Monday, July 23, 2007

The tipping point.

It’s official.

I have absolutely nothing left to say to my husband.

Last night I was telling him a hilarious story about how, because I read really, really fast, I used to think that “pubic” hair was “public” hair.

No. Really.

Okay and that’s not really important.

So I’m telling him all about my shame and he sort of smiled half-heartedly and said, “You’ve already told me this story.”

I looked at him in dismay and said, “So that’s what it’s come down to.”

He raised one eyebrow at me.

“After only eight years, I have run out of things to say. The well is dry. I’ve shot my wad. It’s all downhill now.”

“Um…”

“It’s all downhill!” I proclaimed.

He was silent for a moment.

“Next you’ll ask me to play chess!” I lamented. “Because that’s what we’ll do when we’re old and not sexually interested in one another.”

“Um…what?” he said.

Now at this point, I do feel bad. He did look genuinely confused.

“Never mind,” I said, sulkily.

He went to the freezer to get some ice and noticed that I had stuck a Little Debbie oatmeal cream pie in the freezer.

Little Debbie. That whore. She and I have been having an illicit affair for years. Since I’ve been losing weight and can’t quite get over the love she and I share, I’ve taken to freezing her delicious goodness so that if I want to eat it, it will take me approximately twelve years and usually I’ll get pissed off and give up.

It’s my new dieting strategy! Or something!

Anyway. Jason sees the cake in the freezer and says, “Do you like frozen Little Debbie cakes?”

I said I did.

His face broke into a grin.

“See! That’s something I didn’t know about you! I learn new stuff about you all the time!”

“Our marriage is saved,” I deadpanned.




He didn’t think that was very funny.

25 comments:

Em said...

LOL...I'm so happy to know that Little Debbie may be saving your marriage! Over 22 years, my wife and I have had several times when we thought we had said it all. And then we think of one more thing....

Sarcastic Housewife said...

You'll see something on VH1 that you'll want to tell him about. Give it a few hours.

nailgirl said...

LOL.

Angie said...

My hubby likes to freeze (or refrigerate, I guess) the Swiss Cake Rolls. No appeal for me. . .

And, just wait, when you've been married *17* years, you will have completed round two of hearing the stories, and they start up again.

It will get better. Go watch TV.

Catwoman said...

Come to Texas and visit me. I promise you'll have plenty of horrors to tell him about when you get back.

Britmum said...

Thats funny. lol

I know what you mean though. Shit Scrag and I have been together 20 years in January and married for 12. Bloody hell!!! Irs fun though knowing each other inside out. lol But still sometimes we surprise each other. A couple of years ago he found out that I am tickelish behind my knees. He thinks thats awesome and the bonus bit is that Matthew is too. lol

O.k. I am done now. I loved your post.

Take care sweetie xx

Rachel said...

Lol. Sometimes we all run out of things to say.

CPA Mom said...

hmmm...frozen Debbie snack cakes...intriguing....I have frozen Vitamuffin tops in my freezer - have you tried the corn ones yet? They ROCK

Kellie said...

Not sure which makes me laugh more: you saying he'll be asking you to play chess next or the "Little Debbie. That whore."

AnnieM said...

"I shot my waaaad?" Bahahahah! I love your little on liners, love em.

Thinking about a frozen oatmeal cream pie is making my mouth water. Little Debbie, that whore!

SJ said...

Oh hilarious! And WHY didn't I think of freezing all things called goodness to keep my starving paws off them!

You are brilliant!

Off I go now to freeze some shit....

And hooray for a saved marriage!

Ms Kim said...

Delurking finally to say I can't agree more that Little Debbie is a whore. I LOVE Little Debbie's Oatmeal Cream Pies! I discovered their evil existence about 6 months ago. I've lived a sheltered life, I know. I could finish a box in a day. And I think you are awesome! I read you every day.

Amira said...

I thought it was very funny. Maybe I had to be there for the past eight years...

:) You two have an AWESOME relationship.

my4kids said...

Lol to funny. I have to laugh. The hubby and I have similar conversations....

Amy W said...

I had to laugh out loud with this one as well...

Sleeping Mommy said...

Fortunately HE doesn't have to think its funny. Only we do. And since we do, that's all that matters. :)

Heather said...

Wal-mart carries an oatmeal pies made with yogurt! Yummy and healthy! My husband ate TWO of them yesterday! They also make twinkies type treats made with yogurt. Tehy carry it in the same aisle (at ours) with the other treats such as donuts and little debbies and bread etc.

frannie said...

I think I ran out of stuff to talk about a long, long time ago

dennis said...

wife.imp will always tell me something new becaue the people she works with give her new material every day and if they are not, then I am...

Rebecca said...

When I run out of things to say, I just make stuff up...haha.

Twisted Cinderella said...

LOL. too funny.

If Prince Charming or I didn't leave the house once in a while to bring in new blood, I swear we would have bored each other silly years ago. LOL

julie said...

I totally get it... someone messed up on a sign once for an event at the Pubic Library. I don't understand why anyone would think that's not funny.

Jocelyn said...

My weakness is ice cream. So you're sayin' that if I freeze it, I'll stop eating it?

Real Life in South Carolina said...

Right when I think my husband and I have run out of things to say, the kids do something ridiculous. Then we have plenty to say! (Maybe that's why we have five of them!)

Kimberly said...

Don't worry, when you get older your memories will go down the crapper and you can retell all the oldies.