking care of her child thinks of her, but do I have the right?

Bleh! And then I start thinking, what's this gal telling people about me?

Girls suck.

Susan in va said...

I wonder how a MAN would react to overhearing what you said? I'd bet he'd go find a better paying job and rub his boss' nose in it! They're taking issue with YOU when YOU'VE done nothing wrong!

Women drive me absolutely insane sometimes (especially the ones in the public restrooms).

I really appreciate your comment over at my place - I'd love to hear some of your stories!

And Kimberley's comment....well, it made me LOL!!!

SJ said...

AMEN SISTA!! And a big fat high-five to all that as well. I'm with you 100%....

These are the exact same reasons why I've always had more 'guy' friends then 'girl' friends. And well the girl friends that I have...are true friends.

Just lay it out on the table and everything will be just fine.

Angie said...

This is why I have very few female friends.

Don't let it get you down. Take it to the matresses -if you have ever seen the godfather. lol

CPA Mom said...

And that my friend, is probably why I work best with men. And my bestest woman friends, live on the internet.

I absolutely love your word usage. "Snarktasticness" is AWESOME - needs to be added to the urban dictionary, STAT.

Bethany said...

It's funny that you are talking about this. I've been thinking about it alot lately- how women treat each other like crap. Cagey over at Rancid Raves is doing a book club in April. The book we voted for is "Tripping the Prom Queen" by Susan Shapiro Barash. It is all about this issue! Check it out.

velocibadgergirl said...

My God, that is SUCH bullshit.

When I worked at Michaels, I was nice to everyone. Then, right before I quit, I found out that two of the main people that I went out of my way to be helpful to were talking all kinds of trash behind my back. Why the hell were they jealous of me or shitty towards me? I worked for six fucking fifty at a freaking craft store. I had NO seniority. NO chance at a full time position. Nothing but my hard work. Feh.

I won't say I'm above gossiping, but there's gossip and there's pure, unadulterated meanness. And one of 'em sucks.

Sheesh. Now I'm all riled up and mama-bear over people picking on you. Want me to drive down to TN and kick some asses?

Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

Awesome. I learned a new word today.




my4kids said...

I agree with everyone else on the word "snarktasticness" thats awesome! lol
Anyway I am the same way. Always get along better with the boys and most of my friends were boys growing up. I played softball with the boys and dressed more like a tomboy, usually up a tree somewhere as well..
Girls drive me nuts I can't handle the gossip besides if someone is talking gossip to me it makes me wonder what they are saying behind MY back..Anyway i agree on calling for blood boys can be friends even after a big fight. Girls they just stew forever on something and end up not friends any more.

frannie said...

Amen, Sister McPreachyPants!

Anonymous said...

I did some thinking and I think I came up with five, so you can come check it out anytime you wish, I think. :)

Emma in Canada said...

Ah so true. Sadly I am horrid person. I love some good gossip. Such a girl!

Gerbil said...

CAN I GET AN AMEN?????!!??

No kidding. You'd think women would be better at networking and building each other up (and true, many are), but it seems that SO MANY TIMES women seem to cannibalize their relationships with other women. WTF???

I don't get it.

barbex said...

Oh yes! I'm so with you, don't understand the bitchiness, the talking behind the back. Face me, say what you want to say and let's just get it out of the way!

Women could be so much more but they are busy with throwing rocks in each others way. Stupid.

Amy W said...

First of all, dumb question - what's an It bag? I know, probably pathetic I don't know...

Yes, woman can be mean. Hence why I only get along with a few that live on my street. I can't stand the cattiness and all that.

Heather @ Desperately Seeking Sanity said...

I find more and more women to feel this way... I don't mesh with groups of girls...

And it's really just been within the past year or so that I've made female friends, but they are the gals that hate groups of women too... :)

Melissa said...

You just said everything that I have thought, much more eloquently than I ever could have though. Growing up I always had way more guy friends because I liked the fact that I always knew where I stood and if I pissed them off we voiced the problem and moved on. Girls like to hold onto things and then use them as ammunition at later times. I am blessed though because I have met 4 girls through my work who were meant to be my soulfriends. Our friendships work though because we do just say it how it is and move on. I honestly don't think that there is anything I wouldn't share with them or that they would hold against me. Other than that group of gal pals I have two best friends that have known me since I was 4 and 11 so I figure if we have been together that long then nothing is going to separate us. I totally understand you and thanks for voicing what I think almost all females think...I know I can always count on you to just say it how it is!!!

Dawn~a~Bon said...

My blood pressure just shot up when I read this:

They were all like, "SHE doesn't deserve that raise! She JUST graduated! I've been out of school for ten years. I DESERVE that raise!"

I'm pissed. PISSED. Screw them. It's not their damn decision to make whether or not you deserve a raise. And in MY humble opinion you SO deserve it, so put me on the field with them, call blood, and let's see what happens.

Stephanie said...

And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is why I love working in an office with only men! They say what they think, no matter what. Honestly, I think if you have issue with my fat ass, you can shove it where the sun don't shine... I'm pretty on the inside!

Joy T. said...

It just dawned on me why so many girls cry when I'm around....because I'm too honest and hurt their little backstabbing hearts. Awww. But I'm ok with that because I'm the type of gal who tells it like it is. No guessing with me and I have nothing but respect for people who have enough balls to tell me back. I say BLOOD should be a part of all gym curriculum in schools. Love it.

HeatherAnn Fragglehead said...

It really makes me sad that women tear each other down as much as they do. It seems like it never stops (we're still experiencing it), and it starts so young (like in Bean's first grade classroom). Women are still treated like second-class citizens in so much of the world... including our work world. And it seems so counter-productive to be a, well, a BITCH to another woman for no reason.


You fill me with righteous indignation, Chick.

Kelly M said...

I so Agree with you!! Bravo for bringing it up!! It is so true!

Although I do have to say..I do work with all men...and only 4 women the rest all 22 of them men..and they can be just as caddy! Granted they are all older than me..not sure if this makes a difference...but really I find myself going to them and saying..if you have a problem with to me..not to everyone else...

HOpefully this is the exception and I am blessed to be part of it..NOT! But throughout the rest of my life are right..usually men are the bring it to the table types ...definitely not us women!

Amira said...

Yes. Amen. I think women do this to each other because they are tougher emotionally than men and, thus, sometimes meaner.

Which doesn't make any of it right.

And "Blood" should only be instituted in a place where guys aren't watching. Otherwise it will just become an eye candy event.

Anonymous said...

Us girls can be a mean bunch of sucks!!

I'm sorry you've had to deal with this. You're such a nice don't deserve any of this!! fun!!