Friday, May 04, 2007

Everyone I know is awesome.

Today, while climbing through some unseemly type things at the building in which I sometimes work:

Co-worker: So this right here, is XYZ.
Me: Um, isn't that radioactive?
Co-worker: Yep.
Me: And...explosive?
Co-worker: It is.
Me: Co-worker? Am I going to die today?
Co-worker, cheerfully: Probably not today!


Earlier today, while discussing the insanity that is our workplace, with another co-worker:

Co-worker: GOOD GOD.
Me: I know, right?
Co-worker: No, seriously. I mean, GOOD GOD.
Me: I know.
Co-worker: We need one of those things...what do you call them...you know that is red, orange, yellow, and all that?
Me: The terrorist threat level meter?
Co-worker: Yeah. We need one to gauge how insane we are.
Me: I believe we are at a level Douchehat Manager, hovering near a level Douchehole Manager.
Co-worker: What does that make us? Red?


Speaking with one of my managers earlier:

Manager: So I need you to do this, this, and this.
Me: I've already done this, and this, and I have a plan for this and should have it done by the end of the day.
Manager: Well, aren't you just Martha Stewart?
Me: Martha Stewart? What?
Manager: Isn't she the first woman who...I don't know, flew an airplane or something?
Me, failing to see how flying an airplane or baking cakes has anything to do with the quality of my work: No. She's that chick on daytime television who always says, "It's a good thing".
Manager: Oh. You're probably not like her at all.
Me: I have less felony convictions anyway.


In the drive-thru line, at the Wendy's:

Cashier: That will be $1.08
Me: Here you are.
Cashier: I love your purse.
Me: Thanks.
Cashier: I been seeing it on the QVC. Did you buy that off the QVC?
Me: Nope.
Cashier: I love that QVC don't you? It's almost good as Days of Our Lives.
Me: Really?
Cashier: Less sex on QVC though.
Me: You don't say.


When talking to the girlie-parts doctor who did my minor surgery on Tuesday:

Doctor: Now, let's just have a look down there.
Me, wincing uncomfortably: Um, okay.

Silence.

Doctor: Looks mighty fine.
Me, quietly: Mighty fine indeed!

19 comments:

Kelly M said...

Too FUnny!! Now just imagine if QVC had sex on it...hmm bet the ratings would go up!

Stephanette said...

Okay, um WOW! You win :D I believe that you deal much better with it all...."mighty fine?"

I think I lost it when I was told that obviously I couldn't read. At the time, I stood with my mouth open looking at her...I mean, obviously.

Thanks for a giggle! :D

Kellie said...

You're funny....you make me giggle. On a craptastic Friday, that's a good thing!!

Surgery? What surgery?

Jocelyn said...

I always thought QVC had more than enough sex.

Maybe that was SPICE.

I always get my networks mixed up.

Catwoman said...

Surgery? Did you get that new G-spot shot? I hear it's all the rage. Or at least, that's what Dr. 90210 on E! leads me to believe.

And have I told you lately how super duper you are? No? Because you really, really are.

frannie said...

my husband used to want to put the kid I nannied into his radioactive bin at work and take a picture.... I told him that I thought her parents would fail to see the humor.

julie said...

My great-aunt is addicted to the QVC. That's where my Christmas presents come from every year.

Tonya said...

OMG you meet some seriously weird people.. lol

velocibadgergirl said...

I love you more than words can tell. You know that, don't you?

Bethany said...

Surgery? Surgery?!

I hope you are ok.

Rachel said...

Holy shit!!! You had me lmao!!!!! Please move here!

Surgery! Hope everything is ok!

Emma in Canada said...

You sure do keep some things to yourself (which i guess you're allowed to do) but I'm hoping all is okay.

And I'm asking catwoman what gspot shot? Cause really...

Oh, and thanks for the laugh. Until I got to the surgery bit anyway, that's worrisome.

SJ said...

Hmmm, surgery? What surgery? You mentioned nothing of surgery. I hope everything is okay.

You had me laughing once again!

That Chick Over There said...

Pssssttt...guys? I didn't mention the surgery because I really didn't think it was a big deal at all.

It totally kicked my butt, mind you. But it wasn't a big, major surgery. No worries. I'm feeling fine now!

Kimberly said...

Sometimes I think that maybe life is super funny and I'm oblivious or something, but then I read this and realized it's just a matter of -my- life being boring.

The price I pay for not having to associate with douchehats every day.

stepmomof2 said...

Sex on QVC??? There really should be a scale for insanity, lol. Hillarious post, thanks for making me laugh.

Shanilie said...

I just love these conversations! Too funny. "mighty fine" lol

Dawn~a~Bon said...

THE QVC! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

CPA Mom said...

1. "Looks Mighty Fine" - are you kidding me? How old is he/she? What a response...

2. "less sex on QVC..." you seem to run in to all the weirdos. How do you keep your mouth shut, I'd be so tempted to say something insane back.

3. "I have less felony convictions anyway" - ROFLMAO, dear God that was funny.

I love your way with words - I'll have to email you, I think my sister is copying one of your unique expressions on her blog.