Orlando and Kotex and People, Oh My!

It's been a long time since I've had to use a bathroom designed for more than one person at a time, save those rare times that I'll force myself to use a public restroom (I drink 200 ounces of water a day people! It's hard to hold that much!). My bathrooms at home are obviously designed for one, although every time I step into one, both my children and my husband have something they REALLY NEED TO TELL ME RIGHT THAT SECOND. At my office, we had a bathroom for one. At my "home" office (I'm a subcontractor), there are actually two stalls, but all the women lock the outer door so we can have the whole bathroom to ourselves. You can totally see someone when they are in the potty, even when the door is shut! We had to be discriminatory for privacy reasons.

Anyway, I've moved into a new office in a craptastic building, where the bulk of my work is. This is more like a...um...power plant environment (it's not technically a power plant, but I don't know how else to describe it). So the women's room is not a lovely little one-staller with a potty, a sink, and a vase of fake flowers sitting around. Basically, we're talking about a women's locker room, complete with a shower.

At first it kind of freaked me out. I don't like when others can hear me pee. However, lately I've come to see some of the benefits of this arrangement.

Exhibit A:
Yes. That is Orlando Bloom. Sadly, no, he is not personally in the locker room. However, there is a large poster of him hanging on the side of the main stall.

This? Cracks my stuff up.

Because I was never one to hang posters of famous people in my bedroom as a child, and I'm quite certain my husband would frown on it now as I'm a grown-up and he helps pay the mortgage and whatnot. Once? I had a poster of Johnny Depp in my bedroom. The one that every other girl in America had on her wall in 1989. You know, the one that showed off his tattoo that says, "Betty Sue" or "Betty Jo" or whatever? Yeah. And I would put a Post-It note over his eyes when I changed clothes.

No. I'm not kidding.

Anyway. The ladies I work with apparently enjoy letting Orlando Bloom watch them pee. And it just makes me feel somehow closer to them. Like, "Wow. Now I really have something I can use against you."

Or something.

Exhibit B:

We got magazines! Not just People, but Shape and Fitness and even Real Simple!

These women are not afraid to admit that, by cracky, sometimes it takes some time to get things moving. Why not enjoy some quality reading material while you, um, wait?

Exhibit C:
You guys. I'm not kidding. There are tampons and pads in the women's bathroom. In every single bathroom I've been in on the whole site. A nice little stack of them, in each and every stall.

I'm not going to really sit and think much about why this is. I'm just going to think, "How. Freaking. Cool."

Because yeah. That's pretty cool. I appreciate working for people who appreciate my potential sanitary needs.

The ones in the bathrooms aren't really these brands. They are more of the extremely rough looking, potentially asbestos containing scratchy brands. But hey, they'll do in a pinch. I'm pleased to know they are there just in case my body is all like, "Hey Biznatch, I haven't had a period in like, twelve minutes. I'll just be starting up again now that you have on your nice white pants."

Now. Seriously. Don't you wish you could come and work with me?