People tend to stare at me a lot when I'm in public.
In addition to being depressed, I'm also somewhat paranoid and I figured people were staring because of one of the following reasons:
1) They were thinking, "Dang! Her ass is huge!"
2) They were thinking, "Dang! I really want her purse!"
3) They were slack-jawed yokels who stare at everyone. And covet people's purses and say dang a lot.
But today? I was at the market with my daughter and she said, just loud enough for everyone in the entire store to hear, "So I told him, he better watch it or I'll kick him in the penis!"
So I was all like, "True dat!" and I noticed that, um, all the other mom's and dad's were staring at me with their mouths agape. And then I figured out that maybe, just maybe, sometimes people stare at me because my kids say words like penis and vagina and, my personal favorite, douchehole.
One kid, hanging on to his mom's arm and totally picking his nose and EATING IT I might add, said, "MOM! SHE SAID PENIS!"
And they all looked at me and sadly shook their heads.
Like penis is a bad word or something!
Before my children were even born I made up my mind that I would not use baby-talk when speaking to them. I spoke to them just like I would speak to any other adult and in turn, when they learned to speak they spoke to me using "grown-up" words. Sure, they sometimes say things like "bromote" instead of "remote" and "bagina" instead of vagina, but they use words correctly in general. When I was teaching them about parts of the body I called them what they were. I didn't see any need to call it a cootcher or whatever, even though I do use that word. A lot.
Our mom, when I was growing up, called male and female parts "wicks". I have no idea why she did this, and as my sister recently said, it traumatized us to the point that we were unable to use candles for most of our lives. She still hasn't forgiven her.
So. I held my head up proudly in front of those parents today and said back to my kid, "You're SO right honey. I would have totally kicked him in the penis too."
Then I took her hand and she took mine. And in the produce aisle, she gave it a little squeeze.
Even if she says penis a lot, she's still a pretty cool kid.