Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Being me totally rocks.

You know it’s a bad day when:
1)There are twelve emails in your inbox all inviting you to enlarge your penis.

2)You scream at a manager (not your manager, thank God) something (exactly) like, “I just want to do my *#$#@% work!”

3)The curse word you yelled was the f-word. Um. Oops.

4)Despite saying the f-word, you don’t get fired. Because you work in such an insane organization that it’s sadly common to shriek the f-word at your co-workers.

5)You burn your entire bag of microwave popcorn that you intended to eat for lunch, because apparently the microwave in the conference room is radioactive or some crap.

6)Everyone walks up and down the hall saying, “Who burned popcorn?” “Did somebody burn popcorn?” “I smell burned popcorn!”

7)You stick your head out of the office door and yell, like a fishwife, “I was the one who burned the popcorn! It was my freaking lunch and I really wanted it!”

8)The insurance company informs you that the person who hit you on Thursday didn’t turn in the claim.

9)You’ve found out, for 100% certain, that someone you really thought was a close friend told you the biggest lie you can imagine, and now you don’t know how to proceed.

10)The biggest news on CNN and the Fox News network and CNBC is that Paris Hilton got out of jail.

11)You find out your blog is rated R because you say ass a lot. Asstastic.

12)You find out that someone else has a blog called, “I kick ass for the Lord!” and then you’re upset because you didn’t think of such a cool blog name.

13)You really need to go to the grocery store after work and you really don’t want to go to the grocery store after work because you are tired, mentally drained, and hate most people, especially people who jam you up in the “Personal Care” aisle, by standing DIRECTLY in front of the tampons to carry on a conversation with their pastor about how the sweet corn isn't coming very good this year.

14)You check the mirror and you’re still fat as hell, despite the fact that you had no lunch because you burned all your popcorn.

15)Someone else thought up the word Chillax, a combination of “Chill” and “Relax” and so you can’t even take credit for that one.

16)You throw your office door open and firmly whack someone you actually like who happened to be standing in front of it.

17)It wasn’t someone you don’t like.

18)You have to write a training module about something you have absolutely no knowledge of, no experience with, and aren’t even sure you are spelling correctly.

19)It actually has to be good.

20)It’s not so much good as it is extremely bad.

21)You are in the middle of a meeting and your cell phone rings.

22)The song playing is, “White and Nerdy” by Weird Al.

23)Everyone looks at you funny.

24)hen you say, “I’m going to see Weird Al in concert in August!” as you turn your phone off.

25)Sadly, this doesn’t win you any friends.




Also? I'm so sorry. I'm way behind on reading and responding to everything. I've been given some cool awards and meme's and whatnot and I'm so far behind on everything I've not appropriately claimed them. I'm working on getting caught up.

And thanks. Really,

26 comments:

Kellie said...

I know I'm not SUPPOSE to laugh, but really? Even when you're not happy, you crack me up. Asstastic? LOVE it!!

You need to realize that you're beautiful--outside and inside. We've seen pics of you that you've posted on here and you are a beautiful girl. I still want to be you when I grow up :)

Sorry about the friend thing. I know how much it hurts when something like that happens. If you need an ear (well, an eye, technically) to listen, I'm here!!

nailgirl said...

I got an r rating too. I siad bitch once and Gay 4 times!

my4kids said...

I bought some pluquats (part plum part apricot)at the store yesterday evening and found out this morning that when Izzak got in the car he sat on them and squashed them....I was really looking forward to those for lunch today:( probably like your popcorn.
Chillax sounds cool I never heard of it before you in my eyes you get credit for it!

Danger said...

All the cool kids have R ratings. I wish I had an R rating.

Angie said...

I've learned all sorts of words from you. . .not the least of which is asstastic.

And, for the record, "chillax" is what I need to be doing right now.

I'm sorry you had a day today. I think most of us could say that we relate, but I'm not sure that I've ever had a day where burnt popcorn, personal hygiene items, and Weird Al combine.

You are one in a million, my friend!!!

Kimberly said...

The highlight of my day was playing internet scrabble and playing against a lovely gay fellow from San Diego and giving him some stellar relationship advice.

And then I realized that way too much of my life happens through a computer screen. Oi. Need. To. Get. Out. More.

Life may have bitten the big one today, but hey, it's a life. =)

And you're muchly loved, even when you feel like crap.

