Sunday, June 24, 2007

Other good ideas.

Recently I was doing dishes and my doorbell rang. Usually I just ignore the doorbell (yeah. I ignore it. I have my reasons, and not just because people giving out religious material make me feel uncomfortable and full of sin), but my son happened to be standing there, so I asked him to see who it was.

It was a little boy from up the street. Who asked if Boy Child's dad could come outside for a minute.

Did you get that? He specifically asked for his DAD.

So Boy Child went and got Jason, who went outside to see what they wanted.

He came back a moment later and said, "They wanted Boy Child and Girl Child to watch their snake eat a mouse."

I was like, "Oh, okay. Fantastic. Next? Let's get go down to the trailer park with a megaphone and start shouting how Wal-Mart sucks."

Jason, as is typical, ignored my blathering and said, "Girl Child! Let's go!"

I stared at him in disbelief. "You're not letting them GO are you?"

He nodded. "I'm going with them."

So they left. While I washed the dishes.

They came back about 20 minutes later, full of stories of disgustingness.

After the children were safely deposited in their rooms, doing God knows what, whatever nine year old children do, I said to Jason, "Did you notice they specifically asked for you? Not me?"

He shrugged.

I said, "That's because if it were ME, I wouldn't let my children go to the home of people who stand in the street and scream at me that I'm a fat ass."

He blinked. "That wasn't them, was it?"

You have to be freaking kidding me.

"Yes! Don't you recall? The sperm donor likes to get drunk and shriek at me about my physical attributes?"

He thought for just a moment.

"Oh yeah. I do recall we had words once. He threatened to kick my ass."

I stared at him, stunned.

"But he was really nice this time," he protested.

I shook my head.

"I don't even think he was drunk!" he said, as though that made it all better.

"He was probably trying to see if you were holding," I said. "You know. In case he needs to make a buy."

"You are so hard on people," he said.

But I'm not. I just try to avoid people who cause me to need extensive therapy.

But for his sake, and the kids, I hope the snake was very interesting.

Honest.

26 comments:

velocibadgergirl said...

Jiminy Christmas, woman...you really need to get out of that neighborhood. It sounds like a 24-hour freak show!

Anna said...

Do you think your kids could borrow the neighbor kids snake for a field trip to my house? I have a mouse infestation I need help curbing. While the snake works, you and I could sit on the patio and sip sweet tea and you could make me laugh until my sides split! I seriously need that kind of therapy.

Angie said...

If snake = interesting, what does mouse = ?

my4kids said...

My hubby is like that forgets people he has "had words" with before. I have a hard time forgetting it. You neighbors are weird...but you know that of course

nailgirl said...

gross!

Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

Jason is one Top-Notch kind of guy.

You are truly blessed.

Stephanette said...

We just had the house next door sell and after reading this...well I'm scared. I'm very very afraid.

Kimberly said...

Oh. My. Heck.

Anonymous said...

That would be my husband!!

Ann
aka: yerdoingitwrong

simonsays said...

Like me, do you wonder how your other half manages to live UNDER the rock, instead of on it, like we do?

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

Hee hee...I have neighbors that only talk to Mista too...But its because I am VERY Anti-soccial...


By the way...You rock...I tagged you...

alissa said...

Ummm... don't really know what to say about this one...

Other than, EWWWW GROSS!!!

Much More Than A Mom said...

Ew. You live in an interesting neighbourhood!

Kellie said...

You and I are surrounded by a bunch of freak idiots. I despise my neighbors more than I despise snakes!!

Slackermommy said...

My hubby is like that too. He's way more forgiving and accepting of other people's bad behavior than I am.

BTW, dancing through from Dancing Through.

frannie said...

wow! how did he forget that?

Amy W said...

I am glad no one on my street has a pet snake...

Catwoman said...

uhm... I don't even know what to say about this...

I definitely feel for you.

And the mouse.

But mostly you.

julie said...

See, I'm like you. I do not forget icky, mean people. But Jason's oblivion is kinda cute...

Sarcastic Housewife #1 said...

That is why you have kids...to answer the door, take out the trash, and do the dishes. At least that is what I tell them. Plus I have to say it wouldn't have mattered who it was, but watching a snake eat a mouse trumps pretty much everything.

SJ said...

Hmmm, not really sure what to say about that. Watching a snake eat a mouse isn't my idea of entertainment.

But then I had a thought....what if the snake was large enough to eat your neighbors?

Now that's what I'm talking about!

Shanilie said...

"I just try to avoid people who cause me to need extensive therapy. Like my neighbors, my ex-husband, and Jason's mother."

Pretty much my exact same sentiments I think we were seperated at birth lol

mebe_eye_suck said...

still confuzzled..?

Jocelyn said...

There are some gender differences we just can't get past, like men letting go of poor behavior that *obviously* needs to be remembered.

Well, a mouse died in the name of neighborhood reparations, I guess.

dennis said...

Man! I remember catching snakes as a kid and turning them loose in our garden!

That was such a cool thing for the neighborhood kids to do (even if you don't think so...LOL)

Rachel said...

Men can be so dang retarded sometimes! It amazes me!