Have you heard? We aren’t.
Once you give birth, you are no longer funny. Something comes out in the placenta or whatever and you just totally lose you ability to talk about anything except for poopy diapers and underwear and, in my case, how many curse words your children manage to pick up from you on a daily basis.
But none of that is funny.
The fact that we have lives aside from our children and do things like work and meet hilarious people and have marriages and/or boyfriends and, hell I don’t know, opinions? None of that matters. Not one bit of it. Because if you have a kid, you aren’t funny.
Oh, occasionally the kid will do something cutesy and we can all get a little chuckle out of that. But real, honest to God, laugh out loud funny stuff? Nope. Not us.
God forbid you do something like have a blog and put a picture of your kid on it. Because that’s not funny! You can’t be a MOMMY BLOGGER and be funny! You are either a mommy or you are funny! Not both!
Never mind if you almost never talk about your kids on your blog. That doesn’t matter. Their mere existence qualifies you as a mommy blogger and therefore YOU ARE NOT FUNNY.
Never mind if you've spent the last ten or so years of your life trying to make an actual life for yourself and have busted your ass in doing so and, gasp, have done it even though you have children. Never mind that you don't define your entire life by your kids and what they do (even if they are damn funny...oh, no wait! They aren't! Kids aren't funny either!). None of that matters.
Once you've had kids it's all over. Hang it up. You are Michael Richards at the Apollo.
You aren't funny.
Don’t even try to pretend you are. The real funny people won’t stand for it.