Do you ever have moments in your life in which you are so proud you almost want to hurl and at the same time you are so sad you almost want to hurl?
That was me, this morning.
My son received the "Most Improved Student" award this morning. My little son, who worked so hard and struggled so hard. My little boy who's glasses glinted in the gym lights when he looked over at me and grinned when they called his name.
I cried. Yes, I cried. Fortunately I'm done with that Uristat crap, because I really didn't want yellow-tinted contact lenses. But anyway.
I cried. Because I was so proud. And because I was so sad.
I cannot believe that there are people in this world who had the opportunity to be part of this amazing child's life, and my other amazing child's life, and voluntarily decided not to be.
I wonder if they ever wake up in the morning and feel this longing for these precious little people. I wonder if they ever think, "God, I really messed this up."
I wonder if they even care.
I wonder why I care.
I just don't understand how anyone could know there was a child in the world, a child with their DNA, a child with maybe not their DNA but the love of someone who has their DNA, who doesn't even want to try to get to know that child.
I know I should just feel sorry for how stupid those people are. But today, I felt sorry for my son. Because he should have had more than his momma cheering him on today.
He deserves that.