Saturday, June 09, 2007

Orlando and Kotex and People, Oh My!

It's been a long time since I've had to use a bathroom designed for more than one person at a time, save those rare times that I'll force myself to use a public restroom (I drink 200 ounces of water a day people! It's hard to hold that much!). My bathrooms at home are obviously designed for one, although every time I step into one, both my children and my husband have something they REALLY NEED TO TELL ME RIGHT THAT SECOND. At my office, we had a bathroom for one. At my "home" office (I'm a subcontractor), there are actually two stalls, but all the women lock the outer door so we can have the whole bathroom to ourselves. You can totally see someone when they are in the potty, even when the door is shut! We had to be discriminatory for privacy reasons.

Anyway, I've moved into a new office in a craptastic building, where the bulk of my work is. This is more like a...um...power plant environment (it's not technically a power plant, but I don't know how else to describe it). So the women's room is not a lovely little one-staller with a potty, a sink, and a vase of fake flowers sitting around. Basically, we're talking about a women's locker room, complete with a shower.

At first it kind of freaked me out. I don't like when others can hear me pee. However, lately I've come to see some of the benefits of this arrangement.

Exhibit A:
Yes. That is Orlando Bloom. Sadly, no, he is not personally in the locker room. However, there is a large poster of him hanging on the side of the main stall.

This? Cracks my stuff up.

Because I was never one to hang posters of famous people in my bedroom as a child, and I'm quite certain my husband would frown on it now as I'm a grown-up and he helps pay the mortgage and whatnot. Once? I had a poster of Johnny Depp in my bedroom. The one that every other girl in America had on her wall in 1989. You know, the one that showed off his tattoo that says, "Betty Sue" or "Betty Jo" or whatever? Yeah. And I would put a Post-It note over his eyes when I changed clothes.

No. I'm not kidding.

Anyway. The ladies I work with apparently enjoy letting Orlando Bloom watch them pee. And it just makes me feel somehow closer to them. Like, "Wow. Now I really have something I can use against you."

Or something.

Exhibit B:

We got magazines! Not just People, but Shape and Fitness and even Real Simple!

These women are not afraid to admit that, by cracky, sometimes it takes some time to get things moving. Why not enjoy some quality reading material while you, um, wait?

Exhibit C:
You guys. I'm not kidding. There are tampons and pads in the women's bathroom. In every single bathroom I've been in on the whole site. A nice little stack of them, in each and every stall.

I'm not going to really sit and think much about why this is. I'm just going to think, "How. Freaking. Cool."

Because yeah. That's pretty cool. I appreciate working for people who appreciate my potential sanitary needs.

The ones in the bathrooms aren't really these brands. They are more of the extremely rough looking, potentially asbestos containing scratchy brands. But hey, they'll do in a pinch. I'm pleased to know they are there just in case my body is all like, "Hey Biznatch, I haven't had a period in like, twelve minutes. I'll just be starting up again now that you have on your nice white pants."

Now. Seriously. Don't you wish you could come and work with me?

15 comments:

EE said...

LOL! Love the post-it notes over the eyes while dressing!!!

Sanitary supplies in the bathroom??? Very cool, but I'm surprised some clepto (or heavy bleeder) hasn't stolen them:o

velocibadgergirl said...

Orlando Bloom and free lady part products are good, but this is why I want to work with you...because you say stuff like this:

And I would put a Post-It note over his eyes when I changed clothes.

Ashley said...

I would love to work with you but mostly because your sooooo damn funny!

Lizarita said...

I'd love to work with you but his nothing to do with the bathroom there and EVERYTHING to do with the fact that you put post-its over Johnny's eyes. THAT is why I love you.

Kellie said...

Chickie, I don't just want to come work with you, I want to BE you (in a totally non-stalker-ish type way...I think you RULE!).

Angie said...

I know a few people who just *might* work with you. Of course, they don't know your name, right?

Totally hilarious. The other girls in my office have talked about putting "products" in our (shared with the boys) bathroom. But get this, we're afraid they'll be stolen.

. . . and I work at a church.

my4kids said...

Where I work there usually are usually the machines in the bathroom and but free but generally they are out because someone is always taking them...
I would totally put a post it note over his eyes too. And possibly Orlando as well. I just don't like to have people watch me pee...

Amira said...

That's awesome. You hit the trifecta in the lavatory, Chick! :)

Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

There are just some things I was happy to not know.

Thanks?

SJ said...

Sounds like your work restroom is awesome! My work place has the sanitary stuff in them too, and let me tell you - the are a blessing when you very least expect it.

Kimberly said...

I wished that even before I heard about all the perks.

Huge posters of famous people? Umm...they actually really freak me out. No kidding. I get kinda squirmy whenever I see one. ~shivers~

Stephanie said...

Geez. My boss buys toilet paper and cheap soap. And I'm lucky if he remembers the soap.

Amy W said...

I do wish I could work with you! Cause tampons in the bathrooms? I would not have to go around bumming them off people like I was bumming a cigarette...

Rachel said...

I am putting in my application today!! I would so work with you! And Orlando Bloom!

julie said...

Damn. I work with all post-menopausal women, so I'm on my own when it comes to girly products. We just have old storage boxes, a vacuum cleaner, and a bottle of Febreze. Yeah. And no posters.