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

Tee hee...I'm sorry I'm laughing because really..it doesn't sound like you are having a great day...but you totally know how to laugh at the stupidity of it all.

I wish we were neighbors.

AnnieM said...

Every cool word I think I thought up is always on the urban dictionary. Always. I just want to feel creative once! It would truly be asstastic!

Amira said...

Chick, on behalf of all your fellow readers, I'd like to thank you for having a bad day and making us all laugh. My blogs are depressing when I have bad days. But I don't have the incredible wit and sense of humor and perspective that you do.

And that is one of your gifts.

Congrats on the R rating. (Wonder what mine is?)

MamaLee said...

I'm so glad your day has ended. I couldn't take anymore. you poor thing.

Let's hope your days get better!

And my rating is R too!!

Sleeping Mommy said...

Hope you have a better day and just so you know you aren't alone on the cell phone ring try this scenario:

You are in the ER triage room with your four year old who fell down the stairs in your new house the day before you close on the house. Just as a nurse begins checking you in on the computer your phone rings and you can't get answer it fast enough to keep the lyrics "Hey! You're a crazy bitch but you fuck so good I'm on top of it" from playing out.

You stutter, "sorry, that is so inappropriate"

The nurse smiles and says "I have the same ring on mine"

velocibadgergirl said...

If it makes you feel any better:

1. I think that blog rating thing is messed up. It told me mine is rated PG even though I use the F word, the GD word, all the minor swear words, AND I wrote a whole entry about sex toys. I figure if mine's PG, yours is G or the next level down from that (G + fluffy kittens?)

2. I think you're my ringtone hero.

3. I pink puffy glitter heart you!!

simonsays said...

Here's hoping that your day improved once you made it home. Thanks again for the laugh, girl---you can always improve my mood!

CPA Mom said...

ok, how did you find out you are R rated? Who does that? who actually has the time to do that??

At least you didn't catch the microwave on fire. I had a co-worker who did that and we had to evacuate the building. Seriously. At least your company is not now baning all microwave popcorn popping. Seriously.

Chillax baby. You are still the Cat's Ass and Bee's Knees to me.

M said...

Well I love you. on bagels even. xoxoxoxo and you crack my ass up. which i need this mornign something fierce.

now back to an email that is 6 years overdue.

Sarcastic Housewife #1 said...

Sounds like a typical Wednesay to me. And, you know the sweet corn really isn't doing so much this year. LOL

frannie said...

did someone burn popcorn? I smell burned popcorn? really-- did someone burn it?

Catwoman said...

A bad day for you is a good day in my life.

And if you're rated R, then I'm guessing I'm NC-17, because I cuss a lot on my blog. I even make my toddler cuss when I translate his gibberish on my blog.

And also? Anyone googling boobies ends up at my blog. Which I'm thinking is a sign that Disney will not be making my blog into a movie.

Julie said...

HOw do you find out what your blog is rated? I've never heard of such a thing.

I hate it when the microwave revolts like that - how about I email you a fresh bag to pop? did you get it! : )

Rachel said...

R-rated or not, I love ya! How do you find out what your blog is rated, although, I can guess what mine is.

wopalockapino said...

Why doesn't anyone want me to enlarge my penis?

Word Verification: Smenita I think I will name my next child after this one!

moosh in indy. said...

I can't go on if I burn my popcorn.
The thought makes me sad. Sad like dead puppies sad.

SJ said...

Hahaha! “White and Nerdy” on your cell phone - that's on my husbands because, well, he's white and nerdy. On mine? Oh Sheila. So original....you know because that's my name and all.

I hate it when I burn my popcorn, and then people point it out over and over again. So sorry you burnt your popcorn. I feel your pain.

Sorry you had a crappy day. Really sorry ((hugs))

Amy W said...

Damn, I wish I could cuss at work...

As usual hilarious.

And me? Behind in reading as well. Join the club.

PROstud said...

ohh the day paris was out of jail was the day before my final exam. you have no idea how difficult it was to study aside from the normal im too lazy barrier, but now add paris interviewing on every channel about her horrid stay in jail while she was the only person allowed to wear make-up and a pink polka dot suit as opposed to the orange. i had to wait until the next day... crazy how it was still breaking news.

PROstud said...

p.s. you should come work with us... we're big fans of white and nerdy. you'd totally fit right in.