Other good ideas.

Recently I was doing dishes and my doorbell rang. Usually I just ignore the doorbell (yeah. I ignore it. I have my reasons, and not just because people giving out religious material make me feel uncomfortable and full of sin), but my son happened to be standing there, so I asked him to see who it was.

It was a little boy from up the street. Who asked if Boy Child's dad could come outside for a minute.

Did you get that? He specifically asked for his DAD.

So Boy Child went and got Jason, who went outside to see what they wanted.

He came back a moment later and said, "They wanted Boy Child and Girl Child to watch their snake eat a mouse."

I was like, "Oh, okay. Fantastic. Next? Let's get go down to the trailer park with a megaphone and start shouting how Wal-Mart sucks."

Jason, as is typical, ignored my blathering and said, "Girl Child! Let's go!"

I stared at him in disbelief. "You're not letting them GO are you?"

He nodded. "I'm going with them."

So they left. While I washed the dishes.

They came back about 20 minutes later, full of stories of disgustingness.

After the children were safely deposited in their rooms, doing God knows what, whatever nine year old children do, I said to Jason, "Did you notice they specifically asked for you? Not me?"

He shrugged.

I said, "That's because if it were ME, I wouldn't let my children go to the home of people who stand in the street and scream at me that I'm a fat ass."

He blinked. "That wasn't them, was it?"

You have to be freaking kidding me.

"Yes! Don't you recall? The sperm donor likes to get drunk and shriek at me about my physical attributes?"

He thought for just a moment.

"Oh yeah. I do recall we had words once. He threatened to kick my ass."

I stared at him, stunned.

"But he was really nice this time," he protested.

I shook my head.

"I don't even think he was drunk!" he said, as though that made it all better.

"He was probably trying to see if you were holding," I said. "You know. In case he needs to make a buy."

"You are so hard on people," he said.

But I'm not. I just try to avoid people who cause me to need extensive therapy.

But for his sake, and the kids, I hope the snake was very interesting.

Honest.