Women! Gah!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.

I don’t understand women.

And not just the obvious things like why I want to carry a pink purse so badly and how many centimeters women get dilated before a baby pops out. I don't understand a lot of other stuff either.

Take Star Jones for example. I saw a big headline today that said the following:

STAR JONES: I HAD GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY.

Did she really need to make a big, dramatic announcement regarding that? If so, here is my big, dramatic announcement to Star Jones:

EVERYONE ELSE OTHER THAN STAR JONES: WE ALREADY KNOW. YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO TELL US.

Let’s see. One day you are 307 pounds. Six months later you weigh like, ten. I think all of us figured it was not from walking your dog a lot.

I mean, I don’t care that she had it. Whatever. It’s not a big deal to me if someone has surgical “intervention” to lose weight. I’m just offended that she wants to make it into the most obvious non-news story since Lance Bass announced he was gay.

Also, last night I had to spend time with a group of women who have absolutely nothing in life other than their children and like to talk about said children in loud, grating voices. I adore my children and have a lot to say about them, but I also have a lot to say about other, important issues such as Where the Hell did Jesse McCartney go? and how stupid the people I work with all seem to be. But these women seem to not even be WATCHING the E! network and just look at me blankly when I try to explain that no, I actually can’t be at this meeting at 10am on a Tuesday morning because, GASP, I have a freaking job.

I don’t care if people are stay-at-home moms. I actually think that’s kind of awesome and more power to them if they can do it. Financially, it was never an option for me. I do have issue with women who look down on me because I’m not nearly as involved as they feel I should be in my children’s lives. I do have an issue with people rolling their eyes at me when I give my opinion. If my opinion is stupid as hell, then by all means, roll your eyes. But if you are rolling your eyes at me merely because you don’t think my opinion is valid because it would require less than a crowbar to get me out of my own child’s ass? Then I just don’t think that’s my problem.

What I really, really don’t get and what really frosts my pickle about the whole situation? Is that these women claim to be doing this FOR THE CHILDREN. And yet? When it comes time to actually interact with the, you know, actual children, they can be found in the kitchen talking smack about everyone else who couldn’t make it (because of their JOBS! The horror!) and drinking coffee.

Meanwhile I am out doing the hula with the children.

So who’s wrong here?

I mean, I know I’m bitter and not funny and all that, but good Lord. Those people just did not turn out.

Yet, I don't have a penis. So I just don't fit in with anyone.