Tuesday, June 05, 2007

I don't know what you say you do.

This morning, when I came outside to get in my car and go to work there was a white van parked directly behind my driveway, blocking me in. It was right behind my vehicle...there was just no way around it.

I was walking around the van, thinking I'd go by my neighbors house to see if she knew who owned the van, and I noticed movement in the van.

There was a man, sleeping in the van. AT THE WHEEL. In front of my HOME.

I knocked on the window and the man seemed irritated that I had woken him up.

"Buddy?" I said. "Do you need some help in there?"

"No," he said, irritated. "I'm sleeping."

Oh. My bad.


DUDE.

"Sir," I said, politely as possible. "This is private property. This is my house. You can't sleep here."

Okay, technically it's not private property. His van was TECHNICALLY on the street and not my driveway. However, I was banking on the fact that he didn't appear intelligent enough to brush his own teeth, much less be aware of various county ordinances.

"Fine," he sighed. "I'm going."

He revved the engine of his 200 year old van. With a lurch and a cloud of smoke, it took off up the street.

Running over the bicycle that a kid left in the middle of the road last night.

Crushing the bike.

So.

It started out bad, but ended up okay. I guess.

In a cosmic sort of way.

25 comments:

Kellie said...

I guess the owner of the bike will be taught a valuable lesson. Don't leave your bike out where some schmuck, sleeping in a 200 year old van will crush it in his haste to find another driveway to block :)

Interesting.

Brown Eyed Girl said...

Dude...where do they come from?

I just don't understand.

I mean as much as you shouldn't leave your bike out...could the dude just have been a little more careful?

frannie said...

this would only happen to you. :)

Rachel said...

Was it that crackhead's kid's bike? Because that would definitely be karma coming to bite their ass! And totally funny too!

Emma in Canada said...

I'm assuming the bike belonged to someone you don't like.

Personally, I would have taken the van as the perrfect excuse to stay home. "I can't come into work today because a van is blocking my driveway."

Lizarita said...

You're right. I have no idea what to say. But I will give a big HELL YEAH to the crackhead for running over the bike. Karma is a beotch and I love it.

Amy W said...

Was there a full moon last night? People are acting strange today...

Ashley said...

And that my friend is Memphis for ya

Catwoman said...

I'm guessing that because he was still asleep, he was unable to avoid the bike.

And, uhm, yeah that's very, very bizarre. I love how he seemed irritated at YOU because after all, you should have clearly seen that he was asleep and didn't want to be bothered. Like, duh.

EE said...

Glad there wasn't a kid in the middle of the road!
Or I guess I should say...glad YOUR kid was not in the middle of the road (teehee)!

Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

I honestly admire your everyday life.

I am praying that no one blames you for the bike and that they do NOT send their daughter over to pee on your porch.

Blessings.

Dawn~a~Bon said...

ummm . . . holy shnickes dude. I thought it was bad when some dude parked in my driveway this weekend and blocked me out of my garage (was mad). This? This tops that times 42. Good GRIEF! Was he DRUNK!?!?!

Kimberly said...

Oi...one of those situations where I'd love to know the whole story...

...sort of...anyway...

Joy T. said...

Probably one helluva party. Lucky he just made it to the end of your driveway and not up onto your grass or something. Although. That would have made for some great pictures.

Julie said...

That is so random. I'm with Kimberly, I'd love to know the full story of what brought him there and where did he go after leaving your yard?

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

That's just weird!

velocibadgergirl said...

I wish I could post that laughing-so-hard-I'm-crying face from MSN, b/c that's what I need to post right now.

Cosmic justice = the bomb diggety.

Kelly M said...

Oh god..thats awful thankfully no children were in the road! Glad your day got better!

Shanilie said...

I wouldn't want a complete stranger sleeping in front of my house either...how odd.

Amira said...

Nice.

JustRandi said...

My favorite line in the whole post:
"It started out bad, but ended up OK. I guess."
My son and I laughed for an hour!! You have the funkiest things happen to you.

SJ said...

Any idea where this ScaryLarry came from?

Crazy stuff man, craaazeee.

HeatherAnn Fragglehead said...

You really do have quite a.... colorful assortment of folks in your little neighborhood, don't you?

Jocelyn said...

What a fabulous cross-section-of-the-day story.

In about five years, you're going to see White Van Man somewhere, you know. It'll be all weird and stuff.

yerdoingitwrong said...

haaaahaaaaaaaaaa. I love your blog. Why don't you live near me? You be a blast to have drinks with.