Saturday, June 23, 2007

Chick's in-box never sleeps.

Happy, happy, joy, joy!

Okay, seriously, today I was going to write about some of the really funny emails I've gotten recently, but for some random reason I decided to open my two-hundred year old AOL account (which I never use or look at) and I had an email from someone I went out with about, seriously, swear to God, eight years ago. Which made me laugh out loud, hysterically, and which I will now post for your enjoyment (making only minor modifications of my name and his and other small details...all the spelling errors and ridiculous punctuation are his).

Dear That Chick,

Hi. Remember me? We went to That Really Cheap Crappy Restaurant one time in Hell, NC.

I have been do some serious thinking about my life and I have made lost of mistakes! I am divorced now and I was wondering if you are still avaliable? I realize what a ass I was and now I don't really mind if you have kids. I'm sorry. You have really pretty eyes. You always made me laugh with your website. I fell like you were the one who got away.

Email me back. If you are interested!

Cya,
That stupid tool who had a serious girlfriend and took me out anyway

Reasons this letter is hilarious:
  1. Seriously. We went on ONE DATE. We certainly didn't discuss the fact that I had kids.
  2. Did I mention he had a SERIOUS GIRLFRIEND and asked me out anyway? So serious that they got married within six months after he took me out, and it was a really big fancy wedding at the Country Club, so it's not like they pulled it off in six weeks.
  3. Does anyone else get the feeling that he's lonely/horny and went through his old emails and emailed every single girl he ever went out with this exact same message?
  4. I do have pretty eyes. Not that he would know, because he was looking at my clevage the whole time.
  5. I AM the one who got away. Sadly, I ran away screaming. But I still got away!
So I wrote him back.

Do you want to know what I wrote?



Dear Tool who isn't even worth my time,

I'm totally blogging about you.

-That Chick


26 comments:

Tamsyn said...

ROTL

Tamsyn said...

Or even, ROTFL.

Note to self: when using idiotic internet acronyms, use them correctly. Gah.

Stephanette said...

I just LOL AT worked and almost snorted Dr. Pepper out of my nose. I should know better than to drink and read your blog. My new boss actually got up and walked into the office to see what I was doing. Better go! :D

Angie said...

Hee. . . this is so much like a letter I could receive from a tool, too. We had more than one date, but I definitely was one of the better things that happened to him, and he didn't appreciate it.

You rock, my friend!

nailgirl said...

Lol.

SJ said...

My goodness. Really, that's all I got to say about that.

Christy said...

Oh my gosh, this is made of awesome. I think I would die a thousand deaths if one of my ex-tools emailed me and that you answered so succinctly & filled with snark - you are my hero.

Made.
Of.
Awesome.

Kellie said...

WHEN will I learn to not be drinking when reading one of your posts??!! My poor computer screen gets sprayed with water or Crystal Light EVERY time.

He's a tool and then some.

Heathie said...

This slays me! I wish I had just a portion of your wit. Here's all I could come up with: Guys are so dumb.

Thea said...

LMAO! Seriously?

"I don't really mind if you have kids..."

That's awfully big of him.

Idjit.

Dawn~a~Bon said...

Dear lord I love your blog.

Danger said...

Good blogging is the best revenge.

Pinks & Blues Girls said...

Oh that is hilarious! I have an old aol account you have just inspired me to check out!! Love it!! Great blog... I will be a regular on this one!!
- Audrey
Pinks & Blues Girls

Bethany said...

Too funny!!

Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

I'm not sure "tool" is appropriate.
That fellow seems more like a hemorroid. You see, a tool can have a useful function, whereas a hemorroid is more of a pain in the posterior.

Yay Jason!

You Rock.

my4kids said...

I was laughing to begin with because you get some strange emails....
Alpha dudes comment put me over the top though and my kids are looking at me strange now....

EE said...

I can't wait to show my husband this. You are so dang cool!!!!!!!!!!

simonsays said...

Teeheehee.....couldn't ask for better!

frannie said...

I just choked on my bagel chip!

Kimberly said...

Ahh...laughter really is the best medicine!

Anonymous said...

haaahaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I love it!!

Ann

CPA Mom said...

http://www.printfection.com/bloggingexpressions

seriously, very funny. and appropriate

also?
http://www.zazzle.com/mommyneedscoffee/product/235667026919798413?idx=8&dt=&request=productSearch&term=&page=1&numRecsPerpage=20&sortBy=date_created&sortOrder=desc&sortPeriod=0&zidCategoryId=0&maturity=1&zidContributorId=238027845883103970&zcdProductType=0

Julie said...

I'm so glad you decided to look into your old AOL account! Sounds a bit like a booty call email to me. : )

Amy W said...

I want to know where Hell, NC is so I can stay far, far away...

Catwoman said...

1) Bwa ha ha!
2) You do have pretty eyes and fantastic hair too.

Rachel said...

That is freakin hilarious!!!!!!!! That guy had some balls, huh! How nice of him not to mind that you have kids.